How long is a reasonable time off work?

[Seeeeriously]

NC because...well....

A colleague lost a grandparent the week before last. Colleague is a decent employee but never does anything extra in an industry where extras are expected (this results in others doing these extras for colleague).

The grandparent had not raised them as a parent, IYSWIM. Grandparent had been poorly for a week or so.

So far, colleague has had six days off, and has sent a message saying they will be continue to be absent 'this week' due to funeral arrangements / funeral.

Last week, colleague was supporting parents and clearing Grandparent's house.

Others in team are covering colleague's work at a VERY busy time of year.

AIBU to be a little at this extended absence?

where you can just not go to work for however long you want because your grandparent died?

It's not 'however long you want'; it's however long the employer is happy to grant. If there are staff shortages/workload issues it is up to the employer to deal with them.

God, I'd hope that if I needed x time off for a bereavement my colleagues would support me –or at least not resent and bitch about me. I've certainly done my bit of helping out with others' workload when they've been on compassionate leave.

Grief or arrangements, again that's what annual leaves (or unpaid leaves) are for. You shouldn't even be able to claim sick leave for that, even if you only get statutory sick pay in this case.

I can't see many companies giving you more paid leave when you have to move your kids to university, when you have to move an elderly parent to an assisted home and take care of their old home, where would it stop? It would be lovely to have time off every time you need it, but in the real world it can't work like that, especially when it's the colleagues who have to pick up the slack.

(come on, it doesn't take more than half a day to arrange a funeral, even if it's in a different country!)

I also wonder what mythical employers have spare employees/employees with spare capacity hanging around ready to step in when someone is off sick, on maternity leave or bereavement leave?

The people left holding the fort simply have to suck it up and it's hard to be sympathetic when you suspect someone is taking advantage.

I wonder how people would feel if the OPs colleague was a teacher teaching their DCs on the run up to important exams?

Your team are behaving as a team should. Really, it should be giving you a warm glow knowing that they're such a great tribe and that they'll put in even more extra hours at an incredibly busy time to cover for one of their own. They'll do it for you, too, if you need it. You are very very lucky, and so is your colleague.

I'd say change your perspective. Appreciate how great they are, don't look for someone to blame. It's not her fault her gd died, and it's not your business to make judgements about whether she should grieve this way or another way or whatever.

Focus on the positive. Your team are fab. Give them cakes and ale.

And not doing 'extra' work, extras being expected, and others having to pick up the slack, are management issues, not for individual staff members to complain about. Exactly.

Hopefully anyone overcome with grief will get to the doctors to get signed off. There's more important things than work, life and death being one! FGS, where is the humanity here. I'd tell the employer to stick it. I'll get another job.

Jux how is the OP lucky to be stuck with extra work? What a ridiculous thing to say.

What you could do is ask for a pay rise to compensate for the work, that's only fair.

I'm NHS here and my manager gave me a week off when my ouma died so I could fly back home for funeral. It was paid compassionate leave.

What area do you work in? Surely if she is able to say no ton extras, you could all say the same?

Of course they do, when they are taking weeks off because their granny dies. You can't just do as you please and no-one is allowed to say a word because "grief''

Of course no one has the right to judge others - is that you Jesus?

This thread really does highlight how self absorbed some people chose to be

Why anyone would choose to display such ugly behavior is beyond me

That's a far more helpful perspective, Jux, than my current one. I agree - seeing the positives will certainly help.

HR is sort of non-existent - they're an outside agency we buy in.

I am senior to colleague, although not direct line manager.

I don't know if it's being 'paid'. I would imagine so. Colleague is simply texting in every few days.

I think my perspective is really that one simply can't take time off work to do things like house clearance.

Those suggesting I lay off...in no way am I laying into colleague (other than expressing my concerns and frustration on an anonymous online forum). I'm just somewhat exasperated that all of my time - and my day off - have been consumed by work that colleague would normally do.

And yes, we are teachers. I have three exam classes, colleague has two. I am covering one of their classes, and two after-school classes.

