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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH has been sprayed with red dye!

767 replies

Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 17:00

This morning DH was running along the Thames towpath as he often does. He was running quite fast as he's training. There is an area where the path narrows a bit and he had caught up and was running behind a woman. He thought she moved to one side to let him pass, so he ran up behind her, at which point she screamed and suddenly sprayed him with a spray! Most of it got on his t-shirt but some of it also also got on his neck and lower face, though he didn't realise at the time. She screamed at him to get away from her and then ran back the other way. He was saying to her, "It's ok" etc, but he said she was so freaked out and looked so terrified he didn't try and follow her.
Now he has a zig-zag pattern of red up his neck and on the left side if his face and it really won't come off. He went into work and someone told him its probably a dye that the police use to mark criminals! I looked on google and it looks as if you can buy a red spray dye that won't wash off for 7 days! If it's this, it's a nightmare as he has to go to China on business tomorrow.
DH feels bad that she was so scared and her reaction actually scared him. He thinks maybe he should have held back, but he thought she was letting him overtake her. I think her reaction was a bit extreme though -AIBU? I run down that path frequently (although not at 6.30am) and I have never heard of anything like this.

OP posts:
DeleteOrDecay · 26/04/2017 18:13

I also agree that maybe calling out next time to let the person in front know you want to over take is a good suggestion. At least no one on either side will be taken by surprise then.

KurriKurri · 26/04/2017 18:13

It's victim-blaming rhetoric. Don't go running at 6.30am. Don't get drunk. Don't wear short skirts

Surely the opposite is true in this case then - 'don't go running any where a woman may choose to run or you are asking to be sprayed in the face' is what you are saying if you condone this woman's behaviour. Being a woman doesn't automatically make you the victim in all circumstances.

Of course people should be able to live their lives without fear and go running whenever they choose. But that should apply to everyone. You should be able to behave in a normal manner without being assaulted. You have to work on the assumption that most people aren't out to get you, because if you take the attitude 'all men are a potential threat therefore I carry a spray so I can run when I like and just spray anyone who I deem to be a possible threat' Then you are creating victims.

I would hazard a guess that OP's husband will no longer want to go out running at that time of day - that kind of assault is actually quite shocking - he's the victim here and may well modify his activities because of this attack.

That's victim blaming - 'it was his fault he was acting in a threatening manner' - he wasn't, he was running behind someone and overtook because he was a faster runner, that's no more asking for it than a woman is asking for it if she wears a short skirt.

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 18:14

Specialist trauma services are far and few behind - maybe you are just having an assessment, or maybe you are having another form of counselling. As there's only two specialist trauma units (three possibly) in London it's unlikely you'd have treatment start within a year (and you will have already been bounced around several services before this).

TheFormidableMrsC · 26/04/2017 18:14

A knife? It's illegal to carry knives and what if she panicked and "accidentally" stabbed somebody Hmm.

Definitely report it to cover all bases.

Use diluted bleach on his skin, I have done this before when I had a leaky permanent marker. Worked perfectly.

BollardDodger · 26/04/2017 18:14

Perhaps get some of the stuff, lie in wait and spray her with it. See how she likes it.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 26/04/2017 18:15

Your poor DH. I've started a thread about being covered in gold spray, but at least that was my own fault.

Sadly I don't have any advice on how to remove it (I'm still resolutely shiny despite my best efforts)

The woman that sprayed him must spend her life being a nervous wreck bless her.

tabbymog · 26/04/2017 18:15

I carry my keys between my knuckles if I'm walking alone at night...

This is an entirely logical and natural thing to do, to use something you always carry to protect yourself, but it's a crime, you're carrying an offensive weapon. The criminal identifier spray isn't an offensive weapon because it can't hurt anyone.

IloveBanff · 26/04/2017 18:15

Well said KurriKurri.

MissCherryCakeyBun · 26/04/2017 18:15

All those saying the sprayer was right and maybe he deserved it?
What if he had been running and she had come up behind him startling him would hehave been Right to spray her in the face? No? What if he had PTSD or had been racially abused or or or....
It's not about who came up on who it's about getting the dye off ( smokers toothpaste is very good at this daughter coloured her leg in with sharpies!!) and contacting the police on 101 to let them know what happened

What happens if she uses mace next time and kills someone with an allergic reaction

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 18:15

It's harmless, even in the eyes, it's just a marker

It is not necessarily harmless to physically mark an innocent person as being an attacker.

