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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH has been sprayed with red dye!

767 replies

Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 17:00

This morning DH was running along the Thames towpath as he often does. He was running quite fast as he's training. There is an area where the path narrows a bit and he had caught up and was running behind a woman. He thought she moved to one side to let him pass, so he ran up behind her, at which point she screamed and suddenly sprayed him with a spray! Most of it got on his t-shirt but some of it also also got on his neck and lower face, though he didn't realise at the time. She screamed at him to get away from her and then ran back the other way. He was saying to her, "It's ok" etc, but he said she was so freaked out and looked so terrified he didn't try and follow her.
Now he has a zig-zag pattern of red up his neck and on the left side if his face and it really won't come off. He went into work and someone told him its probably a dye that the police use to mark criminals! I looked on google and it looks as if you can buy a red spray dye that won't wash off for 7 days! If it's this, it's a nightmare as he has to go to China on business tomorrow.
DH feels bad that she was so scared and her reaction actually scared him. He thinks maybe he should have held back, but he thought she was letting him overtake her. I think her reaction was a bit extreme though -AIBU? I run down that path frequently (although not at 6.30am) and I have never heard of anything like this.

OP posts:

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 18:40

AsthmaQ

actually, some sound alarms are really loud...

It's also better to use a sound alarm if somebody is easily scared/frightened instead of ending up spraying random people.

Had she had a sound alarm the OP's husband may have been a bit surprised by the loud sounds but could have continued his day and business trip without actually being assaulted...

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 18:40

If she's that scared I suggest she carries angle wings or something similar with her.

So, does she wait until he's strangled her, or until his penis is 1cm inside her, or until he's got the spray out of her hands?

Curious. The point of the spray is to prevent an attack.

Laniakea · 26/04/2017 18:40

Individual men might feel offended be assaulted

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 18:41

This time for whatever reason, he didn't display his usual sensitivity

He thought she moved to the side to let him past

Collaborate · 26/04/2017 18:41

The OP has confirmed that her husband would usually be alert to a woman's concerns. This time for whatever reason, he didn't display his usual sensitivity. That's a luxury that the woman didn't have. Women don't ever get a pass for letting their guard down. In this instance he ended up confused, inconvenienced and no doubt embarrassed. She ended up terrified.Women merit special consideration because of the sheer extent of the violence committed against them by men. That isn't special treatment, it's fairness. Individual men might feel offended by that but that's the price they need to pay as members of society to ensure that women are protected. Being offended is a lesser price to pay than being attacked.

Great example of victim blaming there Blistory

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 18:42

The point of the spray is to prevent an attack.

Not to spray innocent runners.

StillHungryy · 26/04/2017 18:43

Thing is if she didn't know it was a man as I think had been suggested, then it could have been a woman so the " what if she was raped" reasoning doesn't work, she randomly just attacked a person with red dye

usernumbernine · 26/04/2017 18:43

Blistory that is an absolutely shocking piece of victim blaming. The OPs husband was the one who was assaulted. You should be ashamed of yourself.

NightWanderer · 26/04/2017 18:43

But why not just carry a rape alarm instead? I have an alarm which I use on the rare occasions that I go jogging a night. It makes a hell of a noise and would be much more effective I think in deterring an attack.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 18:43

Asthma The point of the spray is to prevent an attack.

But there was no attack! She ended up assaulting an innocent jogger.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 18:44

Night

it's apparently a ridiculous suggestion... I'm not sure why...

Asthma, why are you against sound alarms?

DimplesToadfoot · 26/04/2017 18:45

I'm trying to think of all the things I use to remove stains you could try

Whitening toothpaste
biological washing powder
nail polish remover 1 with acetone 1 without
WD40 or does that just remove chewing gum from hair
perfume
aftershave
lemon juice

I'm sure there is more ..

KurriKurri · 26/04/2017 18:46

Presumably having been assaulted the OP's husband is now entitled to punch every woman he passes in the face, lest she is a sprayer, because, you know, a minority women randomly spray men so it's OK.

Does the definition of self defense now have to be expanded to include 'It's OK to attack people who are the same sex as people who have in the past attacked others'

It's the same underlying unfounded fear that makes people burn mosques after a terrorist attack. It is based on imagining danger by extrapolating from the specific to the general.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 26/04/2017 18:46

Absolutely correct about the keys thing not being an offensive weapon : I thought that at the time. Nothing you would normally and reasonably carry can be classified in that way.

It's why builders etc need to carry blades and screwdrivers in cases. Not allowed to carry them around in pockets..

