To think breastfeeding has made no difference to my dd and is massively overrated in terms of benefits?

[Placeanditspatrons]

I've nearly driven myself to a breakdown feeding my dd. She is 16 months now and I'm still feeding. She has been ill more times and worse than my formula fed from four months son. She does not recover any faster and she catches anything I get and gets it worse, despite supppsedly the antibodies passing to her and either preventing or reducing the severity of the illness.

I know it's anecdotal and the studies say overall bf babies are healthier but how much healthier? I mean I we talking one less cold? One less ear injection? Statistically? Many of my friends have said similar. Again anecdotal but I can't help wondering - after the colostrum which is more important I guess - does it really make any noticeable difference?

With my first, the BF mafia (midwife, hospital, general attitude of many mumsnetters etc) made it very clear that if you're not BFing you're failing your child and are a shit parent. No exceptions

Am genuinely shocked by this. Overwhelming support for FF on mumsnet, and overwhelming support for struggling breastfeeders, how hard it is, to switch to formula instead etc

I feel the complete opposite

I don't know anyone who breastfeeds. I feel in the minority. I feel like I'm some weirdo hippy member of the breastapo when I'm not. I don't feed in public. The general responses of breastfeeding in public on forums, are awful.

Maybe it's just me. But I wish there wasn't judgement on either side

Teats! Not tears!

While we're on the subject of bf... How does one actually stop bf? My ds is 13 months now and Im still bf. I'm back at work full time so it's once in the morning, once in the evening and couple of times during the night.. and on demand at weekends. I'm ok with it for now but starting to feel the strain. My mil and others have said 'oh they just lose interest at some point' so my plan was to wait for that point. Is that really what happens? It doesn't seem like that will be the case with us. I'm a little torn as I'd like to wait until ds decides but also don't want to wait so long that I resent having ever done it!

I ff fed all three kids. They were barely sick. My friends who breast fed were never out of the doctors. Viruses and stomach bugs every week .So im not that sold on breastfeeding and will never understand why people go on about it and jump on bandwagons. It is bizarre. It's a method of feeding. End of. I know people who smoked and drank during pregnancy and there was very few comments passed on that. You would wonder what people's priorities actually are. You are fed up breastfeeding so I'd say stop now.

That is all true and I think it is fair to say that for those children poverty is the clear single most important factor in their predicted poor outcomes, second probably to parental neglect with infant feeding being the very least of the issues.

However, that doesn't mean FF does not increase the risks at all. It just means it is not the biggest issue facing those families and the poor outcomes their children are likely to have.

Offred...ah, yes. I remember this well. We went to NCT classes and when the feeding part of the day came the woman just pointed over to a load of bottled and a steriliser in the corner of the room and said
"Just have a go and see what a faff it is!" And when asked (by me) what formula nct recommend she sniffed "doesn't matter they are all the same" I.e: bad
I truly blame the pressure to bf on my late onset pnd and ds1 becoming so ill at 4 days old.
Luckily with Ds2 I was a bit more knowledgable and I fed him for a few weeks til I wanted to stop.
He - and I - were very happy with both ways.

My sil bf my nephew and I'm very proud of her.
It wasn't an easy birth and he is a very hungry baby but she persevered and now he is taking ff too as she is going back to work.
However you feed your baby is fine....that's what I wish we could make clear to new mums.
Happy mummy. Happy baby.

Gluteus...I was the only ff out of the small group at baby massage.
I didn't feel weird.
It's such a small part of your child's life. An important one, yes.
But ds1 is nearly 14 now and towers above me and no one would guess he was fed evil formula 😀
I'm sorry you feel uncomfortable feeding in public. No bf mother should feel that way.

I breastfed both of mine til they were 2 years old and they are now teenagers. One has severe eczema, the other has a nut allergy and has had lots of bouts of tonsillitis over the years. Neither were particularly healthy as toddlers. Both are dyslexic so it hasn't made them any more academic. I enjoyed breastfeeding so I don't regret it, but I doubt it made any difference at all health wise to either of them.

I agree! With a slight caveat I guess, that we have proper education in high school on parenting including infant feeding, weaning etc.

Don't get this modern thing where 'early intervention' is to send parents of older children to parenting courses once their children are already struggling and in many cases when it is not even a parenting issue but because the SS support for their SN/disabled children has been cut.

Or why you get to postnatal and then get hammered with 'breast is best' or 'just give him a bottle' and 'we are not allowed to talk about FF until the baby is ill and then we can't help you with it because we aren't allowed' or 'can't she just give him a bottle' crap that makes EVERYONE feel bad and helps NO-ONE!

You certsinly haven't harmed your little one and almost certainly she has benefitted although formula milk is very good too. You may well have benefitted yourself in later life and that is important too.

Offred...agree completely.
Any interventions must be done early.
Early is key.

I'd like to see advice in schools include FF; how to make bottles, differences in types of milk, importance of how milk is/isn't stored/heat etc alongside breastfeeding advice.

Importance for development of close feeding positions with bottle feeding (any milk), not propping up bottles and leaving baby etc. Proper sleeping advice.

The cot thing drives me nuts since I saw this nuts movement to get newborns to sleep longer by wrapping them up in loads of clothes/blankets, keeping the room at 21 degrees and placing them far away from you to sleep.... that is in a cot but it is not 'safe sleeping' if your newborn 'sleeps better' doing that it is because they are overheating and not supervised so risk of death is increased.

The problem is the breastfeeding message in this country is hugely confused. They hammer breast is best into you but then once the baby is born (IME) there is little proper support on the NHS and they are very quick to top up with formula.

