'Free birthing' AIBU to think this woman should not be encouraging people to do this

[WilliowGreen]

In this guardian article this woman boasts about her wonderful birth experience by rejecting all care including scans because "it was not empowering".
Before I had my baby (she is 2 weeks old) I would probably have thought her lack of self awareness was funny. Now it quite irrationally fills me with rage.
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/apr/28/experience-i-had-a-free-birth.

No you can't say either way, but you can't assume that being calm and collected is the key to a straightforward birth either.

I'm not saying that's exactly what you're saying, maybe I'm a bit prickly and oversensitive tonight.

But no one is obliged to do anything they don't want to just in case it kisses someone else off.

And a person's medical treatment should not be based on the decisions someone else in completely different circumstances made.

No one lives like that. No one turns down a job because they feel someone else may be more deserving of it.

No one leaves the last chicken in the supermarket lest someone else could cook it better.

And no one chooses their treatment or lack of based on the fact if they are admitted at the same time as someone else a Dr has to chose between them.

I would not be thinking of you any more than you'd be thinking of me and no one owes it to anyone to go against what's best for them because someone else would kill for the options they have

What I said was reducing risks was individual to people.

People prioritise different things as the most important

maisy a person has to consent to any medical intervention because sometimes they do have some adverse consequences. people are "reckless" in all sorts if ways, for example smoking, driving too fast, dangerous sports etc. We generally manage to look after them!

I think my issue with the article is that there is no sense that it was a considered decision at all. At no point does she mention that she analysed the risks involved (whether they were the risks to herself or to her unborn child). It reads, unfortunately, like she wasn't treated like the most special snowflake at her first appointment and made the decision to go it alone after that because why not? Childbirth has happened for millennium (ignoring the facts that women used to and still do die in childbirth).

This might be slightly or entirely unfair on her. Maybe she did sit down, consider all the risks and decide that this was the best decision for her and her baby. But like I said it doesn't read like that. Some balance to the article would be better, I know it's an experience article from the magazine but as pp have said most folks will read it as a stand alone from the internet. Google searching Guardian free birth shows an overall lack of balance, positive experiences mentioned first, risk second. To emphasise this is about free birth not home birth.

At the end of the day she is free to make her choices and I'm glad she had the experience she wanted. But (and this should apply to all birth choices articles) there should be balance and both sides presented.

I've gone back and read again and she does mention some consideration of what could go wrong at the beginning so apologies but still think more balance was needed

.trifle
That's not what I meant. You can of course refuse care even if it means that you or your baby will die, but most people wouldn't do this because the consequences would be too awful. That's probably where the refusing scans comes in, if you don't know what the risks are it's easier to take them.
The 'choice' you have is very limited and the idea that you can have the perfect natural birth if you believe in yourself and your baby is just rubbish.
If it works out that is because you are lucky. That's all.
I am going to let this go now. What other people do has nothing to do with me.

I agree, it reads like she decided on her course of action before finding out whether it was a good course of action for her, and then was too invested to have any scans or tests in case they revealed something that threatened said course of action.

Littlebelina

It reads like that because everything the woman writes is rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens nonsense,. It's delusional and bizarre.

... I hope it's not what she actually believes, or actually does. I hope the article is full of half-truths

notyoda
I don't know if she actually believes it. I imagine she's believes anything that supports what she reads on "natural" forums. Confirmation bias and all that.

Either way. She has no issue trying to sell this lifestyle through her social media.

Thanks Secret - so yes, you did have more experience than your average freebirther to help you and your DH and sounds like he was relieved about that! Glad it all went well for you :)

You can't rely on a hospital either.

Well if things do go wrong then you rather have to. Yes, there are risks with birthing in hospital but the risks of freebirthing without any prenatal care are off the scale. Women used to die, in their thousands in childbirth.

But they will tell you how to reduce risk medically in all the obvious ways.

