How long is a reasonable time off work?

[Seeeeriously]

NC because...well....

A colleague lost a grandparent the week before last. Colleague is a decent employee but never does anything extra in an industry where extras are expected (this results in others doing these extras for colleague).

The grandparent had not raised them as a parent, IYSWIM. Grandparent had been poorly for a week or so.

So far, colleague has had six days off, and has sent a message saying they will be continue to be absent 'this week' due to funeral arrangements / funeral.

Last week, colleague was supporting parents and clearing Grandparent's house.

Others in team are covering colleague's work at a VERY busy time of year.

AIBU to be a little at this extended absence?

I have never known IRL for anyone to complain about a colleague who is going through this stuff, its a real eye opener

I have!

If you work with low pay staff, it's a nightmare. If you give a day off to someone, everybody will expect the same. If you give a week off because of overseas family, everyone will expect the same, otherwise it's discrimination (which in a way it is).

That's the issue with being a manager. Legally you have to treat everybody the same way, so it's difficult to be fair. You can argue that someone is making up time off by working overtime, but that's as far as it goes. How can you justify giving a month off to someone but expect the rest of the team to be at work? Teams have holiday calendars, they know how much time off everybody takes (teaching clearly different)

When you work at a higher level, people don't really take the mickey anymore, or they don't stay long.

I have a work colleague who recently took 3 weeks off sick when her dog died, so I'm not sure how long it would be for a grandparent.

and one unlucky woman lost 4 mothers and 9 grandmothers. You just have to shake your head trust and support I guess

Do you? I'd have fired them long before they got to that point.

I have never known IRL for anyone to complain about a colleague who is going through this stuff, its a real eye opener

Thats because few people in RL would take weeks off for a grandparents death, and wouldn't expect time off to help with arrangements when there are multiple closer relatives to do it.
And when they judge, they do it quietly, so how would you know?

If you're not their line manager it has zero to do with you. There's no rule book on how long people can grieve for. I understand that works have busy periods but I think you're being quite insensitive.

f you're not their line manager it has zero to do with you

It does if you have to do their work as well as your own. Especially when its grandmother number 7....

I will be devastated when my parents pass on. How can you try to get over someone like that in a week?

I will never forget that my work got shitty with me for taking the day after my granddads funeral as annual leave. Funeral was on a Thursday and by the Wednesday I was a wreck so decided to book AL (I'd had no time off because of his illness or death) to recoup on the Friday.

Roll on a few months and someone fucked off abroad for 2 weeks as his granddad had died. The "leave" was granted with lots of pity and compassion. I was given a 'well if you really have to take the day off'

It does if you have to do their work as well as your own. Especially when its grandmother number 7....

No, it still has nothing to with you. Yes it's annoying and impinges on you but it's a managerial decision. And it's a bad managerial team that lets the whole team know absolutely every detail about someone's leave, annual leave or otherwise.

I think it's devestating we live in a world where someone isn't allowed to grieve for FIVE DAYS lest anyone think they are milking it.

YABU.
It's your employers responsibility to provide cover for an absent staff member. They shouldn't expect you to pick up the slack.
You don't know everything about your colleagues circumstances around the loss if their relative.
Your employers have to decide what is an appropriate time for their staff to have off work based on individual circumstances.

As you are not the line manager it really isn't your business the basis for the time off. If the colleague is not following the procedure that is something that her manager has to raise directly.

You can certainly be aggrieved that you are being put under strain by a heavy workload. You have every right to raise that overwork with your own manager. That might prompt action wrt to the colleague or not. If I was an employee I would hope that HR or my manager would not be discussing my personal circumstances with anyone that didn't need to know so I hope that you don't know the kind of leave your colleague has unless you need to.

Haven't rtft but why do you care ?

My compassion would be a bit fatigued by this stage too, OP. The texting updates seems a bit off to me, too, somehow.

When my mum died a few years back, it worked out that she was in hospital from the Monday, we were with her until she passed away on the Weds and I then had the Thurs and Fri off.

I really felt I had to go back to work the following week as I couldn't leave my colleagues having to pick up the slack, and although upset, I was fine to work. I just had the day of her funeral off in addition and that was really all I needed.

Maybe it helped that It wasn't a sudden accident or traumatic death, she simply passed away peacefully at the grand old age of 89.

I'm a teacher. I get your frustration totally. At this time of year if I suddenly had another exam group and extra after school revision thrown on me I'm not sure how I'd cope. It would certainly have a knock on affect to either the amount of time I spend with my family (limited at this time of year anyway) or the time I can put into my exsisting exam groups (something I would find very difficult to do).

I also see your point with it being a person who doesn't do the extra. We have one at our school too and my sympathy does wain a little when she has overlaid so is late in and I have to cover her lesson in my free.

It's a tricky one in terms of how much time is okay, it's so different for everyone. There may be circumstances which mean a long period of time off is justified.

Not sure there is anything you can do. For me in my school speaking to management about it wouldn't get me very far. I imagine you're the same. We are just expected to do the 'extra'.

Hope it gets better for all involved soon and that you're colleague is soon feeling well enough to return to work. Then before we know it exams will be over and the pressure may ease off slightly.

Thanks gin.

I don't think people tend to understand the complexities involved - I am senior to the colleague, thus questions being asked of me, but I'm not directly their LM. I've been as neutral as possible in these conversations because there's a slightly difficult culture in the school.

But, when members of my direct team are pulling out all of the stops, this is massively grating when we have done colleague's after school and lunch sessions. At colleague's career stage, they should be contributing more.

Ah well. Here's hoping their LM is able to take it up.

No two bereavements are the same. I lost my parents in just 8 months. Dad went first, mum had dementia and couldn't cope at all. They lived 150 miles away and were hoarders.

The day after my mother's body was found, I had to drive up to secure her house, as the police/paramedics hadn't been able to find any keys.
Because her death was sudden, there had to be a PME, so I couldn't register the death until I'd picked up the certificate from the coroner. Then I couldn't get an appointment with the registrar for 3 days. I was up and down to their place 3 times before I could even start arranging the funeral.

It took me over a fortnight to clear their house out, there was so much stuff. Staying in the empty midden of a house did my head in, I couldn't stay there more than 2 nights in row. I did 40 trips to the tip with a large estate car full of stuff. My brother, who has MH issues, was too unwell to help and I was in the process of splitting up with my ex, so I had no help whatsoever.

My employer was brilliant. I took the 5 days compassionate leave as per the policy, and my lovely area manager (my line manager was on leave at the time) granted me another 5 days because it was all so much hassle. I took a further 5 days annual leave and was off 3 weeks in total.

If this employee's parents are too distraught or too elderly to deal with this sort of stuff, they may well be going through the sort of hassle I had. If that's the case, a fortnight is nothing.