To think breastfeeding has made no difference to my dd and is massively overrated in terms of benefits?

[Placeanditspatrons]

I've nearly driven myself to a breakdown feeding my dd. She is 16 months now and I'm still feeding. She has been ill more times and worse than my formula fed from four months son. She does not recover any faster and she catches anything I get and gets it worse, despite supppsedly the antibodies passing to her and either preventing or reducing the severity of the illness.

I know it's anecdotal and the studies say overall bf babies are healthier but how much healthier? I mean I we talking one less cold? One less ear injection? Statistically? Many of my friends have said similar. Again anecdotal but I can't help wondering - after the colostrum which is more important I guess - does it really make any noticeable difference?

Tiktok - it's not about the language I use. Fact is some people will misinterpret whatever is written!

And I think a large part of why so little bf is that you can't be positive about it or raise valid points about the pro and cons without being jumped on. If I said I ended up feeding my dc1 for 20 months after a battling and using formula in the first few weeks someone would say I'm boasting or trying to be superior!!! Whereas if I said I ff for 20 months after a battle with feeding and a bit of bfing in the first few weeks everyone would be supportive and sympathetic!!! My dc2 was on life support in her first few months and I picked up breastfeeding her after that (pumping whilst she was on nose feeds) - yet I can't celebrate my successes (which yes also to some extend cost my mental health each time) without someone being nasty. Yet I've never judged a ff - far from it - I can completely see why people do it. I feel the pressure to ff given it's so the norm in this country is massive. How many times if you say you can't attend x social function do people say behind their back we'll can't they just give them a bottle?!

Well

Of course ppl misinterpret. Sometimes it's from hurt, anger and disappointment, resentment and regret, or a mix of all of those. I say we should watch our language i) because people who are hurt etc etc need respect and care and ii) as a sensible strategy to enable clear communication...which doesn't happen if people get the slightest reason to twist.

"I do think you need to be careful about your choice of words around such an emotive subject. Bear in mind that the large majority of mothers want to breast feed and start to, but then can't for a variety of reasons, so inflating the 'risks' of not breastfeeding will not make you any friends."

Absolutely- about being careful around language. But the problem is that it has become so emotive that I, and I am sure others, hesitate before commenting on bf threads where women are actually asking for advice because I am afraid of being accused of putting pressure on. Someone can be posting that they are thinking of giving up because it is proving difficult, and the prevailing advice is always to switch to ff. And that may very well be the right decision. But so might persevering. There is so much misinformation about bf about.

Others don't find it hard. I've seen lots of good breast feeding advice given without the need to scaremonger or stat twist against formula feeding.

I think everyone can agree that more support is geverally required for everyone on feeding and that the mothers mental health/health should be given way more consideration when feeding options are discussed or promoted.

I felt like this. My DS had a lot of deficiencies due to my milk as i was deficient in d3 and b12. I just think more needs to be done to support bf mother's and make sure they aren't low in anything. My DS had learning delays aswell as issues with weak legs etc. He's catching up now, i didn't bf long but i should imagine most of the damage was done during pregnancy as nobody checked my levels then either.

I think bf is great, but more needs to be done during pregnancy to support it

"I felt like this. My DS had a lot of deficiencies due to my milk as i was deficient in d3 and b12. I just think more needs to be done to support bf mother's and make sure they aren't low in anything. My DS had learning delays aswell as issues with weak legs etc"

Can I ask- and obviously ignore me if you want- who told you that your child's issues were due to deficiencies in your milk?

Y0uCann0tBeSer10us Mon 01-May-17 09:19:01

"I agree that there is immense pressure to breastfeed. It's true that most women stop after a few months, but the message throughout all your contact with HCPs and society in general is that the best mums breast feed, and the implication is that anyone who doesn't is therefore failing their child in some way. I always expected to breast feed as it is the norm in my circles, and I went to the breast feeding workshop before birth - it was a complete waste of rose-tinted time, which did nothing to prepare me for the difficult reality of it, and I still feel massively let down now, years later."

This was more my experience. When ds was newborn, the breastfeeding lady went round our beds on the ward and asked each new mum how she was going to feed. The ones that said bf got a smile and an encouraging nod, the ones who said bottle got the pursed lips and the slow headshake.

I did breastfeed my second though I had already managed to put one baby in hospital with malnutrition. But if I had been less confident, that would have put me right off.

After BF one DC then FF my other DC I can honestly say it made no difference to their health, bond, sleep etc xx

Unfortunately when you've got an older sibling babies are exposed to bugs earlier. It will be interesting to see as she gets older if she gets ill very much or if getting things earlier has built up her imune system at an early age

I sympathise. My children are teenagers now - both have bad echzema, allergies and my son has asthma too - with no particular family history with any of these. I found breastfeeding quite hard but persevered because I thought it was the right thing to do, but sometimes wonder..

You've done far more than most people manage. Could it be time to be kind to yourself? Stopping now will make next to no difference to your little one - apart from the temporary effect of adjusting to the change. I agree with your feeling that people are pressurised to feed these days. It's not right - all for encouraging and helping but the bullying is too much. Remember Good Enough is good enough! There is no one in the history of humanity who has been a perfect mother.