For eg, in my case I was fairly confident as 1) I had done loads of reading around breastfeeding beforehand so I was aware of potential pitfalls and what to do/where to seek help and (2) my mum had breastfed all four of us into toddlerhood so it didn't even occur to me to formula feed as breastfeeding was just the norm in my family.

Anyway, I had a traumatic labour and emergency c section but ds latched on like a champ, was feeding brilliantly, loads of wet nappies etc. All was groovy. Except they weighed him and he'd lost 8% of his birth weight. Having read up about it beforehand, I knew full well that c section babies often have slightly inflated birth weights due to all the IV fluids, hence I did not feel the extent of his weight loss was accurate. Nonetheless I was told to top him up with formula if I wanted to be discharged. I was desperate to get home by that point as had been in hospital 5 days so did as I was told BUT someone who didn't have familial support and hadn't done their research beforehand could have so easily fallen into the trap either of continually topping up or of thinking they weren't producing enough milk and switching to formula. Ds never had formula again til he was six months, when I stopped breastfeeding, and in all that time his weight gain was steady and excellent. But I could so easily have believed breastfeeding didn't work for me based on ill informed advice from nhs staff.

I haven't read all the replies, but I'm sure lots of other things need taking into consideration. If she has an older sibling he may be bringing bugs in, being breast fed she may not be sleeping as well as a bottle fed baby, tired children pick up stuff. Many other factors too. I have a friend who breastfed all of hers and they got everything going, they seemed to get so many sickness bugs. One a month at bad times. I have another friend who bottle fed both hers from day one, they were rarely ill. So statistics aren't always correct. Mine were all breastfed and we got bugs but not as many as some, more than others. Also my oldest for some reason got way more bugs than his siblings. He was also a poor eater and a poor sleeper, so these must be taken into consideration.
So I'm sure it's all part of a much bigger picture. They also say breast fed babies are more intelligent. Not sure on that one. I wasn't breast fed so that probably makes that one correct!
If you don't enjoy it, don't do it. You've done it a lot longer than some.

I had difficulty stopping but needed to to get my cycle restarted (we wanted another baby). My husband took over nighttime duty and within four days baby stopped waking for a feed as daddy only patted and rocked him. He never did take a bottle. Around 6 months I very gradually introduced cows milk from a sippy cup and by a year he could manage a regular cup so the nighttime feeds were just comfort feeding. Two months later we conceived.

"The science does show that child 1 who was FF from birth has increased risk of infant mortality, poorer health outcomes etc though.."

Yes, because there's every chance that the FF baby was born into a non MC socio economic class, with attendent health issues.

A happy mum is the best medicine for your daughter. You've breastfed long enough! Give it up now. My daughter was breast fed until 3 years old because i stupidly thought she would naturally give it up! And when she didn't i thought it would be easy to reason with her as she got older. It wasn't. In the end I had to dictate the weaning and withhold the last (bedtime) feed as she raged at me. She used to get all the viruses at nursery. But now she is in year 1 and although she still gets whatever is going around, the difference between her and some of the other children is that she only gets the bugs mildly. And to date she has never contracted the d&v bugs. So maybe the breast feeding has paid off. But seriously i wouldn't wait until she can talk to give it up as she will tell you in no uncertain terms that she doesn't want to. 😂😂

Totally agree with Homity. The message regarding breastfeeding is very mixed up. I've only just stopped breast feeding my 19month old and I loved every second but I can sure as hell tell you that if it was driving me insane I would have stopped. Your mental wellbeing is just as important! You've done amazing to do it for so long However don't kid yourself that ff is as good. It's great and a valid feeling method and nobody should feel guilt/shame or anything bad for opting for it in their situation but you cannot compare it to what's natural for baby. Seriously though you've done the main bulk focus on food now! Bed of luck x

And yeah, night feeding and breastfeeding are two separate issues. All my BF babies (4 of them) were sleeping through the night every night by 4-9 months.

As they get older they do switch from feeding for food to feeding for food and for comfort. My sister is still doing night feeds with her 14 month old but she likes it and is aware he doesn't 'need' it.

I always did all the baby stuff as either a single mum or with an unhelpful h. I managed to do the patting thing even with the milk to help them sleep through.

I think it is rather nuts to be desperate over night feeding a toddler TBH, the only reason to do that is really because you like it. So is it the breastfeeding or the nightfeeding that is crazy making.

I fed the twins till they were two but the last year of that was only once a day after evening meal/bath and before story. The other two till about 12 months and they both had had a good few months of one morning and one evening then down to one evening before they stopped.

I have to say there was never any pressure put on me to breastfeed, I never ever had a midwife or HV tell me I should be doing it. My DS1 wasn't breastfed, I had a complicated birth and I had no milk therefore he was formula fed. He (touch wood) never gets unwell, my DD was breastfed for about 2 months but since she had a tongue tie and I got a severe case of mastitis I gave up and oh the relief! DD is also a very well child. I have quite a thick skin so wouldn't take any notice of anyone trying to make me feel guilty about my choices. I would nip any unhelpful comments from the midwife straight in the bud. I commend women who can and do breastfeed, I couldn't but I don't feel bad about it.

No ma - I meant that child 1 where the only difference is being FF rather than BF.

I do agree that some of the messages combined with the lack of support are harmful. I don't think it is reasonable to infer that because class has an effect of outcomes there is therefore no increased risk re FF.

And it is more complicated anyway because when you start FF also had an impact. If I remember correctly there are milestones along the lines of never been breastfed, breastfed for 3 days, for 1 month etc then there is the effect of time of introduction of solids and that BF/FF has an effect on that also.

And actually I don't think breastfed babies sleep worse either, I mean yes they want to feed lots but post 8 months or so if you want to night wean them then you can.