For those saying it's a shit place to work. Well. That's another thread. But the necessity / pressure / demands to do other 'extras' is pretty institutionalised across the sector.

when they are taking weeks off because their granny dies and to state the obvious, no one has taken weeks off.. - we know very little of this situation so any negative judgments are based on a reflection of ourselves, not on the person you are trying to judge

If there isn't a clear HR policy about this then there should be from now.
Anything beyond specific bereavement Leave must, at our place , be signed off by a doctor if the person does not use their own annual leave.
Sadly, I and two colleagues have recently lost a parent each. Work has been excellent and supportive and very clear.

I didn't even get that long when my MOTHER died! I missed my grandfathers funeral as it was in the first week of April and, at the time, I worked where no leave of ANY sort was granted from mid March to mid April because of the end/start of the financial year. Compassionate leave was max 3 days and only for parent, sibling, spouse or child.

I think your colleague is really pushing their luck.

Some employers expect people to act like robots. We're not just tools for you to use.

I worked where no leave of ANY sort was granted from mid March to mid April because of the end/start of the financial year. So what happens if people are ill. More fool you for putting up with it.

Who knows? Maybe the parents are ill or have additional needs that mean they can't take the brunt of it all and your colleague has to. Maybe your colleague is swinging the lead.

Either way, if the team is suffering having to cover the extra work then it is management you need to speak to about it, not the colleague.

Where I work, for a parent, spouse or child you are offered five days paid leave (this is to include the funeral). You are able to take more if required but it will be unpaid.

I have never known IRL for anyone to complain about a colleague who is going through this stuff, its a real eye opener

Also when my Grandad died I was on an away job with work. I didn't take anytime off apart from the day of the funeral.

Christ, this competitive 'I went back to work sooner than anyone else ever after a death' shit is really, REALLY unedifying.

Under our previous employers I wouldn't be allowed to leave early two days a week to pick my sister's children up from school, I wouldn't be allowed time off to accompany her to consultant appointments or to meet & talk through her care plan with macmillan & marie curie nurses.

Under the new management the HR manager has met with me numerous times to reassure me that my family come first, I am a valued member of staff & that I can just leave any time I need to.

I'm pleased some of you aren't my colleagues as they've been nothing short of brilliantly supportive & caring towards me & my family.

Our lives at the minute are torture. I'd hate to add animosity in the workplace into the mix.

I think one of the problems is this text every few days saying that they are still off. It gives no-one else a chance to plan ahead or have to cancel their own lives to pick up the slack caused by absent colleague. At least if they can be honest in their assessment of how long they need to be off then others can plan accordingly. House clearances prior to the funeral are not usually something done in working hours so this colleague needs to be clear about why they are off and then they intend to return.

When my gran died I was only off work the day of the funeral as I wasnt close but was told to take some rest as my role during that time included a lot of pickups from airports and bus stations and taking relatives to the town the funeral was in. So was a bit knackered.

It just occurred to be that when I heard my granddad had had a stroke and was not going to make it I just told immediate boss and took off. Frankly it was irrelevant at that point if paid or not, approved or not. Overseas so was out two weeks. Luckily not a role that required someone else to step in. Did not get questioned or fired. Pretty sure they paid me too, although it was a fairly new position.

Where I am leave is same amount for all 'close family' which includes everyone possibly considered such. Have had staff out for loss of 6 grandparents and one unlucky woman lost 4 mothers and 9 grandmothers. You just have to shake your head trust and support I guess.

It is a bit if a grey area, I would think a week off would be reasonable (and then if a further week was needed, then it be given as annual leave).

We don't have annual leave.

That's lots of time. I would say one day, plus perhaps a travel day, depending where it is. I took one day last year for a grandparent. If they brought them up Its different.

I was raised for extended periods of time by my grandparents as my own parents have health problems. My Grandad died in the early hours of the morning, I was in bits and took the day off work but was told I had to be in the next day. I worked that day on autopilot, had an important meeting that to this day I cannot remember a thing that happened in it. I then phoned in the next day to be told 'it was only a grandparent and I was just trying to get time off work!' I am professional, well respected among my team and have done favour after favour for my employer. I have also only ever been off sick once for 2 days in the 8 years I've been there! So 'just trying to get time off' is completely unfounded. Needless to say the favours have stopped and I'm jobhunting. HR policies are a necessity but it needs a good manager to actually see the people as people, not just employees and apply them accordingly. Apologies OP this appears to have little to do with your original post but your subject is one I feel strongly on! As you were..