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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aaargh stop texting me.

146 replies

GreenHairDontCare · 02/05/2017 06:43

Every. Fucking. Morning.

At 6am. Even on a Sunday.

Ever since I was in hospital last year, my SIL has taken to sending me the same text every morning asking how I am and what my plans are. If I don't reply within an hour or so she texts again and then panics and starts ringing DH.

I find it really intrusive and tbh I hardly ever have 'plans' beyond the school run so it's all a bit pointless.

My alarm goes off at 7am although I'm usually awake by 6.30. Her texts have been getting earlier and earlier and for the last couple of weeks have been 6am or just before. My phone is on silent but still vibrates, and makes my FitBit vibrate too.

I've started being quite terse in my replies (Fine. No plans.) but she still insists. I don't actually see her, haven't for about a year, but dh has mentioned it being unnecessary and she says it's just because she worries.

She doesn't react well to being asked not to do something (see also huge huge piles of presents for every birthday/Christmas), as in she usually reacts by doing it even more.

I'm just doomed I think to be stuck in this boring text cycle and being woken up earlier than I'd like.

WIBU to start getting a bit creative with my replies? 'I'm fine, thinking about fellating DH later' etc?

OP posts:
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 02/05/2017 07:46

XP. Are you happy with her texting in the evening instead? Do you want her to stop altogether?

Original poster
GreenHairDontCare · 02/05/2017 07:48

Evening texts are much better. At least I can actually reply with 'I've done xyz' instead of errrr no plans every day (which makes me feel a bit crap tbh).

OP posts:
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 02/05/2017 07:48

What about the daily level of contact?

BitOutOfPractice · 02/05/2017 07:52

You can set your phone to be on Do Not Disturb For certain periods. So, just set yours on DND from 10pm to 7am and jobs a good 'un. Probably easier than trying to get her to stop.

rjay123 · 02/05/2017 07:54

You can 'moon' her. Open messages, and bring up the thread with SIL. In the top right hand corner is an i symbol. Press this, then toggle Do Not Disturb on.

rjay123 · 02/05/2017 07:54

This will then stop notifications from her, but the texts will still flow through. On your messages list, you'll notice a moon symbol next to her name - hence mooning.

tammytheterminator · 02/05/2017 07:55

Christ, this would drive me nuts.

I get into trouble for being a bit blunt so I'd probably just ignore her. This is what other sane people seem to do.

My Mum would love a daily conversation but I can't bring myself to discuss what we're having for dinner and whether DH is home from work yet EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 02/05/2017 07:56

That's an improvement, but I'd go a step further myself because it's fucking annoying and a reminder of what happened.

'SIL, please stop texting me every day. I know you do it because you care but it is unnecessary and it just reminds me f the bad place WAS in. I'm fine now * so please stop'

  • it's not because she cares, it's because SHE has anxiety.

**. I hope you are 💐 but lie if you're not, then talk to someone IRL, or us.

IF she carries on, tell her in more plain terms that SHE has anxiety and needs to see a Dr. Tell her to STOP or you'll be forced to take further action.

She is NOT doing this because she is kind.

TupperwareTat · 02/05/2017 07:58

That would drive me insane. I would ignore every single text.

AnathemaPulsifer · 02/05/2017 08:02

OP you realise that your message to her gave no hint that she was waking you up every morning and you need it to stop? Confused

Nocabbageinmyeye · 02/05/2017 08:02

She'll text you in the evening/finds seeing you too distressing - this girl is a drama Queen that wants to do nothing for you, can't be arsed seeing you but is securing her place in the "I care so much, did do much brigade", she's all about herself, the her fuck off, getting texts from someone like that daily can't be good for your own head space

niangua · 02/05/2017 08:03

And at no point in A YEAR you told her to stop?

For god's sake, just tell the woman to stop texting you because she's coming across like an utter nutjob.

Then turn off the phone, or block her, and if she wants to ring your DH and do her nutjob thing, fine, but it's nothing to do with you.

lucyandpoppy123 · 02/05/2017 08:04

Phone onto airplane mode 😂

Fluffycloudland77 · 02/05/2017 08:04

It's still going to bug you, it's intrusive.

Block her & to hell with her anxiety. It's her problem not yours.

TheMonkeyandthePlywoodViolin · 02/05/2017 08:05

Youd think people would use more sensitive language around mental health to an OP who said she had overdosed.

Trollspoopglitter · 02/05/2017 08:06

OP, you've told us you can't tell her no and excuses why you can't turn off your phone - so you must have your reasons but prefer not to share them on the Internet.

I think you need your DH to speak to his brother and say her texts, no matter how well meaning, are actually stressing you out and he (not you) finds them intrusive. Have your DH assure them you have real life support and it's sorted. She's welcome to call you at a reasonable hour once a week or she's welcome to visit, but her texts aren't supportive nor helpful as is, and need to stop. He needs to tell his brother you've attempted to be tactful with his wife and she's not listening.

See what happens.

Then, if she texts again... DH need to text her and her husband back... Green hair is fine. She's asked you not to text daily but as you cannot respect her reasonable request, she's blocked your number. Do feel free to call her at X date on my phone to catch up, as I suggested.

GlitteryFluff · 02/05/2017 08:10

Can you reply to that saying 'actually I'd rather you didn't text every day. If I need help I will message you.'

Increasinglymiddleaged · 02/05/2017 08:10

I think you need to turn it round OP.
'Are you OK SIL, I'm really worried about you' on a daily basis. Because tbh her behaviour is quite worrying surely..!

Crickeycrumbsblimey · 02/05/2017 08:12

SHE finds it too distressing!!!!

Because of course it was easy for you OP........

Disturbing the sleep of someone with mental health problems is incredibly selfish - attention seeking idiot

PoorYorick · 02/05/2017 08:13

If you ask her not to text at 6am and she responds by texting at 5am, that doesn't sound like a sign of anxiety (though she may well have it). It sounds like she might be like a relative of mine who always likes to be seen as being in the thick of any crisis, supportive and indispensable, but doesn't actually do anything useful and in fact makes it worse. Wjat good does a dawn text a day do?

If you can tell her what she could do that really might be helpful or at least won't make things worse, to feed into her need to be seen to be doing something, it might work.

cdtaylornats · 02/05/2017 08:14

Automatic response for Android
droidlessons.com/how-to-setup-an-auto-reply-for-text-messages-sms-on-android/

Automatic response for Apple
www.idownloadblog.com/2013/07/11/how-to-customize-auto-reply/

Quickieat2 · 02/05/2017 08:15

Turn everything off and set an alarm to remind you to switch everything back on

GoodEyebrowDay · 02/05/2017 08:17

Why doesn't anyone use the 'do not disturb' function?

metalmum15 · 02/05/2017 08:20

It sounds like she's feeling guilty because she's too scared to come and see you, so she's making up for it by constantly texting instead.

augustusglupe · 02/05/2017 08:20

I tend to agree with Annie this is not kind. It's all being done under the heading of 'kindness' but it's not.
I'd tell her I think, but... and I know this sounds odd...I wonder if she's trying to drive you mad...as it's an anxiety provoking act in itself. It would drive me loopy!! When I first read the title of the thread I thought it was a man texting a woman. Maybe she wants you to flip?! I'm probably wrong, but something to mull over...
I only have my phone by my bed in case my daughter needs me anytime, as she lives away. Do you need to have your phone by you at night?

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