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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think that some people just never get over depression

57 replies

homeandstillhome · 26/04/2017 21:07

Just that really - my mum suffered from depression her entire adult life until she died at 40.
I was great until pnd two years ago and since then I have just been scraping along.

Aibu to think some people never recover?

OP posts:
Bluebubble123 · 26/04/2017 21:09

I have had it for 20 year, some worse than others but i don't think i will ever be depression free

Chocmudpie · 26/04/2017 21:09

Aw 40 is so young such a shame. Are you getting help OP? I can't agree with you because I think its very partly down to attitude as well, don't think you'll always have depression as this will weigh you down even further. Flowers

harderandharder2breathe · 26/04/2017 21:12

I'm so sorry OP

I've had depression since my teens (now early thirties) and will probably have it all my life. However most of the time it's under control thanks to medication and I'm able to function more or less normally.

Ludovica · 26/04/2017 21:16

This reply has been withdrawn

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Original poster
homeandstillhome · 26/04/2017 21:18

Choc after my dd was born I was given flouxetine which I still take . It has helped but I still go through weeks or months of feeling awful before perking up a bit. I can't seem to maintain feeling ok!

OP posts:
Launderetta · 26/04/2017 21:23

Over 30 years here!!
It can 'simply' be a chemical / hormonal imbalance & so be with you for life; with medication it is almost entirely manageable.
The important thing is to keep in touch with your GP so you're always treated appropriately to your own needs & by someone who does not judge you.

checktrousers · 26/04/2017 21:28

I've suffered from depression for 23 years since the age of 14. I don't ever expect to be depression free. I've tried a huge list of different ADs which sometimes help but doesn't exactly cure it. Best thing to do is get a referral to tertiary care and a psychiatrist who can prescribe the best combination for you, and refer you for more specialist/extended therapy. I have been attending CBT for the past few months, which helps a lot, and I've been allocated 60 sessions which you wouldn't get through just a GP.

Original poster
homeandstillhome · 26/04/2017 21:30

Laundretta - I haven't seen my gp for about a year the prescription just gets automatically renewed. I find talking to doctors extremely difficult so avoid it !

OP posts:
Ditsy1980 · 26/04/2017 21:30

I had PND after birth of DD. She's 7 next month. I am still on anti-depressants. I function and am so, so much better but I'm not the same person as I was pre-PND. Not sure I ever will be tbh. But maybe that's just who I am now?

I think of it in terms like a recovering alcoholic...I am "better" in that I am not depressed but I'll always be aware of it.

BuffyFan · 26/04/2017 21:31

A good friend of mine described depression once with what I find a helpful analogy. In the depths of depression, you feel like you're lost at sea, drowning. You may recover enough to feel like you're in a boat filling with water, which you're bailing out as fast as the boat's filling up. You may recover enough to ride the boat to dry land. And then you might stay on dry land for a period of time. But for most people with depression, that dry land is an island, and they'll spend their lives out at sea, or rowing to the nearest dry land, and hopefully spending some time on the ground. In my head, and thinking about my own experiences, I think of myself as"island hopping". I've been lost at sea, right now I'm on dry land, but I'll always be island hopping and I will never not be at risk of being lost at sea again.

The important thing though is to recognise it, seek help, and get yourself on dry land for as much of the time as you can be. That way you and those around you have the strength to bail out the boat when you need to.

Pardonwhatnow · 26/04/2017 21:38

Aw 40 is so young such a shame. Are you getting help OP? I can't agree with you because I think its very partly down to attitude as well

Never suffered from depression then?

I have/do and can tell you it absolutely isn't down to attitude. There is never any part of me that doesn't want to get up and do the simple tasks that I KNOW will make my life better, but you know what, on many days regardless of what I want to do and know I should do I just can't because all my brain will let me do is hide in the bedroom in the dark.

I don't want to be like this and never was until a couple of years ago, and attitude has fuck all to do with it.

