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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be batshit cross that my dc has had to sign a contract saying he will play with a child at school?

503 replies

GibbonMinstrel · 25/04/2017 16:00

There's a long history.

My ds is shy, geeky. Knows what he likes -very academic/not great socially There's a bulldozer child who is his opposite. Alpha mum, jazz hands, sporty, darling-darling who is related to a staff member.

This other child has worked his way through his class bullying kids, controlling stuff and really wrecking friendships. My ds just doesn't get on with this kind of person. He reads during a lot of breaks (TA is a friend and has told me) and the other child has been taking,kicking and removing his books. It all came to a head last Friday when my DS reacted and screamed and the child to leave him alone and walked away.

The other kid went into meltdown- involved the headteacher (yes really) and between them they decided the best solution would be to contractually oblige my kid(nobody else's) to play for three set days with him.

Dh drafted up a contract yesterday for the HT to come to every single weekend BBQ over the summer and asked her to sign it and he was told not to be so ridiculous (hmm really)

The contract was enforced today and I've just collected DS from school in bits saying he doesn't want to go back.

Is this completely batshit or have I entered a twilight zone.

Sorry to be so ranty. I'm so cross!

OP posts:
Fragglez · 26/04/2017 14:46

The bully said 'make him play with me' so they did?!

Good God, they actually ARE on glue!

GeekLove · 26/04/2017 14:48

And this is why the lack of accountability for Academies is so dangerous. It is a very poor idea to take power away from the teachers.
It seems that people have forgotten that the most important people in the schools are the children and teachers not shareholders or CEOs.

TheRealPooTroll · 26/04/2017 14:49

I'm not sure I follow. I was asking what exactly the HT's rational is. Surely she hasn't said 'I'm going to force your ds to play with his bully' as that's not a position she is ever going to be able to defend. Does she feel that they just don't get along rather than there being a perpetrator and victim and that time together might help? I don't agree with that btw but she must have given some kind of reason for her actions that wasn't 'I'm going to collude in bullying your son'.

GeekLove · 26/04/2017 14:53

I really wish when it comes to children bullying that the focus is more on leaving each other alone than being 'friends'. It is possible given lessons or extra-curricular activities that they might come into contact but surely it is better to cultivate indifference rather than force a non-existent friendship.
Surely it is better to learn to tolerate and coexist rather than be made to feel you have to be friends to anyone.

However, it looks like your son has a good grounding in friendship quality control.

Jaysis · 26/04/2017 14:53

Head teacher's been sniffing the tippex.

Original poster
GibbonMinstrel · 26/04/2017 14:54

Head teacher has stressed we are an inclusive school. My ds's behaviour was unacceptable Grin he cannot tell another child they cannot play with him. They also don't think it's "healthy" for him to read during break.

They also have a "no shouting" school policy. HmmNot to worry I've already made a copy of all the other policies and have been making good use for the girls 533 highlighter pens from Smiggle that have never been touched.

Yes that is a grin there.

OP posts:
amusedbush · 26/04/2017 15:00

It's not healthy for a child to read in his free time? What bollocks is this??

floraeasy · 26/04/2017 15:01

I have no children and have nothing whatsoever helpful to add.

All I can say is, I take my hat off to you parents who have to negotiate all the crazy BS that goes on nowadays. I really don't think I could have coped with it all. I am Shock at this!

I hope you stick that contract where the sun don't shine, OP!

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 26/04/2017 15:02

Good grief, she's on something stronger than glue.

That is madness.

Keep working on your inner tigress OP - you're doing a grand job.

onalongsabbatical · 26/04/2017 15:03

They don't think it's healthy for him to read during break? WTAF!
Are they hoping to turn out a generation of over-confident thugs? Do they think that's the future?
I seriously worry for the future of education if any school anywhere can be so completely bonkers as to say that.

BuckinghamLass · 26/04/2017 15:05

This is all batshit. I hope you get it resolved.

Not healthy to read during break?! Hmm

Goingtobeawesome · 26/04/2017 15:06

My child was bullied and it ended so badly the police were involved. Bully stayed at the school. Mine was taught at home. Bully gone to new school. Is being bullied. Parent all over social media saying this is terrible and the school should be doing something about it.

No one else has ever stood up to the school, four other kids left the school due to him, but no one could do anything as the school always sided with the bully.

Good luck OP.

