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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aaargh stop texting me.

146 replies

GreenHairDontCare · 02/05/2017 06:43

Every. Fucking. Morning.

At 6am. Even on a Sunday.

Ever since I was in hospital last year, my SIL has taken to sending me the same text every morning asking how I am and what my plans are. If I don't reply within an hour or so she texts again and then panics and starts ringing DH.

I find it really intrusive and tbh I hardly ever have 'plans' beyond the school run so it's all a bit pointless.

My alarm goes off at 7am although I'm usually awake by 6.30. Her texts have been getting earlier and earlier and for the last couple of weeks have been 6am or just before. My phone is on silent but still vibrates, and makes my FitBit vibrate too.

I've started being quite terse in my replies (Fine. No plans.) but she still insists. I don't actually see her, haven't for about a year, but dh has mentioned it being unnecessary and she says it's just because she worries.

She doesn't react well to being asked not to do something (see also huge huge piles of presents for every birthday/Christmas), as in she usually reacts by doing it even more.

I'm just doomed I think to be stuck in this boring text cycle and being woken up earlier than I'd like.

WIBU to start getting a bit creative with my replies? 'I'm fine, thinking about fellating DH later' etc?

OP posts:
paxillin · 02/05/2017 08:29

Set up an automated text to her at 4am inquiring how she is and asking about her plans. Make sure not to miss out the Sunday text.

OliviaBenson · 02/05/2017 08:31

Can you tell her that you don't want her to text every day and that she's actually hindering your recovery rather than helping?

I'd also get your DH to have a word with his brother and ask if she's ok.

TeaForever · 02/05/2017 08:32

Oh Op, I feel so sorry for you. I don't know what advice to give you, but I completely see how a situation like this could evolve, and I know I'd be feeling extremely stressed in your shoes.

Personal space and quiet time is extremely important to me as an introvert, and also I wouldn't have the heart to just brush the intrusive SIL off. I think maybe I'd have a sit down one-to-one chat with her, and thank her for her kind concern, and that I really appreciate it, but that I'm fine now, and to be honest part of my feeling well is time alone... or something like that! Then maybe she won't take it as criticism, or take it personally, but will get the message? Though from what you say, she sounds somewhat impervious to hints? In which case, oh dear! Flowers

viques · 02/05/2017 08:35

anyfucker I read this as "turn your phone to fight mode". Oh, if only there was an app for that.......

dinosaursandtea · 02/05/2017 08:40

augustus I honestly don't see how that is helping.

OP, I'm really glad you have proper IRL support! It can make all the difference. Your SIL is a drama llama - this needs escalating, whether it's your husband speaking to his brother or you blocking her. Whatever the fallout is, at least you'll be sleeping! Best of luck.

Ladygaggia · 02/05/2017 08:44

If you don't want to block her, can you amend just the way you receive messages from her?

Go to contacts.
Find her contact card and hit edit.
Go down the ringtone and edit only her setting so that vibrate is turned off.
Also definitely put phone in flight mode until you wish to get up

Agadooo · 02/05/2017 08:50

That's good that she's replied-assume you're happy with a daily evening text every single day? It would totally annoy me but maybe that's just me. Is it worth you texting back saying 'thanks for the thought and nice to know you're thinking about me every day but I'm doing good and moving on with things so no need to text every day-lets make it a weekly thing and I'll have more to tell you.

NavyandWhite · 02/05/2017 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

augustusglupe · 02/05/2017 09:03

dinosaur As we are not aware of the people involved, we have no way of knowing the mental state of the SIL, I was trying to put a different and in my experience, quite feasible take on the matter.
I don't really see how blocking the SIL will help either, unless things become totally intolerable.

NoMaybe · 02/05/2017 09:06

YABU because it's so easy to deal with and you haven't bothered.

Turn on do not disturb between the hours that you don't want her to text. If you want other people to be able to contact you during those hours then put them on your 'favourites' list.

Tell your SIL you won't get her texts between X and X at night

Problem solved.

