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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did something very silly, please advise

362 replies

WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 15:25

Went for a boozy work lunch yesterday (I work in banking, it was with my bosses) but held it together. My boss who is significsntly more senior than me then took us all out for a drink after. Everyone was fairly tipsy but holding it together.

I made the mistake of staying for one more drink with my boss after the others had left. One turned into another and then another, got progressively more drunk. He is married but separated I think and things are bad. I'm single and was being nice to him; guess he took this the wrong way as he then made a comment about how he knew what I was doing but was resisting (?) and kissed my cheek. I put him right and said that although he was attractive i wasn't interested. He also said I looked hot at various points in the evening.

We ended up going to a club at his suggestion (just us) and staying out. I missed plans I had with a friend as was very drunk.

I feel completely awful about it today even though nothing really happened (have a horrible feeling we may have held hands at some point?!), I'm not sure what I was thinking. I really wasn't after him but was just being nice - I can see how it would look that way though. I am scared I have lost his respect.

I was sick in the toilets at one point. I am worried about how to act when I get back to work. I feel like I have compromised my integrity.

OP posts:
lookatyourwatchnow · 29/04/2017 18:36

Jesus OP, calm the fuck down Wink

It's a bit of a non event. You didn't even kiss. You are not the first and last person to flirt with another single person on a work night out, some colleagues do it whilst sober! Front it out like the bit of harmless fun that it was.

But don't venture into that territory again, he sounds an arse.

Now forget it!

PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 18:38

I hate it when people eat meat or smelly stuff at their desks. I used to work with a girl who would go to places like KFC & Nandos, then bring it back into the office, eat it at her desk and then throw the remains in the office bin (rather than going to the food bin in the kitchen!).

Goingtobeawesome · 29/04/2017 18:41

If you say you can't remember anything that could back fire if he's a creep.

WeAllHaveWings · 29/04/2017 18:54

Simply say that you drank too much and behaved inappropriately, that it won't happen again and you hope it can be put behind you.

Disagree as that's accepting all the blame, say you both had too much to drink and it all got a bit too unprofessional/wont happen again and you hope it can be forgotten about.

I was surprised you were 25, you should be able to read the signs earlier and curtail your drinking by now. Lesson for the future.

barefoofdoctor · 29/04/2017 19:09

How much would the pay rise be if you carried things on with him in the cold sober light of day? ;)

DragonMamma · 29/04/2017 19:12

Oh god OP.

I've had this beer fear plenty of times before. I can be a pissed nightmare when I'm drunk and have spent far too much time over sharing with the partners at work.

Once The Fear subsides, you just have to style it out and make some of the throwaway comments above - 'Oh god, I was hammered....felt like death on Saturday's etc etc.

I always swear I won't do it again and not get drunk next time. I always do though.

mammmamia · 29/04/2017 19:15

Yes definitely don't apologise! Lots of good advice on here OP. Just style it out. And believe me you will feel a LOT better tomorrow.

TheBakeryQueen · 29/04/2017 19:19

Seriously! Give yourself a break! Nobody died.

You are 25, he is 40 and he will remember being 25, I doubt very much whether he will give a shit that you were drunk and flirty or whatever. He is probably flattered if he can remember anything, either that or worrying himself that he has behaved unprofessionally.

Like everyone has said, this anxiety is the after effects of booze. You will feel so much better tomorrow. Get some perspective. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2017 19:41

I wouldn't apologise and I wouldn't even say I drank too much and wouldn't do it again, unless I was pushed to say it. If you "do" say that, that puts you in the position of having to explain yourself etc.

I would, however, at work, not drink this much again and have a rule that you stick at X amount of drink on a work night out, if it means you'll be tempted to drink too much.

You can save the mad drinking for your mates.

Obsidian77 · 29/04/2017 19:59

I agree with pps, relax and chill, get in early om Tuesday, don't even mention it and definitely don't pile in with the apologies.
He's 40, he'll have had a few heavy nights out in his time.
Focus on excelling at your work.
Does your firm have a mentorship scheme where you can ask for guidance from someone more experienced? Or a support network for employees with anxiety issues?
Unless there's still more you haven't told us, your beer fear has served as a wake up call for you, now you can dial back a bit.
Even if you are interested in him, stay well away.

UppityHumpty · 29/04/2017 20:07

Ok i'm going to say something against the grain here. Leave. You're a recent grad, you have to build your career, you are expected to leave jobs every few years. Start applying for new roles and then hand your notice in. Not worth the stress.

thisismadness77 · 29/04/2017 20:26

Been there soooo many times. This too shall pass :)

TheStoic · 29/04/2017 20:39

I wonder if he is angsting and pulling his hair out over his behaviour from last night.

I'm guessing not.

