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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm crying because of a lost toy - AIBU?

163 replies

Sycam0re · 28/04/2017 13:00

My dd lost her beloved Platypus (Jellycat make) at Disneyland after Easter. She has been extremely upset because she is so attached to him. It has been heartbreaking to see her sadness & I have been crying too - AIBU?

I don't think IABU because it has been so upsetting watching her distress. She even held a 'Goodbye Platypus Ceremony' in her bedroom, getting dressed up in her best clothes, writing an eulogy & singing a sad song before collapsing in tears. I also feel completely responsible as it was me who failed to stop her taking Platypus out to a restaurant to meet the princesses...I tried but gave in to her protest due to being in a hurry, thinking that I could monitor her platypus closely & then getting totally distracted by the princesses.

I have been desperately hunting for a replacement platypus but Jellycat stopped making him in 2009 & I have had no luck on eBay etc. It seems nigh on impossible to locate her platypus (Disneyland has not found it) or to find another one.

It's as if she has been bereaved...

OP posts:
RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 28/04/2017 22:03

I feel your pain

Ds1 used to take all the bleeding teletubbies with him wherever he went

It took me months to whittle them down to one, he couldnt go to bed with out them as well

Hope you find a replacement

Applebite · 28/04/2017 22:09

When I was about 7, we moved 200 miles away, and had to live in a hotel for a bit. At the time I thought this was awesome, but in hindsight I was going through an insecure patch.

One day I left my beloved care bear in a shop. I have never ever cried like that, before or since! Not over a bloke; not over fucking up my oxford interview and not getting in; not even over traumatic things like bereavements (where to be fair I found it impossible to cry!) - I sobbed for so long and so hard that DF had to take the next morning off work and take me to buy a new one.

Which I loved, and still have somewhere, but only 99.9% as much; it was never quite the same.

So I feel v sorry for your DD and hopefully if you keep watching eBay and maybe put it on your amazon wish list, you will get something similar - OR just let her choose another who can be almost the same!

GinSwigmore · 28/04/2017 22:23

@NewPantsforaNewYear

Nope, not the only one. I am burning with curiosity...did she diss Minnie do you think?! Reveal that the princesses go commando? Break one of the staff golden rules?
emgn.com/entertainment/the-15-secret-rules-that-disney-employees-arent-allowed-to-tell-you/
Your user name is good: reminds me of the Annie Lawson cartoon Every Day Will Be A White Knickers Day Wink
www.gatheredimages.com/DIRECT/DIRECTPICS/POSTCARDPAGES/knickers.html

HelloDoris · 28/04/2017 22:31

At 21 months DD2 lost her purple bear, the purple bear my parents had bought her from Norway. The purple bear she'd had and snuggled with since birth. It must have dropped from her pushchair on a visit to a local beach, we hunted high and low,and never found him. She used to mooch around the house looking for him and calling out for him. We hunted high and low for a replacement, sadly was not available to buy in the UK. Managed to find one online in a German department store, spent €60 on getting him back. He arrived and was the wrong colour, but she loved him.at the same time my folks had contacted the manufacturer and asked for details on UK stockists and they sent a replacement free of charge. She was ecstatic the day he arrived. So now we have pink purple bear and purple purple bear. They NEVER leave the house.

Original poster
Sycam0re · 28/04/2017 22:44

Wow - I wasn't expecting such a huge response. Thank you to everyone for replying, those who think IANBU & those who think IABU. It's all valuable feedback & some of the posts are amusingly provocative.

Thank you also for all your good ideas including putting out a Facebook message, searching for a replacement or getting one made. My dd is 7 so she may not be comforted by a replacement but I am tempted to give her a platypus cousin.

Just to explain...I have contacted Disneyland several times. The lost property office wasn't very helpful & hasn't yet replied to my last email offering a reward.

ninnando - if you know some princesses at the Paris Disneyland, I would be very grateful if there's any way that they could speak to the Auberge de Cendrillon to see if they found anything as I can't contact the restaurant directly. Thank you for offering this.

Also, we have been through 'real' bereavement (dd once & me many times) so we do understand it. Surely grief is the reaction to bereavement & the two go hand in hand? Does bereavement have to involve a human being? Surely it's to do with loss of something that you are attached to? Surely a child aged 7 is likely to still be attached to a cuddly toy & may well enact a funeral of their own accord, having attended a funeral not long ago?

I think my conclusion from all your wonderful posts is that IANBU. I find myself agreeing with multivac (& others) & strongly disagreeing with FreeNiki.

I hope that I've managed to attach a photo below.

I'm crying because of a lost toy - AIBU?
OP posts:
almondfinger · 28/04/2017 23:02

We have had to have Bunny FedEx'd to Ireland when we went for a visit and forgot to pack him. He fell out of the buggy another day and a kind soul sat him up on the park bench. Both dd and I cried, she was 3. That was the last time he was allowed out on a day trip. We forgot to bring him on holiday another year and didn't discover till at Eurotunnel. Had to buy Bouncer just for hugs and so he could tell Bunny all about the holiday. DH with us so no one to FedEx him to France.
Puppy, DD2s teddy (we are big on original names for bears) has been snuck to school a couple of times lately, she is 7.5. Generally she asks me to drop him to preschool and I set him up in some strange position in her room for when she gets back from school.