Police say do NOT carry a screwdriver or blade in your handbag in case of attack. Carry keys between your fingers if concerned , or your phone in your hand so you can hit or throw it.

I guess the spray is the same but it does seem open to abuse/ misuse/panicked use/ use by pranksters.

OP, I did wonder about the questioning in the airport bit, must admit!

Megbert · 26/04/2017 18:46

In this instance he ended up confused, inconvenienced and no doubt embarrassed. She ended up terrified.

That is conveniently minimising language you are using to describe how OP's husband feels about this whole thing.

I would find being sprayed in this way by a stranger terrifying. It could have been anything.

CanadianJohn · 26/04/2017 18:47

When I went jogging, I used to call out "coming thru" when approaching someone from behind. Other runners did the same to me, but I was always startled anyway. My wife says I startle easily.

BadKnee · 26/04/2017 18:47

It's a towpath!!! Of course he wasn't 30ft away.

He is the victim. (If it had been your teen DD who'd been sprayed by the madwoman???)

I was once almost attacked by a woman as I overtook her in the more deserted bits of the National Theatre -(all echoing concrete spaces). As a I gained on her she suddenly turned to face me with something in her hand. Then with huge relief said "Oh, I thought you were a man!"

I would be wary of reporting to the police as there are people who think like some on here that any man is by default a rapist. Tricky one OP.

Blistory · 26/04/2017 18:49

Did anyone read the link I posted up thread about the woman who was attacked ? Let me post a bit

A woman jogging on a footpath near a racetrack has been raped in what police have called a "horrific" attack. Police said the 32-year-old was punched in the face and knocked to the ground before being sexually assaulted at about 21:00 on Tuesday in West Lothian.The attack took place on a popular path in woodland next to the A89, east of the Armadale Speedway racetrack.

At what point exactly should she have recognised that he was an attacker and not simply a fellow jogger ? Or perhaps she should have stayed home. How should women deal with these situations ? Should they prioritise their safety or the egos of men ?

And as for me victim blaming ? He got a bit of paint on him. It shouldn't have happened and it's not nice but let's keep some perspective on the respective risks that they both faced.

Original poster

Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 18:50

Thankyou so much. I phoned the police station and got the details of the PC I spoke to. He said DH will need to make a statement as I wasn't there, but they have no reports of incidents in this area today and not to worry, he can go tomorrow morning.
Now I feel awful because will this go on file? He said, they have quite a few reports of misuse of this spray, but usually its teenagers. I feel stupid now that I didn't think to report it earlier. I think DH was in a bit of shock and he was presenting this morning. I still can't get hold of him.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 26/04/2017 18:51

I just don't get some of the attitudes on here.

Basically no man can go out for a run without being at risk of being labelled an attacker and then attacked himself and so many think that's fine?

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/04/2017 18:51

Asthma, this may be the first time that she has sprayed someone. Your logic is that her fear justifies her use of the spray. So next time and everytime she she feels frightened she should use the spray again?

HappyFlappy · 26/04/2017 18:52

She's running alone early in the morning which she's perfectly entitled to do

THIS ^

If she had (say) been wearing revealing clothing and had been assaulted, the same people who say eps shouldn't be running in the early hours would be defending her right tower what she liked!

I don't think for a moment that OP's DH was behaving inappropriately - I think that this has been an unfortunate reaction by a nervous woman who has heard threatening footsteps approaching her at speed.

As her reaction seems very extreme - screaming and terrified - it may be that se has suffered a previous assault and is trying to build up her courage again. It's pretty awful for your husband, but I really don't think she's done anything to be castigated for - except perhaps she should have stopped and turned round to the person coming up behind her and waited a little to see if he was going past her or really was a threat - but maybe her "fight/flight/freeze" reaction just kicked in.

It may be an idea to report it on a nn0emergency number, just in case, as others have said, the woman has reported it as an attempted assault.

She thought she was defending herself. She made a mistake.

It's nobody's fault. Just a very unfortunate incident.

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 18:52

Asthma, why are you against sound alarms?

Please point out where I have said this.

usernumbernine · 26/04/2017 18:53

He was assaulted.

He is the victim.

It is not his fault.

It is not about respective risks.

You are shocking Blistory. I am astounded at your cognitive gymnastics so as not to blame a woman for an assault on a man.

It makes me despair of this place sometimes.

Laniakea · 26/04/2017 18:53

only one person was attacked during this encounter - it wasn't the woman involved.

Blistory at what point is it okay to assault someone just in case they are a rapist?

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