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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did something very silly, please advise

362 replies

WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 15:25

Went for a boozy work lunch yesterday (I work in banking, it was with my bosses) but held it together. My boss who is significsntly more senior than me then took us all out for a drink after. Everyone was fairly tipsy but holding it together.

I made the mistake of staying for one more drink with my boss after the others had left. One turned into another and then another, got progressively more drunk. He is married but separated I think and things are bad. I'm single and was being nice to him; guess he took this the wrong way as he then made a comment about how he knew what I was doing but was resisting (?) and kissed my cheek. I put him right and said that although he was attractive i wasn't interested. He also said I looked hot at various points in the evening.

We ended up going to a club at his suggestion (just us) and staying out. I missed plans I had with a friend as was very drunk.

I feel completely awful about it today even though nothing really happened (have a horrible feeling we may have held hands at some point?!), I'm not sure what I was thinking. I really wasn't after him but was just being nice - I can see how it would look that way though. I am scared I have lost his respect.

I was sick in the toilets at one point. I am worried about how to act when I get back to work. I feel like I have compromised my integrity.

OP posts:
PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 17:39

You're 25 and he's 40? Absolutely not. Get someone closer to your age. You may look back at this in a year and feel embarrassed. I don't want to make you feel bad, but you need to stop thinking about this 40 year old guy from work in a senior position who has all this baggage.

Honestly, you'll feel so much better by the end of Monday.

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 17:40

I get annoying and hyper when I'm drunk, I kept asking him if he thought I was doing a good job etc. I hope he doesn't remember. I also asked if he thought I was attractive! Wtf. Please please please let him not remember.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 17:41

No no no i really don't want give with him! It's not an option, it's fine, you don't have to talk me down!

OP posts:
Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 17:41

*dont want to be with him

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Wauden · 29/04/2017 17:41

You did say that you suffer from anxiety and I know how tough that is. That is the issue here. Ok, you are anxious, but there is a lot of good advice here.

PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 17:41

I've done loads of embarrassing things on night out with work. I once hit on my manager's gay friend (honestly thought he was straight) and felt so humiliated sitting next to her at work on the Monday. It wasn't mentioned and I quickly forgot about it.

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 17:41

I'm just so humiliated he said I was coming onto him!!!

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Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 17:42

As I said a very very small team of us share a tiny office. I have to be with him 24/7

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flumpybear · 29/04/2017 17:42

Try not to think about it, he was there
Too, if anything he was more 'wring' than you as he's the boss, he knows he's got a
Family etc ... telling superiors (doubtful) would mean he was outing himself too as he should have declined and gone home.

Style it out (love That phrase) on Tuesday as suggested, get in early and if it comes up in conversation with him then have a response styled out .... something like an apology for being a bit drunk and disorderly and perhaps it was a nice evening or such like .... you'll be fine Grin

4390482098courtesy · 29/04/2017 17:43

If you drink too much on occasion to help you with your anxiety, that's something you need to sort. As you've now realised, alcohol increases anxiety and gives you more situations to be anxious about.

thecolonelbumminganugget · 29/04/2017 17:43

You'll both be as embarrassed as each other on Tuesday, it'll be awkward for a couple of days then everything will be normal again. Nobody in your office will say anything. I'm a CA and trained at one of the big 4, shit like this happened all the time on a Friday and by Monday everyone was just back at their desks being arseholes about timesheets and fee recovery again.

This too shall pass. Allow yourself to have a pizza in bed.

PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 17:44

Oh yes! Haha! It's a bank holiday! I forgot about that! I probably would have ended up getting ready for work on Monday morning and my husband wouldn't have said a thing.

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 17:44

I also kept insisting we have more drinks - we had so much, cocktails, beers, shots. God

OP posts:
category12 · 29/04/2017 17:44

OK, stop! Breathe.

Time to go do something constructive as you are going around in circles. You have beer fear, it will pass. You were an embarrassing drunk, it happens.

Now go do something else other than go over and over it, getting worked up about what you remember. See friends, go to the gym, anything, take your mind off it.

GahBuggerit · 29/04/2017 17:46

Well you didn't, but that's ok, sounds like you had a good night, regrets this morning but meh so what?

Live and learn. It's done with, I bet nothing will get mentioned then you'll be royally pissed off at how much time you have wasted worrying about it

I once shagged the son of my MD. And had to have a breakfast meeting with everyone the morning after. Beat that. (I actually got high fived lol)

PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 17:46

As 4390482098courtesy just said, anxiety and alcohol go hand in hand. When I was going out drinking, I was literally going to the bar every 20 minutes. I suffer from anxiety and it's quite normal to keep on insisting on having drinks when you're out.

Spookle · 29/04/2017 17:46

You've said yourself that you were coming on to him OP.

You are just going around in circles now, I do fancy him, I don't, he's not attractive, he is. He was probably as confused as I am.

I think he did the right thing in leaving as soon as he could and now you just need to get a grip of yourself. Brave it out on Tuesday. There have been loads of good repsonses given here.

I personally like 'Damn what a great night we had. I was out on Saturday too and I swear I'm never drinking again' laugh and shrug it off.

Wauden · 29/04/2017 17:47

What category12 said.

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 17:49

Oh shit maybe I was then, I don't know, I really can't remember. How humiliating.

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GahBuggerit · 29/04/2017 17:52

A woman flirting with a man is not humiliating. It's really not

Had you shit yourself or vomited on his shoes then yes, that's a bit humiliating

Stop thinking something awful has happened. 2 people who work together had a few too many sherberts, flirted, the end. Happens across the world every day.

Judydreamsofhorses · 29/04/2017 17:53

Oh, OP, I feel for you. But honestly, style it out - you have the post-booze paranoia and will feel 100 x better tomorrow. You did nothing wrong, and I bet most of the posters on this thread could tell you a tale of making an arse of themselves at a work do. I certainly could.

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 17:54

I was so needy. I asked him about a girl at work who was attractive and whether I was as attractive as her! Oh my god who does that. I can't believe I did that. It's like when I'm drunk I have no filter and can't stop these things

OP posts:
Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 17:54

That's bad isn't it. I was just crazy

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PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 17:56

Haha! Asking someone to compare my looks to another girl in something that I would have done when I was in my early 20s. He's probably forgotten some of the night anyway. I've said loads of stupid stuff in front of people on nights out.

I once saw a guy from school on a night out and told him he was really fit and hot, and that he was mine and loads of other girls school crush. Turned out that he was now gay.

I've had embarrassing things happen every single time I've gone out drinking.

Squeegle · 29/04/2017 17:57

Calm yourself
Get off this thread
Go and do something to take your mind off it. It's not that bad. Trust me. I'm a lot older than you. Everyone does something similar at least once.