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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has been sprayed with red dye!

767 replies

Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 17:00

This morning DH was running along the Thames towpath as he often does. He was running quite fast as he's training. There is an area where the path narrows a bit and he had caught up and was running behind a woman. He thought she moved to one side to let him pass, so he ran up behind her, at which point she screamed and suddenly sprayed him with a spray! Most of it got on his t-shirt but some of it also also got on his neck and lower face, though he didn't realise at the time. She screamed at him to get away from her and then ran back the other way. He was saying to her, "It's ok" etc, but he said she was so freaked out and looked so terrified he didn't try and follow her.
Now he has a zig-zag pattern of red up his neck and on the left side if his face and it really won't come off. He went into work and someone told him its probably a dye that the police use to mark criminals! I looked on google and it looks as if you can buy a red spray dye that won't wash off for 7 days! If it's this, it's a nightmare as he has to go to China on business tomorrow.
DH feels bad that she was so scared and her reaction actually scared him. He thinks maybe he should have held back, but he thought she was letting him overtake her. I think her reaction was a bit extreme though -AIBU? I run down that path frequently (although not at 6.30am) and I have never heard of anything like this.

OP posts:
LostMySanityCanIBorrowYours · 26/04/2017 18:21

StillHungryy

That poster was correct. MH help is woefully lacking in this country. You were lucky.

I rang the GP for my daughter who was self harming, showing symptoms of bulimia, experiencing panic attacks at school, refusing to attend school because of the panic attacks.

It took two weeks to get the appointment with the GP, who referred her to CAHMS. The referral took three weeks to come through. At the CAHMS session she refused to engage. We were told they unfortunately do not have the time or money to offer her the kind of long term therapy she'd need to help her open enough to benefit. All I can do is wait for it to get bad enough to have her sectioned if she won't open up to people. There is nothing else that can be done for her Sad

The chances are there wouldn't be sufficient support available for this woman however it still should be offered to her, even if she has to wait a shocking length of time to receive it.

kali110 · 26/04/2017 18:21

The spray by the way is legal. So not sure why everyone thinks she is going to be charged with assault?
Not if it is used in way to cause harm.

Laniakea · 26/04/2017 18:22

laniakea But we don't actually know what happened, she probably thought she was acting in self defence.

She'd have to prove that she was acting in self defence. I'm not sure how effective 'I was scared, he could've been a rapist' would be as a defence if there was absolutely nothing to reasonably suggest that that was the case. I don't think a bloke running close to me on a path could reasonably lead me to believe he is about to rape me.

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 18:22

It's not irrationally scared to think that that may be about to happen.

Have you never crossed over to the other side of the road because you thought you were being followed by a weirdo?

Hulababy · 26/04/2017 18:22

It helps prevent attack apparently as it causes confusion and disorientation, blurred eye sight (even if not permanent) and if you rub your eyes after being sprayed it makes them feel (and your vision) worse. It may not cause permanent damage - though how much that has been tested for people with varying allergies and conditions I don't know - but it can cause temporary impairment.

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 26/04/2017 18:22

StillHungry
Strange, I got in contact on Friday, got told I should get an appointment to start by next Monday and it's not an emergency

Strange that you're boasting about getting an MH appointment in front of others who may need it more Hmm

firstnightwemet · 26/04/2017 18:23

The spray by the way is legal. So not sure why everyone thinks she is going to be charged with assault?

What stupid logic. So I can go buy water from the shop, if I walked up to a random stranger and threw it in their face then that's not assault because the water is legal.

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 18:24

Have you never crossed over to the other side of the road because you thought you were being followed by a weirdo?

Yes. I've managed not to assault anyone though.

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 18:24

She didn't "walk up to a random stranger" though, she probably thought she was about to get attacked and used it as a last resort. SW Thames footpath (parts of it) are quite isolated, it's not a place you can just run away from someone on (in some parts). This may have been her only choice.

firstnightwemet · 26/04/2017 18:24

Strange that you're boasting about getting an MH appointment in front of others who may need it more hmm

Oh for goodness sake how is that boasting?!

I got seen by a counsellor the same day I took an overdose. Am I boasting to?

IloveBanff · 26/04/2017 18:24

I hope the OP and/or her DH do contact the police. He could have problems at the airport otherwise. The police could give him some document clearing him.