He'll be lucky if he remembers a third of it. Don't remind him. Just pull yourself together and get on with your job.

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2017 20:48

Honestly you wouldn't be the first person to get drunk and flirt with the boss. Some woman like the power thing, they wouldn't look twice at the dude if he was the same level as them. I was prone to a bit of that myself after a few when I was younger. Just brass neck it out. He sounds like he was a willing participant and he sounds like a bit of an arsehole leaving uou like that, it takes two people to hold hands and he was telling uou you were hot. Just act normal and laugh it off as a great night, nothing happened, and be breezy. To do that you need to start telling yourself that it was nothing more than a laugh, as if you don't believe it no one will.

GoldfishCrackers · 29/04/2017 20:53

You're in The Horrors. It's actually not a big deal. Don't apologise, don't talk sheepishly about drunken misadventure - you'll make people think you shagged him. When in fact you were simply the last 2 standing.
He's got more reason to be embarrassed (he's married and senior to you, and kissed you, and left without telling you). You'll make it awkward if you start apologising and being embarrassed. You didn't want to go home early. Of course you didn't - you're 25.

SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2017 20:58

Uppity what stupid advice to give the OP!

She didn't dance naked on the table with her boss, she needs a good reference if she is to leave and she should leave when she's good and ready and not when she feels foolish after a night out with alcohol.

Having said that though, as I said before, lesson learned not to drink heavily with work, unless you want a reputation that goes with it with your work colleagues (if you get drunk and get silly).

TheLambShankRedemption · 29/04/2017 21:01

Do nothing. Brazen it out and laugh it off. it's a 'so what?' situation.

You are 25 and single and he is 40 and separated so hardly the crime of the century, and even less so as you didn't sleep with him.

He will have been in this situation numerous times so likely it means absolutely nothing to him and he isn't giving it a second thought.

You're obsessing because it's the first time you've flirted with your boss. You've learned that you don't like it so watch your alcohol intake at work socials if you're behaviour is that affected.

Mountain out of a molehill. Get off MN and get out in the real world, it's Saturday night and you are single FGS Grin

PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 21:11

I do agree that it's not good advice to hand in your notice, but I'm not entirely sure that drinking is the problem. I think it's quite normal for people to use alcohol in social situations where they perhaps don't feel confident enough. Perhaps it a generation thing, though? A lot of people in their 20s live in a culture of binge drinking.

I still think that the OP needs to watch out for the boss. Don't bring it up, and if he does, make notes to protect yourself.

EatsLeavesAndShit · 29/04/2017 21:20

Brazen it out. If anybody asks just say "oh god! I was so ill on Saturday! Never again!"

Honestly I've had the work's night out horrors so many times, brazen is the best thing to do.

Also, you actually haven't done anything wrong. He will probably be more embarrassed, he has a lot more to lose than you.

TheDowagerCuntess · 29/04/2017 21:29

You will feel so much better once Tuesday is over and done with.

Brazen it out but channelling cool and breezy. And just learn from the mistake.

We all make them, and it's all we can ever do.

You will be fine. Flowers

sheldonesque · 29/04/2017 21:32

I would be more concerned about the two members of your team (in that little office of yours) that have suddenly disappeared.

Did they do something worse last night? Smile

Tapandgo · 29/04/2017 21:41

He's the married one and the senior staff member. He is the one who should be worried.
You've made a big gaff professionally - but I assume only he knows (if there was only two of you there) and I imagine he won't want it circulated.
If it's him you are worried about - say nothing unless it comes up. Then bluff it out - that you don't remember a thing other than him buying you enough drink to make you ill, and it's not a thing you wish to repeat ever. Smile, laugh and move on professionally.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 29/04/2017 21:44

Op, I've just read the thread, I hope you have lost 'the fear'.
Some of what you said, made me laugh, as your pain, really came across, don't worry ! Really, on the grand scale of things, this isn't a big deal, unless you choose to make it one. 😄
Firstly, you kept your pants on.
You were not drinking alone, he was probably wrecked, as well.
He was more than likely flattered, if not amused by your attention.
He won't be able to remember it all, just flash backs, like you.
You are single, he isn't !
Just brazen it out, you can do it.
At the end of the day, who gives a flying fig, you'll be okay. 😄

ambereeree · 29/04/2017 21:46

Oh OP everyone has done this at work. You're young it happens. Your boss is probably dreading facing you too.
Your strategy is to go to work like nothing happened. If anybody asks about the night just say oh yes it was a good night out everyome had a good time. Leave it at that. Don't mention how much you had to drink.
You didn't kiss him nothing happened.
These drunk nights happen.

ambereeree · 29/04/2017 21:48

We've all been there OP and most of us have done worse Grin