I disagree, my experience is different to yours. The MWs I had were pro homebirth, which is why as I said before I consider this a mainstream choice. My community MW with my first delivered her in hospital as she was on duty. I think you must have been extraordinarily unlucky tbh.

And I respect her right to do it in so far as we live in a free country. I think that writing about it in this way is wrong and it is incredibly stupid but that's just my opinion.

What other people do has nothing to do with me. I think that's a very wise mindset on MN.

Although derxa it would diminish aibu as a form of entertainment

Yes Increasingly AIBU would fall into disrepair and would have to be shut down by MNHQ.

. Women used to die, in their thousands in childbirth

Women still do. Given We have the NHD and no ones sat at home thinking shit I can't afford to go into hospital clearly something is seriously wrong with our system for as many babies to be dying as they do.

Far to many people in general in this country walk into a hospital and never leave.

Things I have witnessed myself are having a room not cleaned for 4 days.

Hand sanitiser dispensers empty and not being re filled (three hospital admissions same dispensers empty)

Mix ups resulting in no food

Inedible food

Food dumped down and no one making sure patients can reach it or unwrap it or feed themselves.

It may be "safer" but it's not "safe"

but it's not "safe"

Well no, that's what I said at about 5pm yesterday.

But childbirth is enormously safer for both women and children than it was in the past.

Not safe enough though.

We can send people to.outer space and to the nottom.of the ocean.

We can drill into someone's skull while they are awake.

We can reattach limbs and transplant organs.

However perfectly healthy women and babies walk into hospital and either die or end up with serious illness/injury/disability and women would rather chance it themselves than visit a hospital.

Instead of criticising this woman nore needs to be done to solve the problems that lead to this stuff in the first place.

A quick Google search turns up some horrifying news.

In fact I just googled my local hospital and the consultant i was under was involved in a case also.

Everything is someone else's job in hospital. No one finishes anything or sees anything through

It takes several staff members to from start to finish to get a drip put in ffs.

Perhaps if so many people weren't involves in someone care then people could keep track of all the information

That woman is a complete idiot. Giving birth is not about empowerment, wonderful mystery of motherhood, discovery of our connection with nature or whatever crap you build around it. It's not about the woman, it's about making sure that mother is safe and healthy and the child's development is OK and it's healthy and safe.

giles
They're two separate issues

1. The way the NHS is funded need to improve so there are better staffing levels and staff have the time to spend lots more time with everyone, there's enough beds etc (sadly the current government are running it into the ground so they can offer the 'solution' of selling bits off to private firms owned by their mates. Which they can only do if people agree the NHS is rubbish).

1. This women with her 'look at me I'm so unique and natural' brand, bigging up her own ignorance and writing articles that are so self-absorbed it's amazing she has any followers of her social media who aren't as 'unique' and hippy dippy as she is.

Instead of criticising this woman nore needs to be done to solve the problems that lead to this stuff in the first place.

I don't think that the link between the 2 is as strong or as simple as you are suggesting. In one way the relative safety of UK childbirth makes some people think yoga is all that is needed and it minimises the danger. Bit like the antivaxers who have never actually seen polio or measles and think that breastfeeding will protect against all.

I agree that there are improvements that should be made though, which again I've said upthread.

Bizarrely enough I think we are probably 90%+ in agreement.

We are also talking in general though aren't We?

Discussions between people about how they view birth should be and what's acceptable and what's not.

As far as this woman goes well she's bat shit but I support her right to be bat shit. If people are so easily influenced by that kinda stuff then there are bigger issues at play. News is fill of people doing crazy things the pages would literally be blank if nothing was ever written about people who have done something amazing or controversial.

If she wants to do it then it is her right to do so.

She doesn't worry me.

What does worry me from this thread is how low people's expectations are and how much crap they are prepared to out up with just because it was ok in the end.

If this is what women are content with getting we have bigger fish to fry than some yoga mum.