Thank God these days Bunny mainly stays in bed, but always tucked in and made comfortable.

I hope your dc's bear is found and returned. It's a horrible feeling.

Original poster
Sycam0re · 28/04/2017 23:30

HelloDoris & Almondfinger - so glad that your stories ended happily. I am so cross with myself as this is the first time that I haven't stopped dd from taking Platypus out. I can only put it down to feeling bamboozled in a busy place, not having had enough sleep, having had a very early start/frenetic day & being in a rush to get to a lunch booking. I just didn't have clarity of thought or time at that moment & my dd was being very strong willed.

Does anyone know how to start an appeal on mumsnet?

OP posts:
SpreadYourHappiness · 28/04/2017 23:39

Does anyone know how to start an appeal on mumsnet?

You've had over 100 replies. If this isn't an appeal, I don't know what is. You could always post again in chat, I suppose.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/04/2017 23:41

You could start a new thread - call it something like 'Appeal to find a replacement for a lost toy'.

Original poster
Sycam0re · 29/04/2017 00:14

Thank you SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius - I might do that. I'm just not sure which section of Mumsnet to put it in...

OP posts:
GinSwigmore · 29/04/2017 00:18

Don't know love. I read your one in Chat but, like yourself, found nothing on the net including Jellycat Germany just in case I got lucky.
AIBU has the most traffic...and mnetters always pride themselves on finding replacements or offering up old toys really quickly. So if anyone had a platypus going spare they'd usually have posted by now. Sad
All we can do is keep bumping for you.

SpreadYourHappiness · 29/04/2017 00:29

She's had a bloody funeral for the toy, bringing it back now would only be confusing. She's had closure, now move on. Don't keep dragging it along.

GinSwigmore · 29/04/2017 00:33

Now if we all took that approach spread where would Christians be?! Wink
Get back in your cave, Jesus!
But-
Nope, you're just confusing everybody now
You didn't say that about bloody Lazarus

SpreadYourHappiness · 29/04/2017 00:42

GinSwigmore Ha ha, love it GrinGrinGrin

Original poster
Sycam0re · 29/04/2017 21:48

Thank you GinSwigmore & for your great sense of humour!

OP posts:
Applebite · 29/04/2017 22:15

Gin, you owe me a laptop, because I don't think this one will work now I've spat so much Diet Coke over it at your post

Donthate · 01/05/2017 11:35

Hope he turns up or you find a replacement!

EastMidsMummy · 01/05/2017 11:45

It's really sad for your daughter. You don't like seeing your daughter be so sad. YANBU to be upset or to cry.

But.. it is just a thing. Things, even sentimental things, can get lost and destroyed. I think it's nuts to be suggesting, as some people have, that the lost toy starts sending messages. Way to torment a child even further and invest more emotional energy in the thing that's gone.

It's sad but move on. Get another thing. Don't stress about it being the same model of toy.

Original poster
Sycam0re · 01/05/2017 13:43

Thanks EastMidsMummy. Yes, we are moving on. I don't think my daughter (being 7) would buy into messages from afar - she knows her beloved toy has been lost/taken by someone else. But it might work a for younger child, maybe.

OP posts:
EastMidsMummy · 01/05/2017 13:50

It might 'work' i.e. fool a younger child. But it's deceitful and intellectually and emotionally dishonest - not a great way to treat your kids.

ApricotCrush · 01/05/2017 15:40

You mean like Father Christmas. Wink

Checking every day to see if you've had any luck OP.

Original poster
Sycam0re · 01/05/2017 18:08

Agreed - my children don't believe in Father Christmas but that's opening another huge debate...

OP posts:
springflowers11 · 01/05/2017 21:50

I can understand your daughter being upset, I understand you making a call to the lost property office, but you have made this worse for your daughter by buyinginto this wholer grief thing.She is 7, she has left early childhood behind.She is old enough to know it is just fabric and stuffing and for you to explain to her that it is the memories it represents that she is attached to an they haven't gone anywhere.You are making it worse for her by offering rewards FGS- you are sending the message that it is a terrible loss.If you had said OK toy has gone, but you are a big girl now lets get you (insert item suitable for 7-11 yr old that she really wants

SuperFlyHigh · 01/05/2017 21:53

This is ridiculous sorry!

I let go of a beloved tug boat (apparently it did go everywhere) at Cambersands years ago aged 6 (was sobbing for ages) but I got over it. I fear you're pandering to her.

Princessgenie · 01/05/2017 22:14

Contact jellycat - they located something for us that was a limited edition and no longer available anywhere.

I too would be devastated in my dd (5) lost her favourite toy. And she would be distraught (but we have a number of them that we rotate in and out and are all equally worn so that we always have a replacement).

I feel your pain, and your DD's.