GeekLove · 26/04/2017 15:10

If the HT was a child in the 90s perhaps all that Magic Marker and glue huffing as a teen is coming home to roost...

Laughing about being an antisocial reader! If I'd been to that school it would have been detentions all the way with my filthy antisocial lunchtime reading habit!

Madammim17 · 26/04/2017 15:11

My mouth is hanging open in shock at reading this. I'm an independent needs assistant, previously a teaching assistant, and I've seen senior staff go to ridiculous lengths when dealing with bullies or unruly children that myself and other staff members have disagreed with, but I've never hesrd of anything as appalling as this. Not healthy to read at lunchtime?! FORCING a child to play with another child who is clearly unable to behave decently and making your son sign a contract?! OP, you're a much bigger person than me because I don't think I'd even keep half as cool as you are, but good on you for how you are dealing with this. You're following all the correct procedures and I really hope you get the result your DS deserves. Absolutely shocking behaviour, any headteacher like that shouldn't be working with children in my opinion.

I'm all for encouraging children to get on, play nicely etc but children also need to know that it's okay to say no or that they don't have to socialise with people they don't like or those that make them unhappy; forcing kids to play together like this is just utter madness!

JayZed · 26/04/2017 15:12

Fuck glue, the woman has clearly been licking psychedelic frogs! No words just good luck

PollytheDolly · 26/04/2017 15:20

What the f@ck?!

Contract is as legal as bog roll as a document.

Is it written on Izal?

Hope they see sense. Good luck!

BertsBlanket · 26/04/2017 15:22

That sounds like total bluffing and diversion tactics on the part of the HT - not wanting to admit handling in wrong in the first place so fronting it out in the hope you'll roll over.

WonderMike · 26/04/2017 15:23

he cannot tell another child they cannot play with him

Firstly, change the word play in there for hit, kiss - why isn't he allowed to make that choice?

Secondly, would he be allowed to demand a child played with him? Can he determine exactly what he wants to do with that child expect reading clearly, that's for nasty bully boys look where reading gets you even if that child disagrees?

And don't get me started on the banning reading. Banning reading in a school

onalongsabbatical · 26/04/2017 15:25

Banning reading in a school Exactly, WonderMike Grin

Topseyt · 26/04/2017 15:29

Bloody hell. It gets better/worse (whichever you prefer) the more you get updates.

The bully wanted the contract, to make his victim play with him. The headteacher said yes!! Bully has this poor excuse for a headteacher all sussed out, doesn't he!?

I am trying to decide whether the headteacher is actually running this school or the bully is.

Why the fuck is there anything wrong with your DS wanting to just read quietly during his break. Sometimes my DD1 did that when she was at primary school. She has always been a bit bookish. School never seemed to consider it a problem.

mateysmum · 26/04/2017 15:33

This gets worse. If your DS contravened some minor school rule about not shouting, the solution would be to remind him of the rule, but to understand why he did what he did, not to just ignore the provocation and make your poor DS into the agressor.
What's all this bollocks about "inclusiveness" and not being able to choose your playmates; including being forced to play with your bully.I'd laugh it it wasn't so deadly serious.
My DS was badly bullied 10 years ago. As a young man, he still suffers from the effects and finds it hard to make friends and trust people.
Goon on you for sticking up for your DS. Flowers

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 26/04/2017 15:34

My ds's behaviour was unacceptable Grin he cannot tell another child they cannot play with him. They also don't think it's "healthy" for him to read during break. They also have a "no shouting" school policy.

Kicking someone and snatching their book however is perfectly ok. Confused

Seriously, the HT thinks it's not ok for children to decline to play with someone who is repeatedly unkind to them? He must play with whoever orders him to? Shock Yes definitely to the poster who said replace play with 'kiss' or 'touch'. And it's his break time, the clue is in the word 'break' - he spends it how he wants! I know children that staff might encourage to social activities, or might set up social activities to help them make friendships if they thought the child needed it, but never just banning books!

Time to interview some local schools with places, you're really not going to have to look hard to find saner better ones.

mateysmum · 26/04/2017 15:34

GOOD on you !! - not goon!

Topseyt · 26/04/2017 15:35

Actually, I can answer my own question there.

Bully is in charge at that school because the headteacher is wetter than a long drink of water.

mikeyssister · 26/04/2017 15:41

I remember years ago a friend's child was told she had to play with another child. She refused and was going to be disciplined by the school for bullying.

Unbelievable really, but much more common that I ever expected.