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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH has been sprayed with red dye!

767 replies

Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 17:00

This morning DH was running along the Thames towpath as he often does. He was running quite fast as he's training. There is an area where the path narrows a bit and he had caught up and was running behind a woman. He thought she moved to one side to let him pass, so he ran up behind her, at which point she screamed and suddenly sprayed him with a spray! Most of it got on his t-shirt but some of it also also got on his neck and lower face, though he didn't realise at the time. She screamed at him to get away from her and then ran back the other way. He was saying to her, "It's ok" etc, but he said she was so freaked out and looked so terrified he didn't try and follow her.
Now he has a zig-zag pattern of red up his neck and on the left side if his face and it really won't come off. He went into work and someone told him its probably a dye that the police use to mark criminals! I looked on google and it looks as if you can buy a red spray dye that won't wash off for 7 days! If it's this, it's a nightmare as he has to go to China on business tomorrow.
DH feels bad that she was so scared and her reaction actually scared him. He thinks maybe he should have held back, but he thought she was letting him overtake her. I think her reaction was a bit extreme though -AIBU? I run down that path frequently (although not at 6.30am) and I have never heard of anything like this.

OP posts:

usernumbernine · 26/04/2017 19:30

If I'm raped and I'm in a short skirt, and it is suggested that I need to understand my role in how events took place, is that not victim blaming?

As a woman, my DD has been assaulted. By three other women. Sexualy assaulted. Given your logic, Blistory, then my DD has to take responsibility for or to at least understand her role in how events took place.

With respect. Fuck that.

TatianaLarina · 26/04/2017 19:30

Is anyone willing to have a discussion about what the difference is between these two women - the one the OP is talking about and the one who was raped - and as to at what point the OP's woman should have known that the husband wasn't a rapist and at what point the one who was raped shoud have know that the man who came up to her was a rapist?

I'd say the fact he didn't lay a finger on her was a massive pointer, wouldn't you?

White spirit or turps should help with the dye. Otherwise he may have to wear foundation - Dermablend would probably do it.

Blistory · 26/04/2017 19:32

In regards to the dog, yes, you just need to have a reasonable fear. Because it's entirely rational for people to take action BEFORE they are bitten if they have reasonable grounds to believe they are in danger so the law now reflects that.

A dog doesn't need to actually bite to be considered a risk and made subject to a dog control order.

Pigface1 · 26/04/2017 19:32

I just don't understand what the point of this spray is. Surely it isn't actually going to deter a genuine attacker. All it's going to do is - possibly - make him more easily identifiable to police afterwards. That may even not be a deterrent to him. And obviously there's a risk that you spray an innocent stranger.

kali110 · 26/04/2017 19:33

And as for me victim blaming ? He got a bit of paint on him. It shouldn't have happened and it's not nice but let's keep some perspective on the respective risks that they both faced.
Wtf yh, it was only op's husband, what does it matter?

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 19:34

Blistory

But not when a dog tries to run past me...

kali110 · 26/04/2017 19:35

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite if you read some threads on here some people would say you were justified

Renaissance2017 · 26/04/2017 19:36

When I read threads like this I wonder why I bother crossing the road or making sure I don't cause alarm.

To some women it appears that I'm a rapist whatever, so why should I care whether I scare them or not? If I'm to be lumped in with undesirables purely because of the sex I was born with (and something according to the trans threads I can't change), then I might as well see all women as potential accusers.

GardenGeek · 26/04/2017 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 19:38

Pigface

It blurs the vision if sprayed in eyes and causes disorientation so can be used to prevent an attack by giving victim time to get away.

LostMySanityCanIBorrowYours · 26/04/2017 19:38

but let's keep some perspective on the respective risks that they both faced

Yes, let's do that.

The attacker faced no risk as she very fortunately did not encounter a rapist on her run.

In attacking a perfectly innocent man the way she did, she risked him facing financial loss. He now has to replace his t-shirt. If he worked in a customer facing role he may have been sent home from work until the dye faded. All for the non crime of passing a woman on his morning run.

Goldfishjane · 26/04/2017 19:39

Pig, I think it might well deter an attacker, yes. I suppose you're thinking once they've been sprayed they could just carry on with the attack because they are marked but I would imagine it would make some run away and concentrate on trying to remove it or just stop and hope the victim doesn't report, because the victim might be less likely to report an attempted attack that was stopped.

I am myself a petite woman who is shit scared of big blokes if I'm walking home alone but I cannot see the woman did the right thing here at all. (Actually I'm shit scared of big blokes full stop tbh).

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 19:39

kali

Yeah, ok. Maybe. But I don't think I'd be...

user1482079332 · 26/04/2017 19:39

Nail Polish remover

RB68 · 26/04/2017 19:40

try rubbing alcohol - used to be used to sterilise skin before injections I got mine of ebay but chemist may have some - it gets rid of sharpies off skin so should work

MycatsaPirate · 26/04/2017 19:42

I have a huge issue with people walking/running behind me. To the point that I hate being out in crowded areas and if I'm on my own and someone is walking behind me I will either cross the road or stop to let them pass. I get really anxious and start sweating. Total fear. This is because I was raped in my own home by someone who had broken in whilst I was out and when I got home and went in the flat he grabbed hold of me from behind by my hair.

So for that reason I would never go running (although I can't actually run anyway) on my own, I wouldn't run in a place where there is absolutely no one else around leaving me vulnerable and I would never put myself into a situation where I was likely to have a major panic attack.

If this woman is in the same state I am (PTSD) then she perhaps should think about a gym or a running club instead of randomly attacking strangers with no reason at all.

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 19:44

Bicarbonate of Soda?

Did the police not tell you how to get it off?

Blistory · 26/04/2017 19:44

Renaissance

Why do you cross the road ?

Isn't it because you are already aware that many women perceive unknown men to potentially be a threat to them ? You know that you're not a rapist but you seem to understand that women can't automatically know that. You know the threat isn't real but how do they ? Why should that offend you as a man ?

Sirzy · 26/04/2017 19:47

Going off this thread he probably does it so he doesn't get attacked by some woman who thinks it's fine to attack random men simply because they are a man!

kali110 · 26/04/2017 19:49

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite
Oh no, i completely agree with you!

StillHungryy · 26/04/2017 19:50

Blistory maybe because men are constantly drummed into them from a young age that they're always considered a threat to women, and women are taught from a young age men are dangerous

kali110 · 26/04/2017 19:51

You know the threat isn't real but how do they ? Why should that offend you as a man ?

No, why should he be offended that women could think he a potential rapist?

Guepe · 26/04/2017 19:52

It blurs the vision if sprayed in eyes and causes disorientation so can be used to prevent an attack by giving victim time to get away.
According to that AskthePolice sight, if it is used deliberately spray someone's eyes i becomes an offensive weapon. If the woman had deliberately sprayed the OP's DH in the eyes she would probably be in real trouble.

StillHungryy · 26/04/2017 19:52

Which doesn't mean it's right it means men are automatically demonises essentially with little to no proof like OPs DH today

Screwinthetuna · 26/04/2017 19:55

I haven't read all 13 pages, did it come off, OP?

I agree that she needs to be reported; she can't be going around potentially blinding innocent men just because she's anxious.

If she's frightned enough to carry a weird spray and be that scared of men that she's using the spray on men who jog behind her, why the hell is she jogging alone or in a place where she doesn't feel safe?? That's like being afraid of dogs but going to a dog park alone and carrying a baseball bat and walloping every dog who comes next to you.

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