To ask MIL not to bring children a present at every visit?

[ComeOVeneer]

Visits 2-3 times a month. Present every time to the value of approx £10. DH says it is her right as a grandparent. I am worried LO's are being spoilt and expect gifts. My parents visit the same amount and only bring gifts on special occasions. (Last time my parent's came dd asked me (luckily they didn't hear) why they hadn't brought her anything). I don't wish to encourage greed in my children but dh doesn't want anything said for fear of his mum getting upset.

You can always chuck it out once they go to bed.

i know just how you feel. we just got back from marrakech, and bought dd1 a pair of handmade leather sequinned slippers- really pretty and traditional in style.

3 days later, mil bought her a pair of 'bratz' slippers. classy.

Now I'd have chucked out the Bratz slippers when she went to bed and told her the fairies carried them off.

You have to decide if it is a battle worth winning, and if you would be happy to deal with any potential consequences of saying something.

Try not to compare both sets of parents too. What is right for one set is not necessarily right for another set of parents. And often, as we hear loads on MN, PILs will never get it fully right anyway!

Just let them play with it till the ILs leave, then distract them whilst you secret the offensive gift away.

If they ask, tell them the fairies carried it away or the leprechaun got it.

i may simply 'lose' them, expat, bedfore she gets too attached to them!

What do you mean Enid "are you sure this isn't about YOU?" If my parents were doing the same then yes I would talk to them about it and have raised issues with my mum in the past, like when I was disciplining dd and she stepped in and tried to "help" then I took here aside and discussed it with her. I just don't feel I can do likewise with MIL as she is MIL not my mum, but would expect dh todo so if there was need. He agrees that the presents are OTT but prefers a peaceful life so doesn't want to rock the boat by bringing it up.

Chuck them out, noonar.

She probably won't ask, but if she just, just pretend you don't know where they went.

Trouble is, it isn't cheap stuff that I could justify chucking out, as I said they spend on average £10 on each child every visit.

Then give it to a charity shop.

Not worth offending them over this in my view

This won't stop your kids learning decent values in the longer term and it is nice that the grandparents bother to do this, their hearts certainly seem in the right place

Message withdrawn

I really, honestly, wouldn't be remotely bothered about this. I think it's lovely that they are able to visit so often (my MIL is dead and DH is estranged from FIL). It doesn't seem worth getting het up about.

I frequently do make up a box of stuff for the charity shop, and get dd to help me,so she is aware of helping out others not as fortunate as her etc. I just resent having to work even harder to make here aware of the value of things and not end up being a spoilt brat because she is constantly inundated wih gifts.

Well, yeah, Pruni, because my 3.7 year old has dyspraxia (and probably other learning disabilities) and whilst she is a very pretty and good-natured child, she's not the brightest light in the habour, tbh.

She doesn't notice and if she does it's in passing.

The baby is, well, a baby.

I haven't read whole thread but from your OP that is just TOO MUCH STUFF

no child needs that much kit and it must be cluttering up your house I would think? Can you ask her to bring a small present that gets used up eg colouring book / magazine / stationery / something to eat, instead?

Just say you think the children have enough stuff and you really haven't storage space for any more toys? I am assuming you have at least 2 children, so this is 6 new toys coming into the house every month? That's 72 things a year You can't let her keep it up, surely?

i think you have a right to some 'quality control' in your own home, tbh.

my mil is responsibible for EVERY bit of tat dd1 owns. from barbies to second hand broken polly pockets and poor quality oldfashioned picture books by unknown authors...it's all down to her!

hey, why not ask them to buy a book instead? explain that you have little room for more toys.

But surely a small gift of a clouring book or a magazine is more appropriate than a gift more suited to a birthday or christmas? It is not the fact that they give them a gift every time they come, it is just taht they are such expensive gifts. DD has been oing through a faze of seeing an advert etc and asking if she can get that certain product. I say no she caneither save up her pocket money, or wait for her birthday/christmas. Then her grandparents visit and bring a gift like something she has seen. Surely that is giving her mixed messages.

Enid do you not think that ComeOV could have some say in it when it is after all her house that is being inundated with SEVEN HUNDRED POUNDS OF PLASTIC TAT every year???

I am wincing at the whole situation, it is quite bad really isn't it?

Message withdrawn

yes you are right

I think a colouring book etc IS more suitable

but your PILs clearly dont! and you can't change them - so it really isnt worth it

have you broached it ina friendly way?

franny this isnt about ComeOv, this is about her PILS

yes you can say dont bring anymore but they will be hurt and offended

so is it worth it