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Would you report someone for smoking with their child in the car?

376 replies

JigglyTuff · 02/05/2017 09:13

Just walked past a woman waiting in her car for infant school gates to open. There was a child in the front seat. She was blowing her smoke out the window and I looked round because I could smell it and wondered where it was coming from.

Or should I just mind my own business?

OP posts:
kali110 · 05/05/2017 15:37

Of course you are, you are advocating the forcing of women to behave in certain ways, and preventing them from doing completely legal things to their own bodies. It's the very definition of misogynistic.

This.
Saying a woman should not do this or that when they are pregnant is not being for woman or prochoice.

kali110 · 05/05/2017 15:38

You haven't told us how you would stop them if you could, only that you would. What's the plan?
Call the police and ss on them obviously

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 16:56

Excuse me, you two, the definition of pro-choice is believing that women have a choice when it comes to whether or not they have an abortion. It doesn't have anything to do with a woman choosing what she does with her body in general. I do believe that a woman should be able to choose what she does with her body, BUT not when it effects a child that she is bringing into this world (can we not see the difference between a singular woman and a pregnant woman who is giving birth to a child?). How can you not see the clear difference? You may as well argue that parents should be allowed to do whatever they wish with their children until they're 16. There is a reason we have preventions and laws because not everyone has the correct judgement and the best intentions for their children.

If a mother is a drug addict and has been taking drugs all through out her pregnancy, the baby gets taken when the woman gives birth. Do I believe that a mother should be locked up or have her child taken away because she's been smoking? No, but there are clear studies and evidence that prove that smoking has an effect on babies - premature births, stillbirth, sudden infant death syndrome, heart problems later in life. There have been threads discussing this on here, real life examples.

The baby doesn't have rights until they're born. Once they're born, is it fair that they could possibly be born with health problems that could have been prevented?

And, just to make it absolutely crystal clear, I do believe it is a woman's right to decide whether she has a child or not. However, if you're bringing a child into this world, you should be responsible and not smoke, just like you would eat a healthy diet, not drink heavily or take harmful drugs.

user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 17:01

You're not really following. Yes that is the SPECIFIC definition of pro-choice when it comes to abortion. But the sentiment is conveys is a womens right to choose what happens to her body.
Which you have said several times you do not believe in. You do not believe in the principle of bodily autonomy.You stated that clearly.

Everyone knows what pregnant women shouldn't do. But if you truly think, as you state, that they should be forcibly prevented from doing the wrong things, you are not pro-choice.

You are a misogynistic facist, or you do not believe what you said you did. Which is it?

squoosh · 05/05/2017 17:02

Yeah but you said ''No one should be allowed to smoke, heavily drink alcohol or take illegal drugs when they're pregnant'. What form should 'not allowing' take?

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 17:18

"You are a misogynistic facist"

Stop labelling me as something that I am not. You are an incredibly unpleasant individual. Not everything is clear down the line, black and white. You really do seem to write in a way that completely lacks any emotional thought.

I believe that a woman should be able to do what she wants with her body, but if she intends to give birth to a baby, then she should do everything she can to prevent the baby from being born without health problems.

If I had been born with an illness related to something that my mother did whilst she was pregnant, fully well knowing what she was doing, I would be furious.

RebelRogue · 05/05/2017 17:23

Phylis and if you weren't but knew your mother smoked?
Or if you did but otherwise your mother was a good mum,loving,caring etc?

user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 17:23

I'm only labelling your comments for what they are. If you are going to have a controversial opinion, you need to expect to be challenged on it.

You're now back pedalling because you know your comments were unacceptable. Why not just say that you have realised that?

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 05/05/2017 17:25

Yes. It is illegal for good reason and utterly disgusting. Report away. It's foul that people do that.

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 17:29

I don't think my comments are unacceptable at all. Through out this whole discussion in the thread, you have cherry picked comments and then blow them up into the stratosphere. You've ignored plenty of questions from other users and then when challenged, said it was personal.

Rebel, my mother smoked through all four pregnancies. My brother that was born premature and underweight now has a heart problem. He has always been a heavy weight, goes to the gym, etc. I didn't want to include that because user is the type of person to take something personal and then completely disrespect it. She did that when a mother mentioned her 13 year old reported a mother smoking in the car with a baby.

RebelRogue · 05/05/2017 17:31

Is your brother furious with her? Are you?

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 17:31

heavy=healthy*

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 17:32

I'm upset for him. I'm not furious, I love her. She was pregnant through out the 80s. It was a different period.

user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 17:34

If you don't want your comments picked up on, don't make them. You said that women should not be allowed to smoke or drink or whatever, and that you would personally stop them if you could.
Now you are pretending you only said you disapprove of it.

Pick a point and stick with it.

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 17:47

user, we are talking hypothetically. Am I going to lobby for a law to stop pregnant woman from smoking? No. Would I stop it if I could? Yes. I personally do not believe that women should endanger the life of their children. And before you say it, that is completely different from someone having an abortion and deciding not to go through with a pregnancy.

And yet, when asked questions about some of your comments, you've completely skirted around them.

