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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH has been sprayed with red dye!

767 replies

Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 17:00

This morning DH was running along the Thames towpath as he often does. He was running quite fast as he's training. There is an area where the path narrows a bit and he had caught up and was running behind a woman. He thought she moved to one side to let him pass, so he ran up behind her, at which point she screamed and suddenly sprayed him with a spray! Most of it got on his t-shirt but some of it also also got on his neck and lower face, though he didn't realise at the time. She screamed at him to get away from her and then ran back the other way. He was saying to her, "It's ok" etc, but he said she was so freaked out and looked so terrified he didn't try and follow her.
Now he has a zig-zag pattern of red up his neck and on the left side if his face and it really won't come off. He went into work and someone told him its probably a dye that the police use to mark criminals! I looked on google and it looks as if you can buy a red spray dye that won't wash off for 7 days! If it's this, it's a nightmare as he has to go to China on business tomorrow.
DH feels bad that she was so scared and her reaction actually scared him. He thinks maybe he should have held back, but he thought she was letting him overtake her. I think her reaction was a bit extreme though -AIBU? I run down that path frequently (although not at 6.30am) and I have never heard of anything like this.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 26/04/2017 18:53

He is also perfectly entitled to run alone in the morning without being attacked. It works both ways surely?

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/04/2017 18:54

He got a bit of paint on him.
minimising again

LostMySanityCanIBorrowYours · 26/04/2017 18:54

She should have waited until he attempted to attack her before spraying him.

Surely that is the normal response?

If he'd lunged at her she would have been well within her rights to spray him. He didn't, he ran past her. She attacked him with red dye.

HappyFlappy · 26/04/2017 18:55

If you're that scared of strangers, . . . carry a knife

Excellent suggestion Saucy.

That will really reduce the likelihood of accidental serious injuries.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 18:55

Asthma

Then what is your issue with my comment and why did you feel to quote parts of it twice? And apparently (not...?) disagree with it?

Hulababy · 26/04/2017 18:55

He got a bit of paint on him.

No! He has been assaulted. Do not diminish what happened. Why should he now have the unpleasantness of being covered in a red dye when he has to face work meetings, flying abroad, being out and about, etc?

The man did nothing wrong. He simply ran past another person on a towpath. Wy should he have someone spray something at him - don't forget he had no idea what is was, and it is intended to temporarily disorientate, confuse and also cause blurred vision.

If it was me having an unknown chemical sprayed in my face I would be the one scared and concerned. You hear about acid attacks and things - he wouldn't have had a clue what was going on immediately, could have been anything.

In this scenario the man is the victim and the woman is the attacker. She assaulted him.

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 26/04/2017 18:55

Still You've been lucky with regards the speed of your treatment. Many people haven't, me included, and I had to wait 8 months after an overdose. Stating that you found the time frame strange was insensitive to say the least. So yes, your post did sound like you were bragging. And, as someone who has obviously had similar MH issues as you, I'm not even going to respond to the last part of your post.

StillHungryy · 26/04/2017 18:55

But blistory some are advocating knifes and other weapons, it's not men's egos it could be there lives. Even so why should innocent men be attacked when there was no evidence he was any danger to her?

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 18:55

Mojit0 No it won't go on his file unless he is charged with an offence. That's how I understand it anyway.

Blistory · 26/04/2017 18:56

DH feels bad that she was so scared and her reaction actually scared him. He thinks maybe he should have held back, but he thought she was letting him overtake her

He feels very bad about it and normally does give women their space. Sometimes he crosses the road so as not to be "following" them in the street at night. He kind of in a rush this morning as he needed to get home and then into work early.

The comments above are from the OP as to how her husband feels. He seems to have more compassion than many on this thread and don't really support the notion that he's been overly traumatised by the event.

Hulababy · 26/04/2017 18:57

She's running alone early in the morning which she's perfectly entitled to do

Of course she is.

However she is NOT entitled to spray a random passerby with red dye.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/04/2017 18:57

Blistory

Maybe he has made up the same sort of backstory that you (and others) have.

