Aibu to think that some people just never get over depression

[homeandstillhome]

Just that really - my mum suffered from depression her entire adult life until she died at 40.
I was great until pnd two years ago and since then I have just been scraping along.

Aibu to think some people never recover?

I think it will always be there for me just under the surface. Its back at the moment due to external factors and i feel like I've given in to it. I keep it at bay but it appears every now and then.

I think of it like a cliff and some of us walk closer to the edge than others.
Lifetime medication moves me away from the steepest drop a bit.
Those such as checktrousers who are under secondary care are incredibly lucky to have that still funded in your area - after I was last admitted with an episode of severe depression/ suicidal ideation the psychiatrist said he couldn't see me in his clinic, there was no provision for anything but the most unstable schizophrenia and other psychotic illnesses. I'm hoping I can afford therapy one day.

and please dont think im trivialising depression by comparing it to stopping smoking etc. i believe there needs to be the right set of circumstances for people to recover.

It was one of the worst periods of my life, and i very much remember that feeling of nothingness, no care no nothing and pray that i never experience it again. I wish those that have commented all the best with your recovery xxx

I first started suffering at 14 and have struggled all my life, including hospital admission. I know my mother blamed herself for passing her struggling on. I function and manage but if it's there it's never far away

Ludovica
I'm not a doctor, but it sounds like you've normalised what may well be depression. I'd recommend seeing a doctor who, if it is depression, should be able to help

I was depressed in my early 20s.... I didn't recognise it as such at the time but in hindsight I was but just about managed to struggle on. It did lift as I got older as my circumstances changed and I learnt ways to cope with the anxiety that was part and parcel of it. I really should have seen a doctor at the time but wasn't self-aware enough.

In my experience you can't cure depression but you can learn how to manage it. I have been mostly ok in the last 7 years after being treated with a combination of CBT and ADs but I do have bad periods and I do need to keep vigilant to recognise when things are getting on top of me and I need to take action to reduce or manage my stress levels.

This has made me really sad to read. DD is in a relationship with a beautiful, kind, incredibly clever and sensitive young man who has confided in her that his behaviour is as it is because of his prolonged severe depression. He is on AD and having therapy (not sure if this is funded by his parents or the NHS). He has confided he feels nothing much of the time, feels like giving up, isn't socialising right now and refuses to see her sometimes. She can't do anything to help and is holding on to him coming through it. He's been like this since early January and so far he is the lowest he has ever been. He's 20, it makes me so sad that no one can help and he appears to be trying so hard. Excercising, eating well, taking medication, trying to keep distracted. But it's always there.

What do you really want from those around you when you are at your lowest?

OP I think some people will never get over depression, but many do.

Both OH and I have had bouts of depression in our lives, both successfully treated with no recurrence.

I have not had any depression for 20 years, I have learned how to make sure my emotions stay healthy, act on any slight slippage from that and I lead a very happy life.

@hoteleuphoria someone to be there and listen without trying to jolly you along or minimise it. Just acknowledging that you have these feelings and it's ok can be enough.

Thank you gamer widow.

Yanbu. But I have recurrent depressive disorder (recurrent episodes of major depression) so i would say that!

I will say though that as much as I go through periods of major depression I also go through periods of wellness. So all is not lost!

I think of it in terms like a recovering alcoholic...I am "better" in that I am not depressed but I'll always be aware of it.

I haven't ever seen it put quite like that, but that's exactly how I feel, too. I'm clearly much 'better' - just yesterday I was thinking about how the task I was doing would once have had me in tears of anxiety, I've been able to deal with a recent tough time in such a different way than I could when I was at my worst, and I've been coping without medication for a couple of years now - but I still feel like I'm always aware that I could go back there. It's my worst fear. I know how bad it got and going back there scares me so so much. It colours everything. Someone above mentioned being pregnant and worried about PND - I'm trying to get pregnant at the moment and have the same fear. I'm also scared that if I keep struggling to have a baby and, particularly, that if I lose another pregnancy it might come back. I feel like I'm always scrutinising myself - is this a normal reaction to a sad thing? Or is this the start of it all coming back?

YANBU. I completely agree.

A friend of mine says that she has been depression free for nearly a year, after suffering from it for 20 years. So I guess it can happen!

I have dysthymia, I've had it since I was about 16, it's rumbled on throughout my life in peaks and troughs. Anti depressants make me feel amazing psychologically but I get terrible joint pain so I can't take them. I've recently made some alterations to my diet which seem to have had an impact- this was unintended.

As a balance to some of these sad posts can I tell you about my friend?

She suffered very severe pnd which was eventually diagnosed as bipolar. She was bed bound for months, unable to function.

Her recovery and, crucially, long term maintainence has been very multi layered. Therapy for several years ( group), strict adherence to her meds, plenty of sleep and a very high quality diet, works part time, yoga, gardening, dog, drinks in moderation only. She also refuses to do things she really doesn't want to do.

If that makes her sound selfish I will add that she has two happy and healthy adult DC, is a teacher, has a great marriage and cares for her very elderly mum.

She's the sanest, funniest and most grounded person I know. She only confided in me after being friends for some years. Her colleagues have no idea.
So yes, recovery and long term happiness is very possible but there no easy fix and you also do need to be someone who responds to the meds well.

Best wishes for your recovery.

Pardonwhatnow couldn't agree more. Depression is an illness. I'm sure the person who said it's down to attitude would never dream of saying that to someone with a physical illness. Still so much lack of understanding about this debilitating condition.

My husband has and never will get over his.

He does have other MH issues on top to be fair but his good days will always be other people's bad days. He is always at least mildly depressed, mostly just highly depressed.

After 20 odd years with nothing getting better ever, a cocktail of meds etc nothing changes.

We had a bad night last night, I am emotionally exhausted today and god knows how he is feeling. Some people may learn how to manage it well with meds and therapy. People like my husband? No chance.

I can't agree with you because I think its very partly down to attitude as well

I actually wish I didn't read this thread now.

If my husband just changed his attitude he wouldn't be going through hell and back. Good to know.

I think as a pp said, you learn to manage it and will have good days and bad. I've had depression most of my adult life but fortunately it has rarely gone above moderate levels. What I realise now though is the drip effect of not feeling 100% most of the time has had on my career, body etc. It creeps up on you. I'm an educated graduate but can't cope with too much stress, I work in a shop now. I would have like more children but chose not too, I'm overweight etc etc.

u2

I've suffered from depression since I was 11 and diagnosed with diabetes. A lot of my anxiety and depression comes from managing a condition every single day which responds differently from one day to the next. And is also treated by a drug that you are managing yourself and can kill you if you misjudge it.

I've been better and worse over the years but I've always been anxious and a worrier which I think stems from being diabetic.
Since having my daughter 16 months ago I've been constantly highly anxious and depressed and I do think that's it for me now, I'm also waiting to die. I don't want to die at the minute because of my children but the years stretch in front of me as one long bleak trial with nothing to look forward to. It's just one relentless day after another.

I think you can be prone to depression and then an event can trigger it or it can be a chemical imbalance with no particular trigger.
I think once you've had it once you are more likely to suffer again with it. I thought I would feel better 16 months after having my daughter but I don't. I think it is a permanent thing now.

I was ok to come off anti depressants but I still feel like there's part of me that has it. I still have to do certain things or I get really down like not staying in too much and keeping up with my sleep making sure I see people so don't get too lonely.

This is me exactly, it's constant maintenance. I feel as though I find life a lot harder than it ought to be, keeping active and busy is imperative for me. I also recognise the warning signs.