I'm crying because of a lost toy - AIBU?

[Sycam0re]

My dd lost her beloved Platypus (Jellycat make) at Disneyland after Easter. She has been extremely upset because she is so attached to him. It has been heartbreaking to see her sadness & I have been crying too - AIBU?

I don't think IABU because it has been so upsetting watching her distress. She even held a 'Goodbye Platypus Ceremony' in her bedroom, getting dressed up in her best clothes, writing an eulogy & singing a sad song before collapsing in tears. I also feel completely responsible as it was me who failed to stop her taking Platypus out to a restaurant to meet the princesses...I tried but gave in to her protest due to being in a hurry, thinking that I could monitor her platypus closely & then getting totally distracted by the princesses.

I have been desperately hunting for a replacement platypus but Jellycat stopped making him in 2009 & I have had no luck on eBay etc. It seems nigh on impossible to locate her platypus (Disneyland has not found it) or to find another one.

It's as if she has been bereaved...

100% get this, no kids yet but I have a Jellycat cow which got pretty shredded by my dog recently and although I fixed it as best I could they stopped making it so I can't get a replacement.
I'm too scared to wash it in case it falls apart, and I properly used this toy, it was an excellent pillow and now it just looks sad on my shelf stinking of dog drool....I got it when I was about 8 and I love it so much even as a grown woman!

There have been some sales of retired ones online so maybe one will turn up soon.

How about trying a sightly different one and saying platypus has sent his cousin for a holiday until he comes home? Like one of these:
ebay.eu/2qer6Zr
ebay.eu/2qeeRJF
ebay.eu/2pp0zFU

Vi would put out am appeal on Facebook. Someone might have one tucked away somewhere.

I think YABU; it's only a toy. She needs to learn we lose things in life; that's just the way it is, unfortunately. It's probably good for her to learn how to cope with it happening.

At the risk of sounding cold hearted, now she's had her funeral for it, might it be best to not try and buy a replacement. She's clearly trying very hard to deal with it, which is to be commended.

Perhaps a new unrelated soft toy could be bought but maybe not a direct platypus replacement.

SpreadYourHappiness I think you need a more apt username! She's a little girl for god's sake, of course she is going to be upset. Small children do not need to learn how to cope with shitty things. There's plenty of time for that when they grow up!

WomblingThree I never said she wasn't going to be upset. It's not unreasonable for the little girl to be upset, just the mum (which is what the AIBU is about).

It's never too early to learn. The earlier the better, I'd say.

Sure, spread. And a wedding ring is 'only a piece of jewellery'. A photo of your dead parent is 'only a picture'. A blanket knitted for you by your best friend is 'only wool'.

Yes, we lose things. Sometimes those things are profoundly important to us, even if we can't necessarily articulate why. The OP and her daughter will get over this, of course - and in the overall scheme of things it's a pretty minor hurdle - but it's painful, nonetheless. My younger son lost his comfort toy when he was about nine; he was on the verge of giving it up, but not quite there yet. Having the opportunity to decide for himself to move on taken away so suddenly was really tough for him, and upsetting, as a parent, to support him through.

I do agree with PPs, though, that a replacement will likely not do the trick. We had identical copies of our sons' comfort toys ready 'just in case', but after some years it was as much about the way they had worn as anything else.

Sycam0re this is so sad, I do hope you are able to find Platypus or a replacement for him.

My DD had a precious toy when she was little and I was always terrified of losing him. She is now a mother herself and when we realised that her DS had attached himself to a toy we bought another one just in case. She has one to wash and one to use! He's now 6 and a while ago discovered by accident that there are two of them. He only has one at a time and loves them both equally.

multivac When I said 'it's only a toy', I was referring to the OP crying over it. To the child, it clearly isn't 'only a toy'.

Yes, and the parent knows that. She's not crying for the toy, but for the child. D'you see?

It's called "empathy". Useful parenting skill.

I see. I still think it's taking empathy a bit too far, though. I understand being upset, but not repeatedly crying over it.

It's called "empathy". Useful parenting skill.

It is helpful throughout life, not just parenting .

YANBU.

I would be the same.

Plus you are speaking to the person who has openly cried at seeing toys dropped in the street and all mucky and abandoned. I wasn't even pregnant so can't even blame hormones.

@spread don't you think crying over the toy is actually empathy? My DM cried when my cat went missing last summer. She's cried because my DS loves that cat and was devastated for him. She's allergic to the cat!

I'd be gutted if my 3 year old lost his Jellycat bunny. We are all really attached to it and it's been loved so much it's now the texture of an old towel!

I don't think you're overreacting, I would say out of everything in our house that bunny is one of the most valuable possessions in terms of emotional importance. Apart from the deed to our house and a couple of items of sentimental jewellery nearly everything else in our house would be easily replaceable in the event of a fire, if I could choose just one thing to save I think bunny would definitely make the shortlist!

I would be looking to replace it though although it wouldn't be the exact same one at least it would be some commiseration.

fluffandsnuff I think it's taking empathy too far, as I've already said. In regards to the cat, a cat is a living thing and therefore in a different category entirely.

How old is DD?

If she is old enough to get dressed in her best clothes and write a eulogy then maybe she is old enough to deal with a lost toy?

Sorry OP (and your reaction is way OTT!)

There is a group on Facebook called "Disneyland Paris for Brits" that I used to be in before they kicked me outand they're very good about trying to find lost property and such. Might be worth a try there

Loving the idea of "taking empathy too far", especially with regard to one's children.

I have a Jellycat Llama if thats any kind of replacement ?

YABU. It is a thing, however beloved. I agree if she is old enough to come up with the idea for a ceremony complete with eulogy and singing she can deal with it.

Your reaction is really OTT, how on earth do you whip yourself into such a state over a thing? Keep the sympathy for a real bereavement, she will need you at some point because somebody close to her and you will die.

I totally understand your distress.

My ds had the tiniest squashy alien when he was about 3. He used to hold it in his hand. It was a disaster waiting to happen! We eventually lost it somewhere in our garden.

We did all the usual stuff about comforting, saying squashy was on an adventure etc. Dh kept saying he'll forget about it. He didn't forget but he did recover.

Last Christmas when he was 9, I found a toy set that had a 'squashy' just like his in in a charity shop. When he opened it and realised squashy was in there he broke down in tears. So did I. Seems ridiculous but It was both joyful and heartbreaking and the same time.

YANBU - I'm a bit choked up myself at this thread! I really hope you manage to find Platypus and if not I hope your DD is able to move on and find a new wee friend.