If she calls your DH because she is panicking then don't worry about it, he can deal with it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You paid out for an iPhone so you can get features like these - it's a bit daft not to use them

Hope you are feeling betterFlowers

NoMaybe · 02/05/2017 09:07

lol sorry I misread your OP and thought you were still in hospital

NoMaybe · 02/05/2017 09:10

I don't agree with putting your phone in a DND mode - what if someone else needs to get hold of you in the night

iPhone DND allows you to allow repeated calls from the same number to ring. Anyone calling in an emergency would know this. I've got my parents and kids on my favourites list too.

HeyRoly · 02/05/2017 09:15

She can't bear to see you because she finds the memory of your overdose too distressing?

FFS, what a selfish twat. She sounds like one of those people who loves drama and revels in other people's problems. How dare she make your MH issues all about HER. How dare she harass you by text every day just to fulfil some need in herself (she probably loves feeling like your "rescuer" despite doing absolutely nothing of use to you).

You need to have a stern word with her. "I appreciate your obvious concern SIL Hmm but please stop the barrage of banal early morning texts. I am not about to hurt myself, and even if I was, a text asking me about today's "plans" isn't going to make any difference".

Ok, maybe that was far too sarcastic Grin

Theweasleytwins · 02/05/2017 09:17

I have a Huawei watch, I've set it to do not disturb between 10-7 at night so maybe you could?

SlowLifeLove · 02/05/2017 09:17

You can block certain numbers during certain times on the iphone I think. Actually, the way I did it was to allow all calls through apart from from the number I didn't want. It's all in the do not disturb function.

But actually, i would tell her it is not on and ask her to stop.

Whatsername17 · 02/05/2017 09:28

Could you try 'Is everything OK with you? Your 'good morning' messages are getting earlier and earlier and I'm worried about you. Are you not sleeping well?'. Or, alternatively: 'hey sil, some stupid ppi company has gotten hold of my number and is texting and ringing at all hours. I'm going to be turning my phone off at bed time and on again at 8am coz it's driving dh mad. Just didn't want you to worry xxx'

Logolphin · 02/05/2017 09:29

This is about her making herself feel better.

NavyandWhite · 02/05/2017 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmokeCloak · 02/05/2017 09:33

Put phone on DND allow any exceptions you need.

AlicebyTheMoon · 02/05/2017 09:34

Or making it all about her in some way. SHE was too upset to provide RL support at the time. She insists on intrusive daily texts (I mean, wtf?!)and gets upset if she is asked nicely to stop and then escalates the behaviour.

This is not about the OP. This is about the SIL beinga drama llama and attention-seeking.

MrsWhiteWash · 02/05/2017 09:41

Walk expectations back.

We've had family pull similar stunts - no ill health in our case.

There are some technical solution other posters have suggested - I'd look into them.

Refusing to jump or instantly respond - ignore phone calls to others trying to get you to respond in their time scale. I'd first push back response time - make it an hour then slowly extend it then try not responding every day. Alternatively refuse to play along at all - and ignore the texts and if she rings others they can deal with her and ring text when you want.

It sound like it part of her daily routine get up and text you- you want to avoid that with evening texts in future.

dustmotesinthesun · 02/05/2017 09:42

Hearing from anybody other than a partner every day would drive me nuts, let alone at that time of day.

I think you have to try talking again and say politely that it's intrusive and has to stop.

SheSaidHeSaid · 02/05/2017 09:42

She finds you being ill previously too distressing and so she bombards you with texts which is distressing for you. She needs to stop.

Your DH needs to have a conversation with his brother about your sis-in-law. It's not her job to check up on you and she needs to back off as she's being utterly selfish by making herself feel better at your expense.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 02/05/2017 09:43

glad you have made some progress....evening is much easier to tolerate.

aside from all the techno tips to prevent the disturbance can you divert her to something other than text messaging?

Maybe facebook messenger...any interests in common, you could take it in turns to message about Masterchef, or whatever, and that way it would whittle it down from every evening and give you a focus instead of her interrogating you about plans and What You Have Done Today?

Booshbeesh · 02/05/2017 09:46

I think she sounds nice. Ok its annoying that its so early. But isit really that bad? Just message her and say omg if woke me again please don't text until after the kids gone school as im so busy in the morning and then atleast we can have a proper chat.. she might not realise ur busy she might assume well ul be up with kids anyway. Tell her its frustrating but dont block or ignore. That's just really mean. Especially when shes being kind and tryin to maintain a friendship/relationship with u. She doesnt have to after all.

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