Dads changing nappies

[GastonsWife]

I have a newborn DD. My friend has a 5 month DD. At my baby shower friend told me that her DH doesn't change their babies nappies because she's a girl. Now DD is here and my DH changes just as many nappies as I do and I think I would find it a definite strain to be breast feeding and doing all the nappies. I never thought of dad's changing girls nappies as an issue. Should I have?

I disagree it's not a bonding experience Toadinthehole maybe it didn't seem it to you, but what about to your dc.
Feeling safe and secure while someone attends to their intimate care needs and knowing those needs will be met, plays a huge part in them building healthy attachements.

My boyfriend struggled at first with our dd, he always did changing etc, but to help me, he wasn't really bonded with her.
He's had help dealing with that and now....I hardly get a look in when he's home. I know part of it, is him making up for missed time. But seeing how her face lights up when daddy baths or changes her (and his too). It's honestly the loveliest thing to see!!

I can't say the nappy bit was bonding but the whole change-and-bottle routine was. Turning a hungry wet squealer into a warm dry contended dozer in my arms was an experience I enjoyed and when I get the chance to do it with the next generation I still do.

I feel sorry for the little girl. I hope I'm wrong, but it sounds like she could be in for 18 years plus of "Make sure you're fully clothed when you leave your room, you'll make your Dad uncomfortable"...

Why are people bringing pedophilia into this? I'm a woman, have young DS, only have nephews and I've only ever changed a baby boy's nappy. I find the thought of cleaning a baby girl's privates slightly daunting simply because I've never done it and never even seen it being done in detail. Nothing sexual, nothing lazy about me, if I had a DD I would soon learn but right now can't even imagine how you're supposed to do it without hurting her and making sure every bit is completely clean. Perhaps culd be that he felt the same way and the mum was happy to comply and he just never had to learn.

But that's the point though - you have a boy. This man has a girl.

And I don't know why people are always so quick to shut down even the slightest mention of paedophilia. It is a real thing that affects real people. I understand it makes people uncomfortable but it's not something that will never touch normal families. Someone who married into my family is on the child sex register. And two of our local priests are in prison for child sex abuse.

I would not let "I'm too uncomfortable" fly when it comes to taking care of the comfort of your own child. I'd be interested to know if he baths her. I think that might be the litmus test of whether he's just trying to get out of one of the gross parts of parenthood, or if he really does have issues with his child's genitalia...

@Toadinthehole - whilst changing your dds' nappies wasn't a bonding experience for you, in and of itself, it did mean that you could spend time with them, whether their mum was there or not, and that will have helped you bond with them.

Dh used to take our dses out by himself a lot - he couldn't have done that without being able to tackle nappies, toilets etc - and I am sure that all those good times he had with them have contributed to the great relationship he has with them now. He would have done exactly the same if one or more of them had been girls.

How ridiculous. My four year old asked FIL to take her to the toilet. He refuses. He's a good Granda but I don't want him alone with her as I think he'd rather she had an accident than deal with my batshit MIL who has put it in his head that he can't take her as "she's a girl"! Despite the fact we try and assure him we are fine with it! He's not a pervert!

My four year old asked FIL to take her to the toilet.

Why does your 4 year old need taken to the toilet?

Do you mean a public toilet?

I should have been more clear, sorry. PIL don't have a step or seat and she's small so terrified she'll fall in so needs someone to hold her or she just won't go.

At 4 years old??

I can understand that of a two year old- but at 4??

How does she get on at school? Do the teachers have to take her to the toilet?
Does she have SN?

What the fuck, skerrywind?! My four year old asks someone to take her to the toilet and you think she has SN?! She is absolutely fine at nursery where they have smaller toilets and at home where we have a step and seat for her, we are working on bigger toilets but she struggles to get on them. PM me your address and I'll send you your gold medal for parenting.

He needs to get over it. I'm due a girl soon and i have had a few thoughts about it being messier and a girl being more difficult to clean after poo explosions etc. But i doubt it's any worse then having to clean a boy after a poo explosion. You just have to get used to it. My DH won't be getting out of it either!

I have g/b twins, my DH hasn't changed a nappy in a year because he is lazy, whenever I pull him up on it he says he doesn't know why he doesn't change them🙄

Not at all. I wouldn't think anything of it. I'd think it strange if they didn't. Also I agree with a pp, mums shouldn't change a boy then?
Very strange.

The excuses about a dad/man not wanting to change a little girl's nappy because they don't know how to clean the area properly are complete and utter bullshit. I'd never changed a boy's nappy until I had my own son, yet I just got on with it, as do millions of women every day.

There is absolutely zero excuse for refusing to change your own child's nappy. Either the person is completely lazy or they're mentally ill because they're sexualising their/a baby. Either way, kick them out.