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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aaargh stop texting me.

146 replies

GreenHairDontCare · 02/05/2017 06:43

Every. Fucking. Morning.

At 6am. Even on a Sunday.

Ever since I was in hospital last year, my SIL has taken to sending me the same text every morning asking how I am and what my plans are. If I don't reply within an hour or so she texts again and then panics and starts ringing DH.

I find it really intrusive and tbh I hardly ever have 'plans' beyond the school run so it's all a bit pointless.

My alarm goes off at 7am although I'm usually awake by 6.30. Her texts have been getting earlier and earlier and for the last couple of weeks have been 6am or just before. My phone is on silent but still vibrates, and makes my FitBit vibrate too.

I've started being quite terse in my replies (Fine. No plans.) but she still insists. I don't actually see her, haven't for about a year, but dh has mentioned it being unnecessary and she says it's just because she worries.

She doesn't react well to being asked not to do something (see also huge huge piles of presents for every birthday/Christmas), as in she usually reacts by doing it even more.

I'm just doomed I think to be stuck in this boring text cycle and being woken up earlier than I'd like.

WIBU to start getting a bit creative with my replies? 'I'm fine, thinking about fellating DH later' etc?

OP posts:
TheMonkeyandthePlywoodViolin · 02/05/2017 07:03

Why does your phone need to be set to vibrate at night?

Brighteyes27 · 02/05/2017 07:05

I would kindly ask her not to text every day or to text so early as it annoying and disturbing my sleep.
I think it might be time she went to see a GP re her anxiety. Has she any friends of her own or is her mum or another supportive family member to go to her GP with sounds like worrying behaviour. I usually phone or text my parents every day or every other day as they are elderly just to see if they are both ok but never very early or very late or within the same time slot.

esiotrot2015 · 02/05/2017 07:05

She sounds mentally ill , surely there must be more to this

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 02/05/2017 07:05

You can set an iPhone to do not disturb mode between certain hours. I do it between 11pm and 7am because I've got a friend who texts at ridiculous times like your SIL.

StripySocks1 · 02/05/2017 07:06

In a situation like you've described where she won't listen when she's been asked to stop I'd be tempted to be really rude to her, sometimes it's the only way to get through to people like that, I'd wait till 10am then text back 'I'm fine, as always. My plans are none of your business.'

I've got someone who gives huge piles of gifts despite being asked not to and being told we don't have space for all of the knick knacks, I started giving them back before even opening them and saying 'I told you not to buy so many things, please return it to the shop' in a serious face without smiling.

Brighteyes27 · 02/05/2017 07:07

Many people use their phones as alarm
Clocks or have them on charge close by their beds at night and if they have a smart phone or OP might want to leave it on incase of any calls from her family etc.

ifeelcraptonight · 02/05/2017 07:07

Tell her to stop and tell her you will block her number if she doesn't. Alternatively get a teen to set your phone on do not disturb until 7am and tell her and tell your DH to tell his sister to do one if she rings him.

ChunkyHare · 02/05/2017 07:10

My phone is set to automatically stop ringing/vibrating between certain hours (night) on certain days.

But I have starred contacts so it allows these people to be able to ring me if something happens in the middle of the night and they need me.

It does not allow these same people to message me and make my phone make a noise. My phone is an android phone but surely you can set the same thing up on an iphone.

Huldra · 02/05/2017 07:10

I agree with texting back that you've lost sleep because she texted early. She may not realise that it wakes you up.

After that I would keep making a point of not relying straight away and giving vague responses like "same old boring stuff". If she presses you too soon to reply then text back that you've been busy and hadn't had a chance to reply yet.

Haing to give details of your movements by text every day sounds very tiresome. Is she lonely or anxious? Or did you have some sort of illness that she thinks you need daily checks for? It's very strange.

ChunkyHare · 02/05/2017 07:10

And I use my phone as an alarm

LedaP · 02/05/2017 07:12

Just block her number every night then. Unblock her when you get up.

