To ask MIL not to bring children a present at every visit?

[ComeOVeneer]

Visits 2-3 times a month. Present every time to the value of approx £10. DH says it is her right as a grandparent. I am worried LO's are being spoilt and expect gifts. My parents visit the same amount and only bring gifts on special occasions. (Last time my parent's came dd asked me (luckily they didn't hear) why they hadn't brought her anything). I don't wish to encourage greed in my children but dh doesn't want anything said for fear of his mum getting upset.

well if you had done it two days in a row he probably would 'expect' it

but more that it has become part of your routine than he wants to spend money I should think

you lot have a serious wake up call to come if you really think you can make other people bend to your way of parenting!

all you can do is try your best to act in a decent honourable way to your children and hope that they grow up to have good values of their own. Yes they will be influenced by others but usually they grow out of it.

Hmm, Enid, I think kids do have a tendency to start to prefer stuff (esp food) which has been bought from outside or in a cafe. IMO that is the sort of expectation which starts to head towards "spoilt brat" behaviour if it's indulged every time. My step-siblings were incredibly spoiled and mercenary and expected much more than we did, they turned their noses up at everything whenever they came to our house.

Hmm, I think you are reading too much into it Greeny. Your perogative though

I can almost promise you that if you took your ds to a cafe every day for a week he would soon be begging for your spag bol at home

I think "make other people bend to your way of parenting" is a rather sensationalist way of putting it. All COV wants is for her PIL to curb the expensive present-buying a bit, because it's excessive and unnecessary.

Can you really Enid? What a clever woman you are, having never met my ds and all

hmm

your own parents are not really other people like yopur ex next door neighbours might be

I think you might be surprised how quickly even a rubbish present becomes more anticipated than the gps..it really doesn't take long for children to become quite mercenary

I am generally laid back about gps and plastic tat (which I actually rather love) but I think I would mind if I was CoV too. I wouldn't say anything other than a gentle hint, because I do agree that it's kind of what gps are "for" to a point, but what would bother me is that birthday and Christmas presents would cease to have any kind of impact with large presents arriving several times a month. And that seems a shame, if they miss out on the anticipation. I agree that colouring books and crayons would be much more appropriate in an ideal world.

well obviously its a generalisation

but then so is the idea that taking kids to the cafe twice in a row makes them materialistic

fio
msn

But then, nobody actually said that, didthey?

I used it to illustrate how quickly children start to anticipate something if it happens regularly

mine expesct food

actually, i think too many gifts can be very harmful. my dd1 had her 5th birthday on saturday, and her behaviour definately deteriorated in direct proportion to the amount off stuff she was given. she started off really acknowledging and grateful, taking time to lokk at each card....by the end she was wripping off the paper without caring who it was from (before i stopped her!)

she has behaved in a similar way on holiday. too many treats DEF maker her behave in a selfish, rude way. (but a few days on bread and water usually sorts her out again)

Message withdrawn

They were grannies on zimmers, weren't they? On the hall table because that's where we put stuff prior to it going to the charity shop. Present from their uncle, and there I really do draw the line. Still, he got me and dh a book about video games, so that redressed the balance (not)

Message withdrawn

Everytime we see my mum she has gifts for ds, normally a decent toy, some cheap stuff from the pound shop and sweets.

He looks in her bag when she arrives

But, she loves seeing his little face and he of course loves it too.

She is his Grandma and if she gets pleasure from it then who am I to spoil it? She would be so upset if I asked her to stop.

In the grand schem of things I don't think it's a problem. And COV would come off as the bad guy imo.

I;m with your dh.

But would you mind more northerner, if it was something as big and expensive as you would get for Christmas/birthday, every time she visited?

Not unreasonable.
You are entitled to express yourself
you need to do this with your MIL
(rather you than me)
I have the same happen but i don't really mind.....my dds know they'll get gifts and i think it's quiet nice (my parents buy tat galore, MIL buys posh presies)Thats what Gp do IMO.
I you are not happy with the situation let them know gently

also, CoV, be wary of discussing it in front of the DC, other wise they may do what my dd does, and quote how 'mummy doesnt like plastic toys/ nail varnish on children/ bratz/ original ribena/ barbies' or whatever nany may have recently given them....she's dropped me right in it a few times.

My mum always brings loads of pressents and she visits weekly! I think its their right to spoil the children (my mum spends about £60 a go!) I think little ones understand who gives them what although my sister spoils them rotten too she has no children so we share mine.

I don't think you can spoil a child as long as they appreciate what they have and know they cant always have everything.

My dd's have everything but if I tell them NO they totally respect that & my eldest is only 3.

nanny