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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm crying because of a lost toy - AIBU?

163 replies

Sycam0re · 28/04/2017 13:00

My dd lost her beloved Platypus (Jellycat make) at Disneyland after Easter. She has been extremely upset because she is so attached to him. It has been heartbreaking to see her sadness & I have been crying too - AIBU?

I don't think IABU because it has been so upsetting watching her distress. She even held a 'Goodbye Platypus Ceremony' in her bedroom, getting dressed up in her best clothes, writing an eulogy & singing a sad song before collapsing in tears. I also feel completely responsible as it was me who failed to stop her taking Platypus out to a restaurant to meet the princesses...I tried but gave in to her protest due to being in a hurry, thinking that I could monitor her platypus closely & then getting totally distracted by the princesses.

I have been desperately hunting for a replacement platypus but Jellycat stopped making him in 2009 & I have had no luck on eBay etc. It seems nigh on impossible to locate her platypus (Disneyland has not found it) or to find another one.

It's as if she has been bereaved...

OP posts:
PetraStrorm · 28/04/2017 14:58

I can sympathise. DS lost his cuddly monkey (at a monkey sanctuary!) when he was 9. He was at the stage where it just sat on his bed but I think he was still pretty attached to it in a low-key way.

The only reason it was out of his room that day was because his baby sister had wanted to take it out with them, DS didn't mind, and their dad thought it'd be good as it was a monkey sanctuary they were visiting. It's the only time I've had such a definite 'No! Baaaaad idea!!' feeling about something but I dismissed it as it was illogical.

DS was very stoical about the loss (the sanctuary people looked for it but it was gone - probably taken off by one of the monkeys Smile), but I had a little weep in the privacy of the bathroom that evening as it was another part of his early childhood gone, and he was growing up so fast.

multivac · 28/04/2017 15:03

Keep the sympathy for a real bereavement

Why? Do you think it will run out at some point?

TheTabardOfDoom · 28/04/2017 15:03

What I would do in your shoes is go to a craft shop or the like that sells fabric and ask the proprietor if they themselves or if they know anyone with the skills to make another. I have a friend that did this and it worked like a charm. In her case it seemed like teddy had a slightly darker coat but it was down to the suntan because teddy had been on holiday and that accounted for why he didn't quite smell the same and why he looked so relaxed in the face. Wink

Xmasbaby11 · 28/04/2017 15:05

Hmm yabu I think. I'd encourage dd to move on, without being unsympathetic, and not seek a replacement. My dc are 3 and 5 and never been very attached to one toy - so maybe I'm being harsh. They have both lost toys they liked at the time but forgot quickly. Maybe find a pic of your dd with the toy and frame it?

paxillin · 28/04/2017 15:07

Why? Do you think it will run out at some point? No, but being on such a hyperbole about a thing means the real thing might tip them over the edge. How do you deal with real loss if a toy has you in such hysterics? Life will be stressful if a lost thing is so unbearable.

Neolara · 28/04/2017 15:10

My dd lost her very special piece of material. It was as if she was bereaved. For months afterwards, she'd sloped off alone mid activity, find a corner, have a little cry and tell me that the day she lost "X" was the worst day of her life. It was very upsetting for all of us. She is normally a very unemotional child.

Stormtreader · 28/04/2017 15:10

I think it would be the opposite surely - if youve never had to go through any bereavement of any kind until a Huge Serious one like a parent, surely you have none of the skills ready to help you cope?

oklumberjack · 28/04/2017 15:12

There are companies where they will custom make a soft toy OP. Do you have photos?

paxillin · 28/04/2017 15:14

Not at all, we have recently lost granny and I am glad we didn't wail over Fluffy the stuffed toy before. I would hate for the kids to think she was as important as a thing I bought and they lost.

multivac · 28/04/2017 15:17

My kids' comfort toys meant considerably more to them than many of their relatives, frankly. It's not about the thing, it's about the connection. Respecting that, and empathising with the "real" loss involved, is part of helping them learn to process grief, imo.

multivac · 28/04/2017 15:19

Sorry, my kid's comfort toy. His twin brother was considerably less attached to his, and could have lost it with impunity.

What with children all being different and all.

ApricotCrush · 28/04/2017 15:19

How do you deal with real loss if a toy has you in such hysterics?

I do not underestimate the grief caused by the loss of a relative, but you see, this is a real loss. To parents and children who have a precious toy like this, they are one of the family. Maybe those who do not understand have not had a child who is so very attached to a toy. Not all children are.

oklumberjack · 28/04/2017 15:22

My ds was terrified of losing toys when younger Paxillin. As I described earlier he was distraught over losing a beloved toy. We've also lost a hamster!