Hulababy · 26/04/2017 18:16

www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q589.htm

Whilst carrying the spray and the chemicals used are legal, it may not be legal to actually use it against someone. This is even more the case of using it against an unsuspecting INNOCENT victim.

There as not yet been a test case for the use of one of these sprays, so caution should be taken when choosing to carry one let alone use it on a random passerby!

Laniakea · 26/04/2017 18:16

The spray by the way is legal. So not sure why everyone thinks she is going to be charged with assault?

because even if a substance is legal you still have to demonstrate that using it is proportionate under the circumstances. If she'd tipped a pot of paint over him it would be assault, if she'd thrown an egg at him it would be assault. Buying something which is marketed as a self defence product doesn't mean you can go around attacking people with it.

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 18:17

misscherry I'd have the same views if it was gender role reversal.

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 18:17

The spray by the way is legal. So not sure why everyone thinks she is going to be charged with assault?

You can still assault someone with a legal substance. Wasn't the person who threw eggs at a politician charged with assault?

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 18:18

X post there :)

BollardDodger · 26/04/2017 18:18

The spray by the way is legal. So not sure why everyone thinks she is going to be charged with assault?

The spray being legal does not mean it is legal to spray people with it Confused

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 18:18

laniakea But we don't actually know what happened, she probably thought she was acting in self defence.

What if this was not the OPs husband but an actual rapist? And she stopped herself being raped?

Hulababy · 26/04/2017 18:18

"This Farbgel doesn't appear to be a weapon, simply just spray paint, or something similar. That said, if you go out and actually use it as a weapon - spray in someone's eyes, hit them on the head with it - and you're not doing it in self defense, then you've suddenly committed assault (or some variant therof) the crime of carrying an offensive weapon."

From another site.

As soon as you spray it at someone's face you could be charged with assault, unless you can actually prove it was self defence.

kali110 · 26/04/2017 18:18

The feeling I'm getting from some posters is that he "asked for it""
He committed the crime of "running while male

Yep. He clearly should have jogged behind her for ages. Doesn't matter if he had a schedule or anything.Hmm
So if she sprays a woman next it will be all sympathy instead?
The op's husband has done NOTHING wrong, at all.
I hope they find who did it.

CheersMedea · 26/04/2017 18:18

Seems a really odd thing. It seems unlikely that it would dissuade an actual rapist.

???

If it's immovable for several days, it has ID'd someone as an attacker - who might otherwise run off for example from a tow path with no CCTV and no realistic means of tracking them.

Firstly, someone in the process of an assault may think twice about proceeding if they have to leave the scene of an assault spray painted with a red face and red clothes.

Secondly, even if they persist in the assault there is a better chance of the police tracking them as they will need to get from the assault location home - and are more likely to be noticeable or spotted.

ExConstance · 26/04/2017 18:19

Assault and possession of offensive weapon - yes to contacting police she sounds deeply unpleasant.

Hulababy · 26/04/2017 18:20

"she probably thought she was acting in self defence. "

Not sure that simply thinking that would be good enough - she'd need some form of proof surely! You simply can't just go around spraying innocent passing people.

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 18:20

It's not an offensive weapon, it's not MACE spray.

cdtaylornats · 26/04/2017 18:20

*Or perhaps the woman thought she was about to get mugged, battered, or, raped.

Now there's a plausible explanation.*

It is but its not an excuse. If she is that irrationally scared then she shouldn't be oot.

Collaborate · 26/04/2017 18:20

I'm shocked at the amount of victim-blaming on this thread. The woman is scared for her safety so, what, she should not leave the house? Perhaps she can't run at other times due to work or family commitments. Do you realise what you sound like when you say she shouldn't live her life if she fears for her safety? I have been assaulted by a jogger at 5pm on a sunny summer day in a park close to where I live, so I don't think him being a jogger automatically renders him harmless.

I've seen it all now. Poster who complains about victim blaming fails to understand who exactly is the victim here.