I fed both of my children formula from the start. Couldn't get on with breast feeding. They had the occasional cold etc like any other person. Nothing out of the ordinary. Never once did I wish I had done BF. The only problem with bottle feeding is the guilt you feel for not doing what is considered to be 'best' for your baby. But like you say... is it? At least you did though because imagine the guilt if you had bottle fed and your little one was the same.

It sounds like you're doing a brilliant job. The benefits are lifelong, not just for 16 months. Also, it becomes a great toddler soother when they get frustrated but don't have language to express it, so it goes from feeling like making a sacrifice to making life easier. On the lifelong benefits bit, read this: thinkaboutnow.com/2017/04/the-case-for-breastfeeding-toddlers/ Having said that, we're all free to choose and not be criticised for our choices.

I think it's sad OP that you feel that you feel that you have been 'cheated' into having to breastfeed by people - it should be the most natural thing to provide for your baby.
You'll see the benefits in the long term when the children are older and that will continue into adulthood and passed on through the gene pool. If humans weren't supposed to breastfeed, we wouldn't be doing it, it's as simple as that.

I have worked on farms.. my friends are farmers, my dad was a farmer...
The old school farmers actively try to source first milk for new calves that have lost their mothers. They call it beast milk.. then then wean the calf onto another cow and they go to great efforts to find one that will / can feed a calf.
And for good reason :
Calves raised on natural milk are healthier. They are less likely to get things like pneumonia and other chest issues for a start (it doesn't miss them all but greatly reduces the infecion rate.) They also have better joints and less fat. Formula fed calves often (often but not always) require more antibiotics for infection. They also grow fatter quicker.
So... there is a benefit and a significant one. But... bf is not a guarantee that a baby will never be ill.
Maybe baby is sicker than another child... but maybe baby would have been even more sick had you not bf.
That said... You've done very very well. Most people have given up long before you have... if that wasn't the case... bf in public would be the norm!
Give yourself a break. You've done great.

On a side note... I've fed 4.. the last one is one on his own. He has had endless chest problems from silent reflux... he's been hard work to feed and it's not always satisfying..especially when he's kicking, screaming, fighting and biting...

I totally agree with you. I know so many women who have had the same experience as you. So much pressure is put on new mothers to breast feed. Encouraging new mothers to breast feed saves the government a fortune, as formula milk is so expensive when handed out free to mothers on benefits. I formula fed both my two from birth and both were much happier babies than any of the breast fed babies I knew at the time. Also mine seemed to have very robust immune systems.I think it was more to do with the fact that I was more relaxed and babies are more content when mummy is happy! My two had less time off nursery than the breast fed babies too! My mum breast fed my older brother and sister and bottle fed me and swore blind I was an easier baby because of it!

Sorry haven't had time to RTFT but for what it's worth, I had to give up feeding DS at 6 weeks (he would not feed, lost weight and I had a massive breast access ) He is now 24 and probably one of the healthiest people I know and always has been. DD breast fed happily for 10 months+ and caught everything under the sun including chicken pox (kindly donated by her bro) at 6 months. So who knows? Things don't always work out the way you think they're going to. I think the important thing is for you to do whatever is best for you and your family. I'm sure giving up at 16 months is absolutely fine. Be kind to yourself!

We all have gone through this angst at one stage or another with our babies - you feel you're doing your best when you are breast feeding - when it is all going amazingly well! When you've gone through a rough birth, possibly losing a lot of blood, and you are urged to feed baby yourself because you 'ticked the box' on your birth plan - and anyway your milk has come in (if you put a cross in the box, would it not come in? just asking) then you are being pressured to breastfeed. If your baby latches on miraculously and the whole thing is a great experience (DD2) then you wholeheartedly feel it is doing what it's supposed to. As someone else mentioned, at 16 months you are now just pandering to baby - they love it so you do it :-) I believe all the evidence that formula can be a great way to feed your baby - (DD1 moved on at 4 months - would only feed from 1 'side' and it was getting stressful - no surprise, she still thrived!) Everyone has a story and you have yours - it's up to you, don't feel guilty and don't continue when you have already done such a good job!

Should also say that I suffered massive guilt pangs for giving up on DS and had to endure lots of snippy remarks from NCT contacts. Feckers!

Not read this thread but my formula fed daughter is never ill! My two sons who I breast fed are literally never out of the doctors. I always think this!!

I agree there is a poverty of support re FF as a result of the NHS/PH attitude of issuing diktats rather than educating people on health. This does however also apply to BF support to in that there usually isn't any for the many people who find breastfeeding not to be straightforward and those people are then just told to give FF without any support.

For me this begins with the idea that breastfeeding is 'better' - it isn't, breastmilk is simply normal nutrition for babies. Formula feeding is shown to increase some of the risks (yes, in the U.K.) but equally there are a lot of things that can be done to mitigate those increased risks but people need to have support and education re those additional risks.

I wish the system was geared to helping to educate and support re risk reduction rather than formula v breastfeeding and that HCPs were able to support individual choice to BF/FF within that context.