Sirzy · 26/04/2017 18:58

Those comments simply show he was feeling guilty when he had no need to.

I dread to think how she would have reacted if he had stayed behind her and she had got into her head she was being followed!

usernumbernine · 26/04/2017 18:58

It's not just a bit of paint. It's spray that marks him as an attempted criminal when he did nothing. Plus it doesn't wash off like paint would

don't be so minimising.

StillHungryy · 26/04/2017 18:58

But isn't it a,of natural for those that have been attacked to believe that it's their fault they were attacked and try to reason " if I hadn't done X it wouldn't have happened"

Flugelpip · 26/04/2017 18:59

Good grief. This is ludicrous. You can feel empathy for someone's anxiety, you can share their fear of strange men in public places, you can have had the horrible experience of being sexually assaulted in public (I have had this happen to me). You CANNOT justify someone spraying a passerby who has had NO interaction with her whatsoever by the account of the OP's husband, true, but I'm a little shocked at the Line of Duty watchers who assume he did something wrong. It's not self-defence. It is assault. It is unreasonable behaviour at the very least. NO ONE is unsympathetic to women who fear for their safety. Being part of society, unfortunately, means that you have to take (small, calculated) risks with your safety or lead a cloistered life. Men are frequently victims of violence on nights out. Women get assaulted, horribly, in public places. That doesn't mean either men or women should not go out and be in public spaces. The fault lies with the perpetrator of those attacks, not the victim, but you cannot legally assault someone in self defence when you are not under attack. That's it. Otherwise life in London would be like a Korean revenge flick.

SherbrookeFosterer · 26/04/2017 18:59

He might consider a body cam, just to protect himself.

I hope he doesn't lose his confidence to jog along the Thames or sees her again.

Blistory · 26/04/2017 19:02

Is anyone willing to have a discussion about what the difference is between these two women - the one the OP is talking about and the one who was raped - and as to at what point the OP's woman should have known that the husband wasn't a rapist and at what point the one who was raped shoud have know that the man who came up to her was a rapist ?

And what should either woman have done differently ?

usernumbernine · 26/04/2017 19:03

No because the woman who was raped doesnt exist. The OP husband did not rape anyone and he was assaulted.

Sirzy · 26/04/2017 19:04

So blistory your basically saying any man attacked by a woman deserves it on the off chance he may attack her? Double standards much?

Goldfishjane · 26/04/2017 19:04

I can imagine your DH is very upset and shocked.

A pp said life in London would be a revenge flick if we all did this. It's true. I have friends who run along the tow path early and late, I'll warn them about this. If he had shouted out it wouldn't have helped, she'd have done it anyway I reckon.

IJustLostTheGame · 26/04/2017 19:05

I don't understand why she didn't turn around to see who was following her.
This could have been completely avoided.
I turn around if someone's behind me and clock them. She could've just thought 'probably a fellow runner', moved to let him past and if she was frightened had her hand in her pocket ready.
Your poor DH op, what a horrid thing to happen to him

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 19:05

So, if the op's DH was to push out with his arms next time he thinks a woman might be going to spray him and she gets pushed over, that would be OK because he though she might be going to attack him?

LostMySanityCanIBorrowYours · 26/04/2017 19:07

She should have realised he was not a rapist when he ran past her, making no effort to rape her, is that not obvious?

The woman in the article did nothing wrong. (That I did not read)

What should have been done differently? The perpetrators should not have committed their crimes.

OP's husband's attacker should not have attacked him. The woman from the article's rapist should not have raped her.

StillHungryy · 26/04/2017 19:07

Well arguably Blistory for it to be self defence, then something would have had to happen to her or for her to believe something was going to happen at least. I can't talk about the woman in the report you've linked and to be honest I feel like you're waiting for someone to use slightly the wrong language so you can talk about victim blaming so I'm not going to bother when I feel it's a trick, but for the woman in the OP I don't think someone running past you in a popular running spot is cause to think that self defence is needed.