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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has been sprayed with red dye!

767 replies

Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 17:00

This morning DH was running along the Thames towpath as he often does. He was running quite fast as he's training. There is an area where the path narrows a bit and he had caught up and was running behind a woman. He thought she moved to one side to let him pass, so he ran up behind her, at which point she screamed and suddenly sprayed him with a spray! Most of it got on his t-shirt but some of it also also got on his neck and lower face, though he didn't realise at the time. She screamed at him to get away from her and then ran back the other way. He was saying to her, "It's ok" etc, but he said she was so freaked out and looked so terrified he didn't try and follow her.
Now he has a zig-zag pattern of red up his neck and on the left side if his face and it really won't come off. He went into work and someone told him its probably a dye that the police use to mark criminals! I looked on google and it looks as if you can buy a red spray dye that won't wash off for 7 days! If it's this, it's a nightmare as he has to go to China on business tomorrow.
DH feels bad that she was so scared and her reaction actually scared him. He thinks maybe he should have held back, but he thought she was letting him overtake her. I think her reaction was a bit extreme though -AIBU? I run down that path frequently (although not at 6.30am) and I have never heard of anything like this.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 26/04/2017 20:39

What is he supposed to say if someone asks him about his face without sounding dodgy?

Be honest. Say he was assaulted by a random stranger in an unprovoked incident.

ZilphasHatpin · 26/04/2017 20:39

Giving a wide berth when possible. I'm sure he has a voice he could have used to ask for her to move aside. I wonder why he didn't. Would seem the obvious thing to do if there was no space to move past comfortably.

JassyRadlett · 26/04/2017 20:39

Men aren't being demonised. I simply expect them to understand that there are implications for all of us living in a society with a significant rape culture

So, what level of unprovoked assault should men be willing to accept as the price for living in that society?

StillHungryy · 26/04/2017 20:40

Blistory, but that's essentially what you're saying, for all you know a woman assaulted a man and you're making excuses for her and making it the mans fault

barefoofdoctor · 26/04/2017 20:40

Alco wipes get pretty much any stain off anything. Not sure where you'd get any tonight though unless you know a medical worker/body piercer/tattooist. Lady runner sounds unhinged. Poor husband!

Supermagicsmile · 26/04/2017 20:41

Hope the hair dye works.

IAmNotAUserNumber · 26/04/2017 20:41

Perhaps if the woman is that skittish she should give tow paths a wide birth!
I agree it was wrong of her to use the spray, but are you saying she should avoid going out for fear of assault, really?

Goldfishjane · 26/04/2017 20:41

Notausernumber - yes, im sure he will/does when he can. But not helpful right now.

Oddsocksforeveryone · 26/04/2017 20:42

My other half is a joiner and uses "wonder wipes" to get all sorts of paints and oils off his skin. Have a Google, see if there's a shop near you that sells them. Good luck

Renaissance2017 · 26/04/2017 20:42

the man didn't.

No, the man says he didn't.

So now you're saying that you don't believe the man didn't attack her? Funny, all women are to be believed on MN but men are automatically suspected of lying.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 26/04/2017 20:42

Blistory ...are you the "sprayer"?

Goldfishjane · 26/04/2017 20:42

"I agree it was wrong of her to use the spray, but are you saying she should avoid going out for fear of assault, really"

Well she's assaulted someone.....

IAmNotAUserNumber · 26/04/2017 20:43

Goldfish well the only suggestions to the OP that are helpful right now are the ones about stain removal and making a police report - so about 80% of this thread is redundant.

Hulababy · 26/04/2017 20:45

I used the words "when he is able to"

And the OP states her DH is already normally aware and gives them space, but this was a narrow towpath next to a canal.

RebelAllianceUK · 26/04/2017 20:45

OP try acetone = plain nail varnish remover.

I've been using a really penetrating dark leather dye today and got it on my hands. Scrubbing with acetone was the only thing that worked.

Sirzy · 26/04/2017 20:45

Not at all iamnot

What I am saying is perhaps she needs to reconsider the routes she is using if she feels so anxious she has to attack people with no provocation.

I know I can be anxious at times when running alone so I pick my routes so that I know they are busier, well lit etc. If I chose to run a route that would make me feel anxious that wouldn't excuse me attackinb someone simply for using the same bit of path!

ZilphasHatpin · 26/04/2017 20:45

what level of unprovoked assault should men be willing to accept as the price for living in that society?

Well it's currently nowhere near the level of unprovoked assault women are subjected to as a result of living in that society.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 20:47

There is an area where the path narrows a bit and he had caught up and was running behind a woman. He thought she moved to one side to let him pass, so he ran up behind her, at which point she screamed and suddenly sprayed him with a spray

Just reread the OP. I still think that woman's actions were not justified but are also understandable.

However, one of my first lessons when biking (as a little kid...) was to either call or cough before trying to speed past somebody and to not ring when it's an older person (because they were often scared of being run over etc...). Children are allowed and actually required to ride on the curb until they're a certain age where I'm from (6-7?)...

And in this context, already running behind her for some time, narrow path, nobody else around and it's early morning? a simply "excuse me" before being right behind somebody (male or female) would be what I'd definitely expect.

I understand, it's early morning. Sometimes people (at least I... ) do forget certain things.

But it's still not ok to spray an innocent person.

ZilphasHatpin · 26/04/2017 20:48

If I chose to run a route that would make me feel anxious that wouldn't excuse me attackinb someone simply for using the same bit of path!

You have assumed the route was what made her anxious. You have no idea if that is the case. It may have been the man's behaviour. He was running fast towards her from behind and didn't call out to warn her of his approach.

Sirzy · 26/04/2017 20:49

Whatever made her feel anxious doesn't justify assaulting him though.

Trifleorbust · 26/04/2017 20:49

Jesus, this thread is nuts. Of course it isn't okay to assault someone for jogging near you.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 20:50

Zilphas

he wasn't just running toward her. He had apparently already been running behind her.

I mean... It's not illegal or anything. But it is certainly not considerate.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/04/2017 20:51

Blistory

Your whole take on this is

'because men'

You can spin any backstory that you like.
But this doesn't give anyone the right to assault someone.

IloveBanff · 26/04/2017 20:51

Zilphas presumably because he knew his approach was audible to the woman. He was running not tip-toeing

ZilphasHatpin · 26/04/2017 20:52

he wasn't just running toward her. He had apparently already been running behind her.

Of course he was running towards her!