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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has been sprayed with red dye!

767 replies

Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 17:00

This morning DH was running along the Thames towpath as he often does. He was running quite fast as he's training. There is an area where the path narrows a bit and he had caught up and was running behind a woman. He thought she moved to one side to let him pass, so he ran up behind her, at which point she screamed and suddenly sprayed him with a spray! Most of it got on his t-shirt but some of it also also got on his neck and lower face, though he didn't realise at the time. She screamed at him to get away from her and then ran back the other way. He was saying to her, "It's ok" etc, but he said she was so freaked out and looked so terrified he didn't try and follow her.
Now he has a zig-zag pattern of red up his neck and on the left side if his face and it really won't come off. He went into work and someone told him its probably a dye that the police use to mark criminals! I looked on google and it looks as if you can buy a red spray dye that won't wash off for 7 days! If it's this, it's a nightmare as he has to go to China on business tomorrow.
DH feels bad that she was so scared and her reaction actually scared him. He thinks maybe he should have held back, but he thought she was letting him overtake her. I think her reaction was a bit extreme though -AIBU? I run down that path frequently (although not at 6.30am) and I have never heard of anything like this.

OP posts:
BuzzKillington · 26/04/2017 20:07

Your poor dh. Glad he reported it. How dare this woman think it's OK to do this.

Original poster
Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 20:11

I just spoke with DH. He was initially a bit stressed that I called the police because he is worried they won't believe him, also he said he feels bad enough anyway about frightening the lady and what will people think. I said I got internet advice and had to report it in case she had. He's accepted that, but is stressing he won't have time to get to the station tomorrow. He will have to go though, he sees that. The pc couldn't really advise how to get it off until he's seen it, but says if it's what he expects it is it does last for at least 5 days.
He is going to China about a significant deal tomorrow pm. What is he supposed to say if someone asks him about his face without sounding dodgy?
I'll try the hair dye remover etc when he gets in.
Thankyou again for the advice about all this.

OP posts:
FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 20:12

Mojito

Tell them his you were painting a wall and he accidentally tripped over it?

Idk.

Did nothing work?

HarryPottersMagicWand · 26/04/2017 20:14

If this had been an anxious man who had randomly sprayed out at a person coming up behind him, that happened to be a woman, no one at all would be defending him or suggesting that the woman may have not been honest in her version of events. They would all be saying he overreacted/assulted the woman, but because it was a woman doing it to a man, there always has to be the small minority who will look to blame him in some way and make excuses for the woman. I get anxious about certain things, if I am particularly uneasy, I avoid the situation, not put myself right in it then randomly attack perfectly innocent members of the public, just in case.

NightWanderer · 26/04/2017 20:15

Someone suggested make up which I think is a great idea. He may be a bit embarrassed but surely less embarrassing than a red face.

LostMySanityCanIBorrowYours · 26/04/2017 20:17

Could he tell them a group of teenagers accosted him with some kind of semi permanent spray dye on his morning run?

It sounds more like the kind of thing a group of teenagers would do than a grown ass woman.

WatchHowISoar · 26/04/2017 20:17

I feel for the woman but she should not have used the spray. She had no idea who she was spraying: man woman teen hell with the amount that run early morning here it could have even been a mum and baby doing buggy fit.

WatchHowISoar · 26/04/2017 20:18

And try a johnsons baby wipe, those things strip paint!

Liara · 26/04/2017 20:18

Try scrubbing it with a pumice stone. If it normally leaves in about 5 days, it's presumably as the skin flakes off, and the pumice stone will accelerate that.

Might leave him a bit raw (don't do it till it bleeds!) but it should leave sooner.

Blistory · 26/04/2017 20:19

Men aren't being demonised. I simply expect them to understand that there are implications for all of us living in a society with a significant rape culture. None of us escape the harm it does. Male violence is a very real issue and if we can't talk about it and the consequences without fear of upsetting male egos, we will never overcome it.