To me, you seem extremely tunnel visioned. There are only your thoughts and practicalities. There is no emotion or moral compass.

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 17:48

And I don't mind my comments being picked up on, but use them in context.

user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 17:49

Yes, hypothetically, as in what you would LIKE to happen. Which you told us, clearly.

I really don't think you should be talking about anyone elses moral compass Katie, you'll need to find your own first.

Now if you could stop derailing the thread with your wishes for a women controlling world and get back the point. Which if you've forgotten, is how silly you are to report people you don't know for things no-one could prove they did, even if they wanted to, which they don't.

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 17:57

Moral compass? You've made no comment whatsoever on the impact that smoking has on children. You've previously commented on a thread about a pregnant woman smoking, so you clearly have an agenda on it. Whether it somehow hits a nerve, I'm not sure, but you seem hell bent on defending it.

You have referred to users in here as numpties. You have compared my intelligence level to that of a 5 year old. You have called me a busybody. What about you? You completely lack empathy for anything whatsoever. You're like someone that is fixated on a subject and will argue it to the death, but if you ask that person for anything regarding their feelings, they have no way of expressing it.

As I previously told you. I would take the registration down, I would take a photo with my mobile & if there are people nearby that can see what is going on, then they can be witnesses. When I previously told you this, you just threw it off as... PC Phyllis! You've already been given examples of how it's been reported on across the world. Someone told you their daughter took down a registration number.

Barnes79 · 05/05/2017 18:07

You could always say to the smoking mother that you weren't sure if she was aware but the law recently changed making it illegal to smoke with a child in the car and you saw a police car round the corner as you were driving/walking to the school so she might want to put it out so she doesn't get fined. That way you're doing the kid a favour and the Mum feels like you're doing her a favour (rather than telling her how to behave around her own children).

And in case anyone wonders, I'm completely anti-smoking, but also anti-confrontational, hence my suggested approach (which includes a little white lie about a nearby police car).

TribeOf5 · 05/05/2017 18:13

Phyllis, don't feed the animals 😁
I couldn't give a flying monkeys what people think about my opinions, that's why I post them online once in a while. People will tear you apart bit by bit if you let them.
I think we should all, as humans, behave responsibly and look out for one another. Not bash each other for a difference in opinion. After all, this whole thread is a matter of opinion. The fact is it's a fineable offence, report it, don't report it. We all agree it's complete crap to smoke when you're pregnant, but education is better than punishment. Some people are ignorant assholes who do whatever the hell they want with no regard to anyone else including their own children. But what you gonna do?
Let me clearly bullet point my response for those who want to pick holes.
⭐ Opinion is not fact, so stop making out like you're all right and the others are wrong.
⭐ Smoking a bad, Drugs are bad. Even worse when you're inflicting it on a small person.
⭐ Stop being complete tits to each other. Be a little more understanding and a little less keyboard warrior.
⭐ If you can prevent harm to others, be proactive. If you could be proactive and chose not to, don't hate on the people that want to change things or the better.

Go have a snickers bar or something, you lot must be exhausted after a day of typing. 😂

user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 18:14

You've made no comment whatsoever on the impact that smoking has on children

Because that isn't the point. Since you've stalked looked at my previous posts you'll know that I said everyone knows that smoking when pregnant or around children is bad. That is self-evident, we don't need to virtue signal by saying so, you're not giving an unusual or interesting opinion on it.
The point is it isn't your business if women choose to do such things and there is nothing you can do about it. Nothing. No-one cares if you like what they do or not.
Smoking in cars with children is not good. And it is illegal. But no-one wants your report on it, and they can't do anything even if they wanted to, which they don't.

Not sure how much clearer that message can be said to you. Should I make a poster.

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 18:32

Barnes79, that seems like a very fair approach. I'm very confrontational at work, and with family and friends, but I'd be scared to go up to a stranger. I'd worry about potential violence.

TribeOf5, haha! I hate snickers, but I might have a dessert tonight. I like your bullet points. I wish I hadn't resorted going down to other people's levels and being petty, but I can get very heated. Thank you for that post, it's put a lot into perspective.

user, it is illegal - I can report it if I want. If the police choose to do nothing with it, then that's on them, it's not on me. Every single person in this thread is aware that there are laws out there that are difficult to prove. We're all fully capable of understanding that a lot of laws that get put in place are to deter people from doing things. If I see a mother smoking in a car with their child, I have every right to report it for the sake of the child. You can view that as me being a busybody all you want, I don't care.

user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 18:34

Sure you can. I'll let the police tell you to stop wasting their time, but I doubt you'll listen to them either.

Just admit that its about making yourself feel good, since you know its of no help to anyone else.

Peanutandphoenix · 05/05/2017 19:09

This reply has been deleted

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PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 20:12

user1493022461, it's not about making myself feel good. It's about a genuine concern I have.

Peanutandphoenix, before I joined this forum, I viewed trolls as the type to leave nasty and hurtful comments on social media to get a reaction out of people. I don't feel like I've done that, it certainly wasn't my intention. Telling me to go and find a hobby is incredibly patronising.