Blistory · 26/04/2017 18:24

Sadly we don't go around assuming that our fellow humans are friendly and completely safe. We, as a general rule, lock our doors, we don't hitchhike, we don't go to hotel rooms with people we don't know, we don't walk down dark alleyways if we have an alternative, etc etc. We risk assess all the time.

The OP has said that she is alert to other people when she is out jogging. She has modified her behaviour because she perceives there to be risk. So both the OP and the woman in question think there is risk but have dealt with it differently.

I'm sure it's not nice for men to feel that they're under suspicion but I suspect it's a lot nicer than being the victim of rape and then having to endure the castigation for being careless, reckless or somehow deserving of an attack. If men really feel bad about this, they always have the option of speaking out about the threat women face and shaming other men. But no, we seriously have the suggestion on this thread that women should stay indoors because men being offended that a complete stranger might not trust them is a greater cause.

usernumbernine · 26/04/2017 18:26

She was seriously out of order. He didn't do anything and she shouldn't have sprayed him.

Poor bloke.

Mulledwine1 · 26/04/2017 18:26

I felt bad today actually. I was cycing along my local canal towpath and thought that I was being quite noisy as I passed over the gravel etc.

There was a lady some way ahead walking her dog. As I got up to her there was room for me to pass by and as I got up to her she jumped out of her skin and clutched her chest!

I apologised. I didn't use my bell because I think it's rude. I didn't say excuse me because there was room for me to pass and she didn't have headphones on, but maybe she had a hearing impairment.

As for the lady in the OP, there is no way I would run along a towpath at 6.30am on my own, I don't go out that early but if I am out in the dark, I run on roads with streetlights.

I often catch up slower runners when I am out running. I hope they would not spray me but I suppose (most) women don't feel threatened by other women.

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 18:26

she probably thought she was about to get attacked and used it as a last resort

No, she used it as her first resort.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/04/2017 18:28

AsthmaQ
The spray by the way is legal. So not sure why everyone thinks she is going to be charged with assault?

So is water yet you can get charged with assault for throwing it over someone.

PaintingOwls

He is not experiencing victim-blaming rhetoric, not least because it's primarily aimed at women.

Yet he is being victim blamed, if he had just given more space, if he had shouted a warning.
it is also interesting tat you are trying to genderise victim blaming.

NancyWake · 26/04/2017 18:28

No necessarily. She could equally think she successfully fended off an attacker and be breathless telling people "Thank goodness I had my spray ready or I don't like to think of what might have happened"

It's possible, but you interpret something after the fact differently than in the panic of the moment. In the aftermath she may have twigged that he was just a runner. He didn't actually try and attack her which is quite a big signifier.

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 18:28

and then having to endure the castigation for being careless, reckless or somehow deserving of an attack.

LOLOL.. that is exactly what is happening to the OP's DH on this thread!

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 18:28

Soup what other options did she have? He's a fast runner, so she couldn't have run. She has river to one side, and most likely a brick wall or forest to the other. It doesn't appear like there is anyone else around her. Do you know the Thames Towpath in South West London? Parts of it are isolated.

What would you have done if you thought you were about to get raped?

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 18:28

(And no, of course I'm not equating this attack with rape)

sparechange · 26/04/2017 18:29

From OP's description, it isn't clear that the runner even clocked her DH was a man

She could equally have sprayed a woman with this stuff, if they committed the crime of overtaking her.

It isn't victim blaming or any of the other hysterical labels to point out that if this jogger is on such a hair trigger to be spraying this stuff any time someone gets within a few feet of her, she needs to find another way of getting her exercise

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 18:30

hair trigger to be spraying this stuff any time someone gets within a few feet of her,

And how do you know that she does this? How are you so certain this wasn't the first and only time she's ever used it?

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 18:30

Soup what other options did she have?

Well, given the OP says her DH thought she was moving to let him past, she could have moved to let him past.

But clearly you think he was asking to be assaulted. FFS.

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 18:31

soup I didn't think you were (if that was aimed at me). Not at all how I was reading your posts.

littlemissneela · 26/04/2017 18:32

mulledwine1

I am a dog walker, and there have been many times a cyclist has suddenly gone past me and I haven't even heard them approaching me. I am usually lost in thought. I would much rather they used their bell.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I would phone the non emergency police number and let them know what hapened, especially as he is going out of the country soon, just in case she reports it, and it makes him look guilty of something he isn't. I hope hes managed to get the dye off his skin and hair now.