To think my husband has a drinking problem?

[Mumof3MasterofNone]

I feel kind of awful for thinking this but....
Husband drinks about 2.5 pints every night. This has been ongoing for years. Everything in moderation is his mantra. It's never bothered me until a recent holiday when everyday revolved around him being able to have his beer. He also won't eat with us anymore as he doesn't like to drink on a full stomach so he waits until the kids are in bed, has his beers then his tea. It's very ritualistic.
I let it go on holiday (god that makes me sound like a right nag) I mean I didn't make an issue out of it for the sake of the holiday.
Anyway we're back now, and he has suspected gout 🙈
Doc says beer is the worst cause. Husband disagrees 'everything in moderation'. Apparently doc says it's common after holiday as you get dehydrated. So it seems beer is off the hook with that one comment?

So all our weekend plans have gone awry because he can't walk. I'm doing everything. Last night he asks me to go to the shop. No problem, what would you like? The reply-beer!

So I said that I didn't feel comfortable buying him beer. Why don't you have a break from it to give your body chance to fight the gout. 'I don't want to' came the reply.
Apparently I'm trying to control him and he doesn't agree that beer does any harm. Maybe it wasn't the cause, maybe it was. Surely if there were doubt then it's sensible to have a break?
Is 2 beers a day every day too much?
AIBU??

Dan are you ignoring the gout and the impact of the drinking on the family's routine?
Some people get very defensive on the alcohol issue I've noticed.

Lilybensmum1- good luck to you too!

I have tried saying I'm worried. The response is an eye roll.

I know guidelines are just guidelines and people drink far more. But when your life revolves around a drink is that too far?

OP a relative of mine minimised the amount they drink to their doctor.

Posted too soon. It meant the GP was not getting a true picture of extent of drinking and its impact on other health issues.

I wasn't in the doctors with him but he said the doctor asked him if he drank and he said he drank beer so the conversation was about beer being bad for gout and he should lay off it for now.
He made a joke about cutting every other possible cause out so he could still drink beer. He was laughing about it but I'm really worried

My DP goes through phases where he drinks a ridiculous amount every day. He's odd as he seems to go through periods when he's almost dependent on it, but then can go for months without any. He is depressed and I have no doubt these cycles are linked to that.

I'd advise you to do what I did, and ring the doctor. I asked on here if the doctor would treat what I said as confidential, even though I wasn't, in this instance, her patient, and was assured she would. So I rang the morning I knew he was seeing her for a depression check-up, to give her the heads up that he was drinking far too much. I'd had to tell the receptionist it was an emergency, but the doctor was pleased I'd given her the heads up.

Guidelines are just guidelines. Occasionally drinking a bit more is very unlikely to kill you.
BUT alcohol is an addictive poison. Drinking every day and structuring your day to ensure you get your fix suggests the drinker is not in control.

Take the 'alcohol' bit out for a second.

If I ate so many sweets I gave myself candida, went to the doc who said;

'Eat less sugar and you will stop the intense itching and discomfort'

And I chose not to do that, but keep eating and scratching, everyone would think I was a bit stupid wouldn't they?

It doesn't matter whether the PP's DH is drinking a thimble or a bottle a night, if it's putting him in agony he needs to grow up and make the change.

I want my husband back. I want to be able to talk to him about my genuine concerns without being made to feel like a neurotic control freak.
I want to eat dinner with my husband and children.
I don't want my family torn apart but I also don't want to be responsible for allowing the situation to worsen.

Op, my dh is like this. But a bit worse. He puts off eating dinner until he has drunk a bottle of wine. It is all done with a lot of ceremony and I get poured a glass (that I don't want and have often said I don't want).

It all happened very slowly in our house and I'm ashamed to say I didn't realise until he was very unpleasant to me one evening.

I call him out on it constantly now. He had admitted he has a problem. I hate it. He's a drunken bore when he had been drinking, a bad father as he's constantly a bit hungover and massively selfish. I've told his parents I think he had a problem and I've told him he needs to get help. If he doesn't sort this out I don't see a real future for us to be honest as I spend a lot of time inwardly seething at him.

Also, op it's the daily nature of it. I love a glass of wine. But only a couple and only every now and again.

He puts off dinner too. Sometimes sits down at 10pm to eat!
I like what I like, life is all about doing what you want is what he tells me.
Yes it is but if something I was doing worried him this much then I would listen or at least not belittle him for raising it.

My DH gets gout linked to hydration (he gets dehydrated v easily). If he is desperate enough to walk with gout to get beer he has a problem!

Exactly same here. To be honest we have a stressful life, little Family support, difficult jobs and money worries as a result and lots of young children. But it's a ridiculous way to self medicate. I've started saying I'm not hungry and refusing to eat late with him.

I eat with the kids so spend the evening alone while he does his ritual.
We too are very busy and work hard, and yes we all deserve rewards and to relax. I just don't think it should take over your life!

I wouldn't think two beers a night is excessive, no, what would worry me is his weird routines round it, that he can't drink his beer if he's eaten and it impacts his family life and he can't go without it.

I'm not sure he is an alcoholic but something is amiss as his behaviour is abnormal. Very controlled and routine orientated. Is he like this in other areas of life, where he has to do things a certain and very specific way?

No not really. Nothing jumps out elsewhere in his life that is like a ritual. He doesn't eat at all during the day. This has happened slowly. He says that when he eats during the day he feels bloated and gets indigestion.
I have been worried about this too in the past but it wasn't until the holiday when he said that he couldn't eat earlier (before we drove to relatives) as he wouldn't get his beer as he can't drink on a full stomach. It was then that I thought oh my god is this a drink thing?

My step father was like this, we went on holiday with my Dm and DSF his whole day revolved around where he was going to get his drink.
I booked a small hotel it didn't have a bar or restaurant, OMG you've think I had booked a tent in the middle of nowhere. He had planned on propping up the bar each evening.
He finally died of cirrhosis of the liver (six years after this holiday). When cleaning house after his death, my mother found bottles hidden all over the place, even in the folds of the curtains.

The not eating thing sounds really odd. Is there a reason he feels too full to drink after eating? That's not normal.
I like what I like. I like doing a certain exercise class to unwind. It doesn't take time or money away from my family. I can miss it if I need to. No big deal. It doesn't dictate family time.

Sounds more like a food issue, he doesn't eat all day, will drink two beers on an empty stomach and won't eat with you and the kids, but sit on his own at about ten?

Did he have or has he ever had weight issues, an eating disorder, because it does sound like he has problems with food.

I agree with bluntness.

2 pints is mehh. The food issues are the problem. Maybe he needs a bit of peace? Stressed? Whos relatives were you visiting?

Doesn't sound like an alcoholic to me.

The fact he has gout is a concern here, does he eat in secret? I really think he has an eating disorder. What's his weight like?