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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this bloody party should have been cancelled

148 replies

stillpinching · 29/04/2017 21:30

DD went to a party today - well it was more of a day out with the birthday girl and a couple of her other friends. I am furious as when she got back she mentioned how the birthday child had had to be taken home early by one of her parents as she had thrown up in the shopping centre.

The other parent had carried on with the outing (cinema trip), which I think is odd in itself, but I'm guessing they had pre-booked the tickets and didn't want them all wasted. They did skip the meal though so dd was home earlier than planned.

What has really enraged me is that dd mentioned at bedtime that this girl's sibling was off school ill yesterday. So this could all have been predicted. What on earth were they thinking? Now I suppose that's our bank holiday ruined. Angry.

OP posts:
CPtart · 30/04/2017 07:56

You're being ridiculous. The parents did what they thought was best, including continuing to take your DD to see a film despite theirs having left being unwell on her birthday. If you are 'enraged' about this you have a problem, and if not careful will your issues onto your DD.

CPtart · 30/04/2017 07:56

...Will project your issues

MrsDrSpencerReid · 30/04/2017 08:03

I wouldn't be happy either OP, as a genuine emetophobe and also having a person with a compromised immune system at home.

However in the party parents shoes I probably would have done the same Grin so we probably are both BU!

My DS brought home a horrible tummy bug that was ripping through his class the other week, and the rest of us didn't get sick, so hopefully you'll be ok Smile

topcat2014 · 30/04/2017 08:08

Is emetophobe a thing in real life?

I subscribe to the "better out than in" rule when feeling sick myself, and 'happily hold DD's hair out of the way if she asks while being sick.

I prefer dealing with things from the head end rather than the other!

allowlsthinkalot · 30/04/2017 08:13

Joining the chorus of yabvu. The parents did nothing wrong here. Cancelling a party because the sibling was ill would have been bonkers.

They removed their child as soon as she was sick. Then made sure the others still had a nice time. Taking them all home would have been a bit shitty.

The parents handled it really considerately when it was actually really crap for their own child.

HoldBackTheRain · 30/04/2017 08:22

This is one of the biggest over reactions I've ever read. YABVVU!

Ankleswingers · 30/04/2017 08:36

topcat2014

To quote you, yes, being Emetephobic is 'very much a thing in real life'.

Having suffered from it since the age of seven years old, it affects my daily life in a very severe way.

It is debilitating and terrifying and being a severe Emetephobe for me involves taking medication including SSR's, Beta Blockers and I am about to start counselling.

I also have been suicidal at times and am
also confirmed as suffering from OCD due to it.

My hands and fingers are red raw and split from the constant washing; just last night my husband had to bandage them up for me as they're so sore.

So, in answer to your rather insulting post, I can 100% confirm that Emetephobia exists and is very much ' a thing in real life'.

topcat2014 · 30/04/2017 09:06

@ankle - ok then, fair enough - it's just it gets bandied around on here but I have never known anyone IRL with it.,

topcat2014 · 30/04/2017 09:08

@ankle - I wish you the best, honestly.

I do wonder, however, if there are people who describe themselves in that way in the same way as some say 'it makes my OCD bad' without actually having the condition.

That is, of course, upsetting you genuine sufferers such as you.

usernumbernine · 30/04/2017 09:12

Sibling was ill not birthday child. I wouldn't have cancelled for that.

RunTumMum · 30/04/2017 09:42

Of course emetophobia is a real thing. I have suffered for as long as I can remember although not as severely as ankle and I have worked very hard to get it under control so only those very close to me in real life have any idea. I absolutely do not subscribe to the better out than in philosophy and over the years have spent time deep breathing through waves of nausea when I have a bug to avoid vomiting- I have been successful on all but one occasion in the last 30 years. For me the bigger fear relates to others vomiting and as a result I absolutely will not set foot on a ferry and much to the DCs disappointment I won't help on school trips which require a coach journey. When I was younger I seriously thought I would never choose to have children as I never thought I would ever be able to cope with them vomiting. I am proud that I have worked hard enough to control my phobia that they have no idea. However I always know when other parts of life are getting stressful as I get intrusive thoughts about them vomiting. Incidents where I have been around vomiting in my life, including at school 25 years ago, are burnt on my memory and I get flashbacks from time to time.

I think emetophobia is a curious one as obviously nobody likes sick. I can't think of another phobia where the normal reaction is also dislike/disgust.

Anyway back to the OP. I would wish they had cancelled but would also know I was being entirely unreasonable in having that desire and wouldn't articulate it.

Floggingmolly · 30/04/2017 09:47

I think they were actually very good to take the rest of the kids to the film; when the birthday girl was out of the picture Confused
I'm sure many people would have simply cancelled the whole thing at that point, and arranged for the remaining children to be collected.
How did it ruin your bank holiday!?

haveacupoftea · 30/04/2017 09:50

YABU. Can't stand this attitude of being annoyed at other people for being sick.

