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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming at being left out of conversations because i'm a woman.

76 replies

justintimeforacuppa · 27/04/2017 08:51

This happens quite often, if me and DH get chatting to a man everything's fine till the talk turns to politics or world affairs, then it's like as if i'm not there. I've noticed it loads of times. It's as if what could i know about such things, a mere woman. The man will literally ignore me because it's "grown up talk" and what could i possibly know. It unfuriates me, anyone else get this?

OP posts:
morningrunner · 27/04/2017 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CainDinglesLeatherJacket · 27/04/2017 08:53

Do you actively try to join in the conversation, and get ignored, or do you wait for someone to direct a question/comment towards you?

If they are ignoring you, then that's very rude and your partner needs to involve you in the discussion.

TheLuminaries · 27/04/2017 08:55

It sounds like that Harry Enfield sketch 'women, know your place'. Fortunately DH & I don't hang out with any men like this, so it doesn't happen to me. My MIL on the other hand can make such pretty breath taking sexist assumptions, but she is a half wit who no one listens to so it doesn't matter Smile

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2017 08:55

Blimey no.

What sort of people do you both mix with?

Crumbs1 · 27/04/2017 08:56

No

gamerwidow · 27/04/2017 08:56

No never had that happen to me. I'm sure people like this do exist but I am fortunate not to live and work among them.

Topseyt · 27/04/2017 08:58

No. Never, and I wouldn't stand for it if I thought it was happening.

Original poster
justintimeforacuppa · 27/04/2017 08:59

These aren't men we know, it's just strangers really when we walk our dogs, we get chatting to quite a lot of people.

OP posts:
mousymary · 27/04/2017 09:00

Never happened to me. Ever.

I would say that if I proffer an opinion about football , I often do get the Hmm look.

flownthecoopkiwi · 27/04/2017 09:01

No, but i do find when we met new people my husband is asked what he does for work, and I'm not?

I wonder if it's because we have children? I find it really annoying

mousymary · 27/04/2017 09:01

I walk the dog every day and chat to masses of people... but I've never discussed world affairs with anybody!

Obsidian77 · 27/04/2017 09:01

Ask the man a direct and challenging question about his opinion?

isthistoonosy · 27/04/2017 09:02

Are they actively ignoring you, talking over you etc - if so that is very rude and I would either say something there and then and / or not talk to them again.

If its a case of you waiting to be brought into the conversation, waiting for a gap to speak etc then you just have to butt in, and talk over them if needs be to get back in the conversation. I think this is very common, and not soley a problem with men.

dworky · 27/04/2017 09:06

Absolutely - see also, sport.

Coffeeandcrochet · 27/04/2017 09:06

flownthecoopkiwi - I get that a lot, and we don't have children yet. We recently relocated, and so many people have assumed it was for my husband's job (in fact it suited both our careers equally).

I met someone recently, who asked why we relocated and I replied that it was for our jobs. She then turned to my husband, who was some distance away and not really involved in the conversation, and asked what he did, completely shutting me out. I was Shock

Original poster
justintimeforacuppa · 27/04/2017 09:08

We do tend to meet the same people quite a lot on our walks, they're strangers in a way like we don't know their names but we see them quite often on our walks. Talk a lot about our dogs and other day to day things, but if it's about news events or politics it's like as if i'm not there. Bloody annoying.

OP posts:
lljkk · 27/04/2017 09:13

Is it the style of your DH that he doesn't pause to let you in?

I quite like being an observer & saying nothing, anyway. Good opportunity to study character when you just let people prattle on. If me & someone else have poor grounds for mutual agreement, then why stick my oar in & create bad feeling? My silence may mean I'm spinning out the rope to let them hang selves & judging how to avoid such conversations (their monologue) in future. That said, DH KNOWs I pay more attention to politics-world affairs-car maintenance therefore he tends to defer & let me do those kind of conversations.

KatharinaRosalie · 27/04/2017 09:14

Not on the same level, but often DH is asked all about his job, how's it going, ooh isn't if fascinating, wow.

The same person then might ask me, kind of as an afterthought, if I work as well, or not. Clearly, couldn't care less what I do and expecting a reply that yes I do a little bit of non-important boring thing on the side, for pin money.

Now don't get me wrong, DH's job is interesting. He and I work in the same industry, I'm massively more senior and earning several times his salary..

dollydaydream114 · 27/04/2017 09:17

This doesn't really happen to me but then I don't really hang out with people who would do that. I certainly think it does happen to women sometimes.

The two subjects that the men in my previous office always assumed women wouldn't want to talk about were football and music. Which is annoying as I'm interested in, and know a lot about, both.

mousymary · 27/04/2017 09:22

Sometimes men (through no fault of their own!) have loud voices and it is a struggle to get yourself heard, especially in a lively conversation. It is one of men's great advantages that when they speak loudly it can sound authoritative, but when women raise their voices it can sound shrill or shrieky. I have noticed this a lot on the radio - and I know that Margaret Thatcher had training to speak in a deeper voice.

Anyway, OP, why don't you start the conversation? "Hey, Mr Lurcher, are you in favour of raising top rate of tax?" or "How shall we fund social care, Mr Pitbull? and then they will have to address you before dh.

Galla · 27/04/2017 09:23

Happens me all of the time.
We have a neighbour. He's a nice guy but a know-it-all. He was talking to another male neighbour about a current issue in the local news.
I happened to know a lot about it and after they greeted me I added my bit.
Then first neighbour said "no, thats not the case, then turned to 2nd male neighbour, "this is what will probably happen" and blanked me out of it altogether.
I drifted out of the conversation and went home thinking what a sexist pig and feeling sorry for his wife.
But thinking now, I was playing the meek woman role by just not responding back to confirm how I knew what I was saying was right. I wish I was stronger.
I have a huge interest in politics, both locally and globally and I like to think I have something interesting to contribute to those conversations. Unfortunately in my circles, female friends never really want to talk about current issues. Its always about kids,school, home, family, husbands, food, etc.
Its only on Mumsnet I can share my thoughts on those issues which is sad.

Snugglepalace · 27/04/2017 09:28

This happens to us too, especially if the men are middle-aged +. It happens with us when we go to purchase something e.g.,we've recently purchased a new caravan and the sales bloke was all over dh and discussed all of the finances with him, as though I was just the little woman who wouldnt understand such a 'manly' subject.
I put it down to the fact I'm blonde and some blokes think it's still the 1950's but it's their problem not mine.

LaContessaDiPlump · 27/04/2017 09:29

It happened to me when DH and I used to go out to pubs in a small town which we'd relocated to. Woman = invisible, except to other women (who weren't interested in the politics chat).

We moved back to a large city. Ahhhhh, that's better.

JustifiedAncientofMooMoo · 27/04/2017 09:32

I had a boyfriend when I was a teen who said it was odd that I as a woman was interested in the politics of his country.

I dumped him!

KinkyAfro · 27/04/2017 09:33

I kind of get this at work, I start to say something and get completely talked over, drives me mad

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