SoupDragon · 02/05/2017 07:12

Just turn your phone off.

Crickeycrumbsblimey · 02/05/2017 07:13

Block her and your husband can put his phone on do not disturb. If you don't know how to block - from the text press the i info button, click on the name and scroll to the bottom. If you keep a text on your phone you can also unblock more easily if you need to.

I don't like to turn my phone off due to rural dodgy landline and my mum being seriously ill last year. This would piss me off no end but her behaviour isn't normal.

She might be genuinely anxious in which case she needs to see someone or she is making everything about her.

Gallavich · 02/05/2017 07:14

Smart phones are pretty damn smart though Smile
I have every app apart from one set to never make noises at me
I have text message noises switched off because if it's important someone will call not text
I have a list of important starred numbers such as family and ex husband so that if DS is away from me I can switch on do not disturb and only their calls will ring out loud
I have a Fitbit and it's a press of a button to turn off notifications at night, or a swipe of a finger to disconnect the Bluetooth on the phone
There are many ways you can configure your smart phone so that you only get disturbed by the things you want to be disturbed by. 'But I use it as an alarm' went out with the Nokias.

FrenchLavender · 02/05/2017 07:14

Without wishing to intrude, was the nature of your illness mental health related? It could be that she saw you at a really low ebb and thought it was helpful / compassionate to keep in constant contact, and now she just doesn't know when to stop, in case you are having a really bad day?

If so then a quiet word from your DH about how you are fine and she can lighten up/back off now, as her constant intrusion is driving you back into a depression might do the trick!

metalmum15 · 02/05/2017 07:15

Turn your phone off at night. (Unless that means she'll just start ringing the home phone, in which case, maybe not. ) Personally I wouldn't respond. Maybe a couple of times a week but not every day. If she can't get hold of you then let your husband deal with her. It's his sister. He'll soon get sick of it, I'm sure. I find this very weird and stalkerish behaviour. She might have some issues that need addressing but she can't hold your life to ransom, as I think a PP put it.

metalmum15 · 02/05/2017 07:15

Turn your phone off at night. (Unless that means she'll just start ringing the home phone, in which case, maybe not. ) Personally I wouldn't respond. Maybe a couple of times a week but not every day. If she can't get hold of you then let your husband deal with her. It's his sister. He'll soon get sick of it, I'm sure. I find this very weird and stalkerish behaviour. She might have some issues that need addressing but she can't hold your life to ransom, as I think a PP put it.

Trb17 · 02/05/2017 07:16

Seriously you're not doing her any favours in letting this go on as it's irrational behaviour she needs to stop.

Block her number and the she can harass your DH instead.

It's weird and she needs some sort of intervention.

Original poster
GreenHairDontCare · 02/05/2017 07:19

I've just replied saying I don't get up until seven and that I'm fine, have been for months, and that she doesn't need to check up on me.

We'll see what happens.

OP posts:
Original poster
GreenHairDontCare · 02/05/2017 07:19

She's DH's brother's wife btw...

OP posts:
TheElephantofSurprise · 02/05/2017 07:21

Turn all phones off. Do not respond. Get another phone and don't give her, or any of her friends/relatives who might pass it on, your new number. Keep the old phone so she can dial as often as you like because you'll never answer.

Olivialoves · 02/05/2017 07:21

OP, you can change it so that you don't get notified of texts from specified contacts on iPhone.
Open a text from them in your phone.
Click the i in the top right corner.
Slide across the do not disturb option.

sparkleandsunshine · 02/05/2017 07:22

What a fruit loop! Good luck with that! Hope she leaves you be x

TheMonkeyandthePlywoodViolin · 02/05/2017 07:22

Hmm.I would have softened if with but thanks for caring but fair enough if you are at end of tether :)

Clutterbugsmum · 02/05/2017 07:22

So what if she gets upset if you tell her to stop contacting. She's your SIL not god.

The only reason she does this is because both you and your DH are to afraid to tell her where to go.

Why are you and DH (and I suspect the rest of his family) pandering to her.

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