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Original poster

Did something very silly, please advise

362 replies

WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 15:25

Went for a boozy work lunch yesterday (I work in banking, it was with my bosses) but held it together. My boss who is significsntly more senior than me then took us all out for a drink after. Everyone was fairly tipsy but holding it together.

I made the mistake of staying for one more drink with my boss after the others had left. One turned into another and then another, got progressively more drunk. He is married but separated I think and things are bad. I'm single and was being nice to him; guess he took this the wrong way as he then made a comment about how he knew what I was doing but was resisting (?) and kissed my cheek. I put him right and said that although he was attractive i wasn't interested. He also said I looked hot at various points in the evening.

We ended up going to a club at his suggestion (just us) and staying out. I missed plans I had with a friend as was very drunk.

I feel completely awful about it today even though nothing really happened (have a horrible feeling we may have held hands at some point?!), I'm not sure what I was thinking. I really wasn't after him but was just being nice - I can see how it would look that way though. I am scared I have lost his respect.

I was sick in the toilets at one point. I am worried about how to act when I get back to work. I feel like I have compromised my integrity.

OP posts:
GreyBubbles · 29/04/2017 17:58

Stop this spiral of hangover worry, you're thinking wayyy to much into what the reaction will be , he is a 40 year old adult, he could of said no to clubbing, smoking and more drinks, you did not lead him astray.

Just go into work and laugh it off if brought up, both of you did stupid things, your acting like he has no brain of his own and you lead him down this path and only you are solely to blame when you were both drunk and doing stupid things, no biggie.

GahBuggerit · 29/04/2017 17:58

Ah......ummmm......I can't imagine why he might think you are after him Grin

My posts still stand op. Woman flirts with man, man flirts back. How extremely boring.

Trust us op - nothing will come of this. Maybe next night out drive or stick to soft drinks.

Thingywhatsit · 29/04/2017 18:00

Just laugh it off - don't worry about it so much!

It's not like you ended up drinking champagne at 3am in his swimming pool and was back in work the next morning stinking of chlorine! (Not that I've ever done that!!!!)

NataliaOsipova · 29/04/2017 18:01

OP - calm down. I mean that kindly. I have been in your shoes, I have male friends who have been in his shoes. It is all fine. If anything, it is better than it was, because you will have broken down some barriers and he will see you in a more relaxed/personal light. He may think you fancy him a bit - but this will flatter his ego, so he certainly won't hold it against you.

If it comes up in conversation? Hang your head in mock shame and make some comment about not being able to hold your drink/can't go back anywhere except to apologise. All will be fine.

DeadGood · 29/04/2017 18:01

Oh OP, I know this feeling!

Try not to think about it for the rest of the day. Just hunker down in your bed, eat crap and watch TV. Think about it tomorrow or Monday.

Your strategy should be:

  • get in early
  • act totally NORMAL on Tuesday
  • avoid being alone with your boss, at least for a while, and be completely professional with him from now on, to let him know you don't want to discuss it or build on what happened in any way.
  • moderate your drinking with colleagues. This one is really tough. But work on it, because trust me - the Fear (and regret) only gets worse as you get older...
SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2017 18:01

Number 1. Alcohol is a depressant. A hangover always makes you obsess and depressed and think weird thoughts.

Number 2. Everyone does and says silly things when they're really drunk.

Number 3. You didn't frogmarch him to come out and drink etc with you, he could've said no.

Number 4. Yes at his age (40) with the power and experience he may have that can be quite seductive to you at your age of 25. Unless you want to act on these feelings and start a romance then ignore them. At 18 I was interested in 30 and 40 year olds and dated them... Little realising that in some cases there was a reason they were still single at that age and that I was also a naive and attractive 18 year old.

Chill out have a nice evening with Netflix, TV, Sky, Box Set, take away, carbs, nice bath and have a good night's sleep and it'll all feel better in the morning and even better on Tuesday!

thetreesarebare · 29/04/2017 18:02

Gahbuggerit you took the words out of my mouth.

flumpybear · 29/04/2017 18:04

Seriously, nobody has a drunk filter really, it's fine, just hold your head high and show him you're good st your job -
Boys don't really get bothered by things like that , bet he's shrugged it off already - my husband agrees with me and he's 40 👍🦄

Pibbee · 29/04/2017 18:04

Really OP, as everyone else has already said, you have nothing to worry about as you didnt do anything wrong! If anything, he is the one in the wrong for a) coming out with that random crap about how he was "resisting" you, and b) for buggering off and leaving you alone in the club. Him being wankered may explain his disappearing act but it doesn't excuse it.