Last month we lost my beloved Dad. Ds (whose now 9) responded in a solid, loving and grown-up manner. Acting very maturely throughout his funeral and wake. I feel the opposite to you - I feel the smaller losses don't mean that they are equal to the loss of a beloved family member, it means that the young mind slowly prepares and copes with such ideas.

motherofdaemons · 28/04/2017 15:29

I remember losing my transference toy. It was my first experience of grief and made me cry to think of it for years. People who think a transference toy is 'just a toy' should do some reading about them and their significance. YADNBU OP. I hope your little girl feels better soon. If you do find a replacement, try getting it mailed 'from Disneyland'. When my daughter lost her special comforter I ordered a new one, spent a whole weekend 'distressing' it and then left it in the exact place (leisure centre) for her to find. She never questioned that it wasn't the same one, although she was about 2 at the time. She's now 8 and I still haven't confessed!

FreeNiki · 28/04/2017 15:36

I cried later & alone because it was so stressful seeing how upset she was, searching in the chaos of Disneyland & watching her arrange a funeral.

It astonishes me how many parents allow their children to be so careless with an irreplaceable toy.

Taking around the chaos of disneyland was asking for trouble.

No it has to stay in the hotel incase it gets lost etc. Nope.....drag it around everywhere.

purplecollar · 28/04/2017 15:36

I can sympathise. Dd lost her absolute favourite teddy on a beach. We went back and searched but couldn't find him. Driving home she just sobbed and sobbed. She was devastated.

A few days later, having emailed a few local businesses, one of them found him. I was crying at that point. We had to drive all the way back, 3 and half hours, to get him.

He's still her favourite 8 years later. It wouldn't be the same without him. He no longer goes to the beach though.

My dad died around this time. She was less affected by that really - because she didn't understand what it meant. She didn't realise he was never coming back. With her toy it was more obvious to her. He should be there all the time but he's wasn't. Grandpa comes and goes.

FreeNiki · 28/04/2017 15:37

I still have mine as I wasn't allowed to take it out.

spiderlight · 28/04/2017 15:39

Tatty Ratty This is a wonderful book about the adventures of a lost toy. Might help (although it ends with a new one being bought so read it yourself first to see if it's appropriate).

I do sympathise. My friend's DS lost a dearly beloved toy at the beach last summer and was absolutely heartbroken....buried it in the sand and then couldn't find it again. The entire family spent hours digging up half the beach with no joy. But weeks and weeks later they went back to the same beach and saw a scrap of red poking out of the sand and there it was!

Serialweightwatcher · 28/04/2017 15:40

Well I think it's very sad for her and for you to see her so upset - I totally understand ... very surprised it wasn't handed in because usually people with children understand how important toys are and I personally wouldn't have let my children keep a toy they found anywhere. I found this - know it won't be the same but if it never turns up, maybe a consideration: en.smallable.com/platypus-cuddly-toy-30cm-brown-national-geographic-75848.html

Waddlelikeapenguin · 28/04/2017 15:46

Sniff
I can still remember the terror of losing my teddy. My kids are only allowed to take their specials out of the house to take on holiday (which they find hugely exciting!) because the loss of any of them would be horrific.

I hope she finds comfort soonFlowers

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 28/04/2017 15:52

OP when my son lost his toy dog I cried too, he was devastated and he loved that toy, it was the first time he ever experienced loss and sadness, that's sad!

I got TWO replacements from Ebay

are you 100% sure there is not one online, as I found some (but mighn
t not be the same)

User2468 · 28/04/2017 15:55

DS's favourite toy was one of mine, a familiar character but probably 20 year old stuffed toy. He rarely leaves the house!

BalloonSlayer · 28/04/2017 15:56

Well I nearly cried reading your OP! Sad

Poor DD.

Hopefully someone on here has got one.

(My youngest has a Perry the Platypus as his favourite toy. Don't suppose your platpus could send his clever cousin to stay instead?

BalloonSlayer · 28/04/2017 15:57

Although just noticed FORTY TWO QUID!!!!! Bloody hell. He was a tenner when I bought ours, erm I mean when Santa brought him of course.

ohtheholidays · 28/04/2017 15:58

OP there's lots of Platypus cuddly toys on Amazon for sale I don't know if any of them are the Jellycat make.

www.amazon.co.uk/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=soft+toy+platypus&tag=mumsnetforum-21

I hope you manage to get one.

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