Thanks for the patronising post though. Maybe I should just get up, have a wash and snap out of it whilst thinking positive thoughts.

Louiselouie0890 · 26/04/2017 21:49

I was ok to come off anti depressants but I still feel like there's part of me that has it. I still have to do certain things or I get really down like not staying in too much and keeping up with my sleep making sure I see people so don't get too lonely.

RandomMess · 26/04/2017 21:52

After 35 years of depression and 25 years of being in the system I have finally been diagnosed with PTSD and low mood depression.

Can't fathom how it has taken so long and wonder if now I'm at long last going to get the therapy I really need...

Bumplovin · 26/04/2017 22:08

I think it depends on your circumstances etc as well as your chemical makeup I had a nervous breakdown when my parents divorced when I was 18 and at uni it took all of my 20 s to get over it but I had other things going on like ill health , a difficult boss, a relationship that wasn't great. Turned 30 met my husband and everything turned around I was happy, made more friends, got a new job then suddenly found myself with everything I've ever dreamt of a wonderful husband and a 5 month old baby and believe it or not with my risk factors no sign of pnd as yet. So while I believe I'll always have my moments I do think you should have hope because it can go away- I have hypnotherapy for my anxiety tho which is so helpful I think I'll always suffer anxiety to some extent

TheBadgersMadeMeDoIt · 26/04/2017 22:17

I certainly think it's the case for some people. I don't know nearly enough about it but I certainly believe myself to be "prone" to depression, having had three prolonged episodes (including PND).

I'm ok now - living quite happily and functioning normally, but I can never quite forget what it did to me and what it might do again. Once you've looked into that darkness, you can never "unsee" it, and it changes you. Just knowing it's there makes you a different person.

But then, lots of things cause us to change. As we grapple with all life's challenges, we suffer and we learn, and we grow. None of us are the same today as we were yesterday. (And 5 years ago I wouldn't have believed that I could ever think of a positive thing to say about depression, but there it is. Like I said...I'm ok at the moment Smile)

Fruitcorner123 · 26/04/2017 22:23

If it helps i have suffered from depression and am not depressed at the moment. It may well return ( a prospect that fills me with terror) but i dont believe it's guaranteed. I feel i have learnt some ways to help me cope with it. I was on antidepressants and will go on them again if i ever need them but i also found a few practical changes helped things. I exercise regularly, try and eat as healthily as i can, as much as possible try and fill my life with things i enjoy (like reading novels i love and watching comedy.) For me it happened gradually and I had to take baby steps with the changes I made. I eventually had the courage to leave a job i hated which made a huge difference. In my case i have a faith which helps massively too. I did find counselling useful, research shows that talking helps and would recommend that. Keep trying things, try new medications if your old ones don't work, try a new GP if this one isn't easy to talk to. Don't give up and don't assume that what happened to your mum will happen to you. Millions of people suffer from depression at some point in their life and many find themselves in a happier place later. You are not alone and so many of us know how you feel.

dinosaursandtea · 26/04/2017 22:30

I've had it pretty much my whole life. On the surface everything is great - happily married, good job - but I'm a total workaholic so that when those dark periods do come, I still have something to show for my life.

Storminateapot · 26/04/2017 22:46

I think people can recover, but can have an ongoing tendency. That doesn't mean it will always be there, it can come & go - and go for a long time.

I have suffered in the past with pnd, but despite recently having been diagnosed stage 4 cancer, I am not currently suffering and I haven't been medicated for at least 10 years. I'm having a tough time and I feel low sometimes, but I don't feel hopeless & desperate like I did when I had pnd despite on the surface having more 'reason' to feel that way.

Dumbo412 · 26/04/2017 22:51

I don't think it ever truly goes away. It's possible that my beliefs are somewhat clouded by having a personality disorder that means I do go from one end of the spectrum to the complete other. I'm supposed to feel some sort of "up" and some downs, but these highs have been very far and few between whereas the downs never seem to go.

