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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask MIL not to bring children a present at every visit?

162 replies

ComeOVeneer · 12/03/2007 14:44

Visits 2-3 times a month. Present every time to the value of approx £10. DH says it is her right as a grandparent. I am worried LO's are being spoilt and expect gifts. My parents visit the same amount and only bring gifts on special occasions. (Last time my parent's came dd asked me (luckily they didn't hear) why they hadn't brought her anything). I don't wish to encourage greed in my children but dh doesn't want anything said for fear of his mum getting upset.

OP posts:

hunkerismunkerless · 12/03/2007 21:38

Yeah, go for it

Original poster

ComeOVeneer · 12/03/2007 21:40

So is the general consensus that as grandparents it is their right to give my children excessively expensive and unecessary gifts all the time,and I must zip it to keep the peace despite the fac I don't think children should be over induldge in this manner. When did gps get more "rights" than parents when it comes to a childs upbringing ?

OP posts:

hunkerismunkerless · 12/03/2007 21:45

Can you buy each child a piggy bank (really cute one) and say that DD's asked for a couple of v expensive things lately and you want her to learn about saving up for things and ask that they give her a couple of coins each time they come instead of a gift? Then they'll have to do the same for DS.

mrsgenehunt · 12/03/2007 21:59

bit like what i said about bank accoutns for dc Sulky look

hunkerismunkerless · 12/03/2007 22:37

MGH, yes, a bit like that

Enid · 13/03/2007 09:34

ComeOveneer you have had lots of good advice here (between bouts of silliness ).

If you cannot mention it to them in a jokey, lighthearted, yet mature way and your dh refuses to either, I don't see what else you can do except put up with it.

malaleche · 13/03/2007 09:45

I think too many toys does a kid's head in. We went to the 2nd birthday party of a boy who had a large play-room that had so many toys in it already he could have opened a toyshop, i joke not. Many of them had not even been taken out the box. The parents had put a very large box in the hall for the guests to leave the birthday presents in. I just heard, a year and a half later that they have a party for him every month on his 'birthday'. The parents work full time and hardly see him, he spends all day with a grandmother who totally indulges him. They honestly couldn't understand why he had behavioral problems...

sunnysideup · 13/03/2007 10:32

ComeO, they don't have more rights....it's your right as the parent to tell them to stop!

I understand you feel that would cause problems; but that's your choice....you DO have the right and ability to stop it, but obviously not without causing some offence. It's not that you don't have the right though - just that you want it done without any hassle (not criticising, I would be the same; just making the distinction. You can deal with it, but you may need to accept consequences).

Show your dh this thread, then he may realise how important it is to you, and DEAL with it! Good luck.

AngharadGoldenhand · 13/03/2007 10:36

COV - as I said, this behaviour by grandparents would really upset me.

I think you'll have to speak to them. As long as you're polite, what right have they to take offence? All you're asking for is a bit of thought on their behalf.

Bottom line in this family is - my kids, my rules.

Eleusis · 13/03/2007 11:36

Sorry, COV, but in all honesty I don't think their gifts are all that extravagant. £10 for a toy isn't a very big toy. BUT... I take your point that it irritates you and they are your kids. What if you asked them to keep it to one material gift per month, certainly not on EVERY visit. And on other visits they can take the kids out somewhere fun (like the farm or soft play or wherever). Or what about a week long holiday with the grandparents. Boy wouldn't that be fun (for you I mean ).

I just think you need to be careful, given the sticky history.

charleysangel · 05/07/2007 11:47

I have just read this thread and I agree with comeoveneer, I think kids in general are being too spoilt, they see something, they want it, they have it. I really think that you are not being unreasonable to ask PILs to refrain from buying so much, if you dont want your kids growing up expecting to have everything they desire - how about suggesting, a limit to a book, or having the money put into an account or, maybe sponsoring an animal or child on behalf of one of your children?? Kids like tat, but from my experience they have more warm and fuzzy memories of things like playing in the mud/dens/park or one or two special toys. Dont fall into the trap of letting your kids believe they need all this rubbish to fill their lives

muppetgirl · 05/07/2007 12:00

Right, I admit to not having read this thread as it's very long so apologies if I'm repeating anyone.

Apparently my gm did this with us when were children (3 of us) but with sweets. What mum and dad did was to say that could they buy sweet biscuits -penguins, wagon wheels etc so they could decide when we had them ie after meals.
They went straight into the cupboard, gm thought she was treating us, mumu/dad happy.

This seemed to work in our family.

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