I used to get wasted with work ALL THE TIME and end up doing far worse than you. Having to style out some of the stuff I got to was no mean feat but at the end of the day, the key is to act like you don't give a shit even if you are dying on the inside. That means everyone can just breeze it out and forget the whole thing.

Also don't forget that he has probably forgotten a lot of the conversations any way and even if he hasn't, it sounds like at most there were a couple of cringeworthy moments but really nothing to warrant even a fraction of this angst.

Beer fear is the worst!! But you shall survive.

propertypriceguide · 29/04/2017 18:05

Can you meet up with friends/family tomorrow and Monday? Just so that you are not going around and around in circles. I would be just like you in a complete panic, you need your mind taken off it to get out of the loop of doom.

DesertSky · 29/04/2017 18:06

Pretend you can't remember any of the evening. At work casually ask how he was feeling the next day and say "Sorry I really can't remember anything from the evening, I had far too much to drink - I don't normally drink that much!" And leave it at that... He has more to be embarrassed about TBH.

ImogenTubbs · 29/04/2017 18:09

OP, you really need to calm down. You are coming across as quite immature. No, it wasn't the best behaviour on your part but he's a 40yo married partner of the firm drinking and dancing with a new grad - he's the one that should be embarrassed. Nothing happened. You don't need to do anything. Put your brace face on and style it out. And never put yourself in that situation again. Seriously. Or you will do something you really regret.

SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2017 18:12

Agreed with property can you arrange plans for tomorrow or Monday with family and/or friends.

Alternatively... Do you have something you "need" to do, like plan an outfit for a special occasion (shop!), stuff for the house etc? Take yourself off to a nice city/town and browse or shop and then out for lunch/to a coffee bar, browse a book shop (all the above my favourites!) or go to an art gallery/museum/interesting place, wander around in a new area or some where you've been before but want to explore more. Keep yourself busy. Maybe see a film by yourself later. Then if anyone asks about your bank holiday weekend plans 'ta da you've done stuff (either planned) or unplanned' and your Friday night is a distant memory!

NavyandWhite · 29/04/2017 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2017 18:15

Agreed with Imogen too - don't let this happen again.

He's the twat here too leaving you in a club and not surprised his marriage is in trouble or that he's acting this way from the fall out. He shouldn't be putting all the guilt etc on you though.

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 18:17

Why am I coming across as immature? I'm sorry I have bad anxiety and it's just not great at the moment.

OP posts:
GahBuggerit · 29/04/2017 18:18

Maybe we could share what insignificant things have shocked us more today than hearing about this in work would

I'll begin : today I saw a man wearing flip flops with flares yet he had a massive parka on as if he was freezing. The fuck?!

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 18:18

I'm going to have to be alone with him for a while unfortunately as it is only us and another person in the tiny office we work in.

OP posts:
bigchris · 29/04/2017 18:19

Aw op it's fine, I've done stuff a million times like this and it's always fine

PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 18:19

I don't think you're immature, OP. I'm 4 years older than you. I probably would have acted the same way in my early 20s. It's just a hangover and the paranoia that comes with it.

You'll feel fine by Tuesday lunchtime.

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 18:19

Haha thanks buggerit! Smile

OP posts:
Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 29/04/2017 18:21

You were drunk we've all had that post Friday night out/ Monday morning feeling where u can't really remember what happened on Friday or behaved in a way that wasn't the best reflection on your character. This prob won't be the last time. Just go in Tuesday laugh and say u can't remember past day 8 o clock been suffering all weekend. Tru to avoid being alone with boss on next night out he'll try it in again once they show interest they rarely give up. Don't confront him just don't leave yourself in that position again (easier said than done when wine starts flowing)

ADishBestEatenCold · 29/04/2017 18:25

"25 and 40."

Going by your posts on here, I was starting to think you were 18 and in your first job! Smile

I think you should do three things.

The first thing you have to do is pull yourself together.

Then I think you have to quietly and undramatically apologise for your behavior.
Simply say that you drank too much and behaved inappropriately, that it won't happen again and you hope it can be put behind you.
[By the way, I do realise that he behaved badly too, but you can't do anything about his behavior, all you can do is something about yours ].

The third thing I think you should do is something about your drinking. It doesn't sound as if you have a healthy relationship with alcohol.

GahBuggerit · 29/04/2017 18:27

And on Tuesday a colleague ate a boiled egg at their desk. Their desk

GahBuggerit · 29/04/2017 18:34

Hahaha in fact that caused waaaaaay more gossip than then time two very unlikely candidates got caught snogging in the lift.

People were still talking about the egg on Thursday, the lift incident was boring after about 2 hours. But the egg did cause a lot of upset.

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