Though I do have depression as a standalone diagnosis too, plus anxiety.

I don't think it will ever go, I just keep telling myself I've got to find a way to make it possible to have some sort of life with it.

I have recently found that exercise helps a bit, if I can b img myself to do it!

It's an awful illness to have though. My husband also has it. I feel terrible for him.

Blimey01 · 26/04/2017 22:51

Ludovica - It certainly sounds like that could have been the case. I hope that you can go to see your GP and get some support. Flowers

Fruitcorner123 · 26/04/2017 23:03

So sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis storminateacup. I agree it is possible to recover from depression and hope the op finds comfort in this.

Op there are lots of treatments and though not all work for everyone there may well be something that works for you. As an illness you deserve to get treatment and support not be forced to try and cope or get used to it and thinking you are always going to suffer from it might prevent you from seeking the treatment you deserve.

BringMeTea · 26/04/2017 23:10

I think having had depression it makes one a bit vigilant maybe. I know I worry about it returning and still do have anxiety. I suppose I consider myself an 'anxious' type. I do sometimes wish I was more 'happy-go-lucky' but you know, we are what we are. One thing I am poor at is opening up to loved ones about how I am feeling. When I do, it always results in something positive.

It's tough OP. I certainly think you can be happier than you feel today. Be kind to yourself.

storminateacup Wishing you lots of luck with any treatment you might be having. Flowers

Babyroobs · 26/04/2017 23:45

My mum suffered postnatal depression after the birth of my brother depression then blighted the rest of her life really off and on until she died. When I was a child she had a couple of breakdowns a few years apart with admission to psychiatric hospitals.

Insomnibrat · 27/04/2017 00:22

I'm 35, I've suffered since I was at least 13 and I honestly believe i'll be afflicted forever.
I've given up now, I can do well for so long with a job/boyfriend/life stuff but it ALWAYS comes back and it ALWAYS destroys me.
I'm at the point where I don't see my friends, have no boyfriend, quit my job and lost my house and i'm living in my Mum's back bedroom with no children (there's no way i'd procreate and risk passing this curse on) and to be honest, i'm done. I see no point whatsoever in going after those things again because one day every so often, for no apparent reason, I wake up and decide to disassemble my life. It's like a self sabotage.
I AM on meds, and AM doing CBT, which I've had to fight like fuck to get onto but if i'm honest, i'm 35 and essentially waiting to die. That's it. I see no point in trying again, when depression grips me, I'm helpless.

Torenova84 · 27/04/2017 00:35

yes i think you can get over depression. Pretty much through my teens till my early twenties i suffered from anxiety and depression and was on medication for it. Been medication free for the past 3 years and feel great. There are times i get anxious and over stress about things but its been about learning to talk about things and i have a fantastic support systems (family ) in place. For me i get days where im down but ive learned that thats normal, its when 1 day turns into 2 then several weeks down the line - is not so normal and have coping strategies in place to help combat what i call my cycle - stay in bed all day, lose motivation. For me focusing on work helps keep me in routine and i dont really like time off as i am then out my routine.

Every one is individual though, and i had allot of personal issues i had to work through which i feel has helped in my recovery. I do feel (and please dont misunderstand me) that there is an element that people need to want/recognise they need help and equally, circumstances need to be right for this to happen. Weather this be engaging in counselling, medication or combination of therapies, the person needs to be in the right place for this to happen, right medication , right counsellor to engage with. Its all so complex. I am not saying people with depression dont want help but i feel its similar to stop smoking, going diets etc, people try over and over to achieve their goal but it just takes the right set circumstances, the right diet the right frame of mind for it to work

In saying that, i am pregnant and worry that considering my history, theres a good chance i might get PND. I have my familiy around to support me and my midwife and doctor are aware of my history so i am hopeful that if this does happen, i will have the right support to help me get through this x