I genuinely don't see that there was a known safe point for this woman to make a decision. In her assessment of her safety, waiting longer would have potentially resulted in her assault. Other posters are arguing that waiting longer would have demonstrated that the perceived risk wasn't a real risk. I'm not so sure that I would have been that willing to find out myself. The only person who knew with any certainty that there was no risk was the OP's husband and he didn't have a way to communicate that to her.

Women are conditioned not to make a fuss. We tolerate approaches that make us uncomfortable because it's not polite to do otherwise and indeed, often not safe to do otherwise. This allows rapists to get physically close and it prevents women from using deterents in case they misjudge and offend the nice man. Men who rape rely on this social conditioning and hide amongst the men who don't rape. That's their fault and not the fault of this woman.

And the reason I'm not talking about what would have happened if it was the other way around is because it generally doesn't happen the other way around. Lone women in general don't stalk lone men looking to attack them. I'm sure it does happen but it's not the norm and because it's not the norm, none of us are really conditioned to be fearful of lone women out in public in isolated places. Reversing the situation doesn't recognise the dynamic of how society actually is.

StillHungryy · 26/04/2017 20:19

On a semi lighthearted note: isn't red a lucky colour in China?!

Renaissance2017 · 26/04/2017 20:20

I think others have answered Blisory for me!

What is he supposed to say if someone asks him about his face without sounding dodgy?

Seeing as he is in China, could he say it's anti radiation paint in case the North Korea situation deteriorates further?

Original poster
Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 20:21

Feed - he's still not in as he had a hectic day today, but hopefully we can reduce it a bit at least.
Also I should say, we have 2 daughters and of course he's very aware of how women can feel vulnerable in all of situations.

OP posts:
Joanna0685 · 26/04/2017 20:21

she actually assaulted him, hope cctv has it.

Annahibiscuits · 26/04/2017 20:21

The people attacked by dogs is a fraction of the percentage of women attacked by men

HotelEuphoria · 26/04/2017 20:22

I suspect the die will stain the skin permanently too, it will disappear when the skin sheds and renews. My DS permanently marker penned his friends face on a sleepover once, the poor child had to have his face scrubbed with a green pad, it didn't disappear completely but did fade. Maybe a good scour and then a tinted moisturiser over the top?

Sorry to hear what happened to your DH.

ThomasRichard · 26/04/2017 20:22

I screamed in a completely innocent stranger's face out running once when they made me jump as they came up behind me. I was mortified and couldn't apologise enough. I can't imagine spraying someone with non-removable dye! Shock

Oblomov17 · 26/04/2017 20:23

" Farb Gel Spray should only be used in an emergency".

I too suggest that you phone the police.

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 20:23

Mojito - get makeup professional in china to cover it up - will be doable and he can ask hotel to arrange for one to come in each morning. That's probably the best way.

ThomasRichard · 26/04/2017 20:23

Do you have a chemical exfoliater like a salicylic acid based toner or mask? That would help to shift it.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/04/2017 20:24

Blistory
I genuinely don't see that there was a known safe point for this woman to make a decision. In her assessment of her safety, waiting longer would have potentially resulted in her assault.

So your suggestion is that women should be allowed to assault men if they feel unsafe.

WyfOfBathe · 26/04/2017 20:25

This allows rapists to get physically close and it prevents women from using deterents in case they misjudge and offend the nice man. Men who rape rely on this social conditioning and hide amongst the men who don't rape. That's their fault and not the fault of this woman.

I think you mean in case they ASSAULT the nice man. And it is her fucking fault, she carried out an assault! I can't believe you think that women can do whatever they want to any man just because some men rape?

Catsick36 · 26/04/2017 20:25

Police don't dye criminals! How would they know how to get it off. How ridiculous.

OnionKnight · 26/04/2017 20:26

There really is a defence force for everything.

StillHungryy · 26/04/2017 20:26

Blistory how can you say men don't feel demonised when OPs DH said he was wary of reporting it as " he is worried that they won't believe him"...

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