Niece is 16 and going out with a 20 yr old. AIBU to be concerned?

[YoJesse]

My niece is 16. A really sweet girl who is doing well in school and is bright and popular. She's started seeing a guy who's 20 almost 21. I've met him a few times and he seems nice, works full time and I think treats her well. I don't know if they're having sex yet and don't want to push her away by asking.

He's also a bit of a party guy according to some people (small town gossip grin) but nothing really bad.

I look out for her and I just feel a bit concerned with the age gap. She's not very experienced and is mature in some ways but I think quite naive in others. She's planning to study at uni next year and I don't want anything to put her off. When I was her age I was hanging out with older blokes, bunking off, drinking etc and I don't want her to mess up like I did. Her mum (my sister) has asked me what I think and I honestly don't know?

Would it bother you and what, if anything should I say or do?

I started going out with a nearly 20 year old when I was just 16. He was lovely. I didn't go off the rails or fail my exams etc. We were together for 3 years until I had my head turned by a complete bastard at university.

OP mentions A levels so the 16 year old must be nearly 17 and at 6th form rather than school.

DS16 and his GF17 are planning to go to uni in the same city.

I can't see how any of the issues you mention are related to age - DN could just as easily be doing all of this with friends or a 17 year old boyfriend.

I work in FE/HE and there are plenty of 20 year olds who are far less mature than your average 16/17 year old A level student.

At 16 I met my now dh, he was 22. It's been 10 years and I can't honestly say I've met anyone more wonderful.

I've always felt loved and respected and now at 26 and 32 no-one bats an eyelid about 6 years.

16 in year 12 is quite different to 16 in year 11 as we will be nearly 17 and probably most of her friends are already that age. The gap between 17 and 20 doesn't seem that huge. Either way, I don't think there is much that can be done about it apart from making sure she is using reliable contraception.

we will be nearly 17 she will be nearly 17

I don't think it's much of an age gap. 10+ years is a bit creepy when the younger party is a teenager. 4 years isn't that significant.

She'll tire of him eventually anyway. Statistically speaking. Or she may not! Her choice though.

The 16 year old girl is probably just as mature as the 20 year old boyfriend 4years is no age gap tbh.

I was the parent of the older partner and was,horrified my ds was seeing a much younger girl (17 and 22). Ten years ( girl went to uni ) and a wedding later and I think they are the perfect match . I think it depends on the couple if the relationship is a positive or negative thing .

My sister met her first proper boyfriend when she was 16 an and he was (I think) 25. Our parents were a bit surprised by the age gap initially, but they were never uptight and did not stand in their way, trusting DSis to be responsible and grown-up. She did go to college but not uni. I doubt this had anything to do with her boyfriend, but it it did then so what? She ended up with a very well-paid job and was earning far more than me until we were well into our thirties, when I think we finally levelled out.

Anyway, my sister's older boyfriend is now her husband. He's a lovely guy...I adore him like a brother. They have 2 children and nobody even thinks about the age gap. He's older than me and I am 2 years older than my sister but to be honest I just see all of us as being the same!

It is lovely that you are concerned for your niece, OP, and you sound like a brilliant auntie. But I really wouldn't worry.