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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dads changing nappies

165 replies

GastonsWife · 28/04/2017 13:56

I have a newborn DD. My friend has a 5 month DD. At my baby shower friend told me that her DH doesn't change their babies nappies because she's a girl. Now DD is here and my DH changes just as many nappies as I do and I think I would find it a definite strain to be breast feeding and doing all the nappies. I never thought of dad's changing girls nappies as an issue. Should I have?

OP posts:
IloveBanff · 28/04/2017 14:37

Exactly alltalknobaby. It would be alarming.

Scotinwestyorkshire · 28/04/2017 14:38

I'm a dad and I change my dd nappies.

FeedTheSharkAndItWillBite · 28/04/2017 14:40

Maybe they do have a personal reason for this.

But generally speaking? THat's weird and actually somewhat concerning!!

PodgeBod · 28/04/2017 14:41

If a man can't separate caring for a child's genitals from being sexual with an adult woman then he is not fit to be around children, really.
My dp had to teach me how to change nappies Grin as he is from a big family and I had only ever babysat boys!

Lindy2 · 28/04/2017 14:43

So he can never look after his daughter on his own because he is "unable" to change her nappy.
Will he also be unable to take her to the toilet/potty when she no longer needs nappies but still might need some assistance?
He's ridiculous as is your friend for putting up with that.

Scoose · 28/04/2017 14:43

My dd is 6 and still in nappies and dh wouldn't think twice about changing her if needed. Admittedly I do most of her personal care as I am the sahp but it's not something we would even think twice about Confused

Renaissance2017 · 28/04/2017 14:45

Maybe a side effect of the 'men are potential sex offenders' narrative?

Emmageddon · 28/04/2017 14:51

I would wonder what underlying issues the man has, causing him to think that providing intimate personal care for his daughter is untoward and wrong.

FeedTheSharkAndItWillBite · 28/04/2017 14:57

Btw...Maybe they are weirdly cautious? Really prejudiced against men?

I am quite close friends with a gay couple that adopted children some years ago.

And they once told me (back then my now ex-gf and I were considering going to a sperm bank...) that they made sure their two sons never saw them naked.
So, no shared showers when they were really little, no peeing with the door open to supervise a child (I wonder what they did? Maybe just hold it in?) etc.

They did it because they were afraid of homophobes automatically suspecting that two gay men adopting sons...

Is her husband bisexual and has maybe heard very damaging stuff?

When I was a teen I wasn't allowed to bring home my gf because my mother thought no children would be alllowed to come to our house to play with DSis because the parents might be afraid that I'd molest them or something...

BeMorePanda · 28/04/2017 15:00

Clearly she doesn't trust her DH.

DeadGood · 28/04/2017 15:01

"Are these men who don't want to do the nappies never going to be in sole charge of the child?"

Yes, probably. Lazy pricks.

OP, YADNBU. "oh, DH doesn't change our baby's nappies because she's a girl" - oh, well that's ok then! GRRRRRR

deydododatdodontdeydo · 28/04/2017 15:02

At my baby shower friend told me that her DH doesn't change their babies nappies because she's a girl.

Everyone's assumed it's him that won't change them. It doesn't say he won't change them because she's a girl.
Perhaps mum won't let him.

PolynesianGirl · 28/04/2017 15:04

That's what happens when you spend your time saying that any man can be paedophile, that girls should never be left with a man in his own etc,..
It then gets put to the extreme as 'no man, even a dad, should have anything to do with a woman/girl/their own baby girl genitals'.

So yes that's pretty normal for a dad to be changing nappies.

yourcarisnotadiscovery · 28/04/2017 15:05

either desperately sad or desperately lazy ... weird excuse tho and a very odd thing to say

SparklyUnicornPoo · 28/04/2017 15:06

DH asked me to help him change DD's nappy the first time, because he'd never changed a nappy before (he seemed to think it was going to be a lot more complicated than it is) but after that actually changed more nappies than I did because after my maternity leave was up he was the SAHP.

BuckinghamLass · 28/04/2017 15:12

Totally insane.

What happens when the little girl gets older and is in sole care of the father, and has an accident, or hurts herself or something. Will he just let her stay in shitty pants/not investigate any pain?

CherryMintVanilla · 28/04/2017 15:16

I find that creepy as hell. What does he think will happen if he is confronted by his infant's genitals?

And the "well maybe he doesn't know what to do" stuff is bullshit. I'd never changed a nappy when my DS was born. I'd never had any dealings with baby boy genitals. I learnt - and very quickly!

RedStripeIassie · 28/04/2017 15:16

There's got to be some issues going on with one or both of the parents. That's just not a normal way of thinking Confused.

IloveBanff · 28/04/2017 15:18

deydododatdodontdeydo "Everyone's assumed it's him that won't change them. It doesn't say he won't change them because she's a girl.
Perhaps mum won't let him."

You're right! That could be it. More information need then.

PeaFaceMcgee · 28/04/2017 15:18

He's either lazy, inept or has paedophilic thoughts.

IloveBanff · 28/04/2017 15:18

needed I meant.^

PeaFaceMcgee · 28/04/2017 15:18

Or she doesn't trust him because of the above

deydododatdodontdeydo · 28/04/2017 15:22

You're right! That could be it. More information need then.

To be fair, a couple of people has said she's insane or weird, and BeMorePanda says she doesn't trust her DH.
But I'm unclear who's decision it is.

Original poster
GastonsWife · 28/04/2017 15:26

Interesting to read the comments. She said "DH doesn't change DD's nappies. He doesn't feel comfortable."

OP posts:
knackeredinyorkshire · 28/04/2017 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.