Bluntness100 · 30/04/2017 09:51

You're behaving badly and seriously over reacting. You wanted the birthday girls celebrations cancelled in the off chance she got sick because you wanted to remove all risk to your own child even though they would have been at school together anyway.

That's such a shame for the birthday girl. It would have been shit for her parents to cancel in case she got sick. Most people would have felt sorry for the child, you just feel extremely angry. Abnormal reaction.

RainyDayBear · 30/04/2017 09:53

YABU. The parents were very kind to ensure the other children weren't disappointed even though the poor birthday girl was ill!

tireddotcom72 · 30/04/2017 10:02

I can't see how it's ruined a bank holiday, your child isn't sick. I work in a school and when there is a bug some children get it and some don't. I come into contact with lots of sick children but never get ill myself. My dd has had horrific norovirus and I've been fine.

It might have been excitement not a bug that caused the puking.

Why stress about something that hasn't happened and might not happen.

ButtMuncher · 30/04/2017 10:02

I'm an emetaphobe so sickness makes me anxious, just the mere mention Blush

However - kids get sick. There is nothing to say that these two children weren't sick because of something they ate. Perhaps the parents saw the sibling was sick and as nobody else had been sick around them they chalked it up to a virus? DSS is often sick but it's not a tummy bug always - last time was at Christmas and we'd spent the whole day together with our then 3 month old. Nobody else was sick. Sickness isn't always immediate sickness bug, if you see what I mean.

If it was a wide sweeping, household lockdown bug and they decided on the party anyway then yeah, that's a bit silly. But seems fairly innocent to want their daughter to have a good day. And I speak as someone who would run at the first sight of a queasy child Grin

JustSpeakSense · 30/04/2017 10:06

YABU

You don't show any sympathy for the child who's birthday was ruined, and who missed her own party. Or the parents who went on to try and make it enjoyable for the remaining guests despite having a poorly child.

Bitching about your bank holiday being ruined when your DD isn't even ill.

ittakes2 · 30/04/2017 10:20

I have twins and it's very common that one can get sick and not the other. You can't also assume vomiting is vomiting bug - her sister could have had food poisoning - how could her parents know? No reason to cancel a birthday party just incase. I think it was kind of them to still take the other children - I doubt they fancied spending an afternoon taking other people's children to the cinema.

tinytemper66 · 30/04/2017 10:51

I am a twin and shared a room. My sister had chickenpox whilst a child and I ended up having it at 21. Often one of us was ill and not the other.

sadsquid · 30/04/2017 11:15

Perhaps the parents saw the sibling was sick and as nobody else had been sick around them they chalked it up to a virus?

I agree with everyone that the OP is BU but I'm a bit confused about this. A lot of stomach bugs are viruses. They're still stomach bugs, still contagious. Not sure why 'chalking it up to a virus' would make them think that no one else would catch it?

gluteustothemaximus · 30/04/2017 12:30

I think the only massive over reaction are the responses on this thread.

The OP has just been told by her daughter, that the birthday girl has been throwing up, and that the sibling of the birthday girl was doing the same the day before.

Her initial reaction is to think of her own children, and hope they don't get sick too. Why is that wrong? In her own experience, maybe every time one child is sick, so is the other (but others on here have only experienced one sibling ill without the other.. so I guess that's gospel).

The parents had a difficult call to make. They chose to go ahead, the birthday girl ended up sick (so both siblings were ill in this case), and missing her own party. The OP did say she felt sorry for her. But this post isn't about the birthday girl, it's about the OP and how she's worried they'll all come down with a sick bug.

Yes children get ill. But saying, you can't avoid illness, so just get on with it is crazy. Sometimes it is avoidable.

There was a thread on here before about cancelling a party because the birthday child was ill, and most people said go ahead anyway Confused

metalmum15 · 30/04/2017 12:46

If the birthday child had been ill then yes, it should have been cancelled. But a sibling? No. How unfair would that be, to the birthday girl and her friends. She could have been fine, it was just unfortunate that she wasn't. And it doesn't automatically mean your child will be ill. We can have any number of illnesses in our house, and even though one person is ill, the rest are fine. Unless your dc is now throwing up then don't consider your Bank Holiday 'ruined'.

FrenchLavender · 30/04/2017 12:50

If someone rang me to say their child's party was cancelled on the basis that their other child had been off school ill the previous day Id think she was neurotic and bonkers. It was not be any means a forgone conclusion that the other child would get sick.

It's just one of those things, OP, let it go.

gluteustothemaximus · 30/04/2017 13:08

I agree, didn't have to be cancelled though, could have just said sibling ill, not sure if birthday girl will get ill, hope not, we're going ahead with the party.

At least there would be a choice then.

For those parents (like me) who the thought of another vomiting bug fills me with irrational fear, I'd appreciate the choice.

(That's only because throughout 3 pregnancies I had severe HG 3 times, a DS who has been sick more times than I can remember, and a DD who has a serious anxiety issue over vomiting.)

And we get letters from school all the time, saying 'please keep your children at home if they are vomiting!' because no one listens and sends them in anyway.