To be batshit cross that my dc has had to sign a contract saying he will play with a child at school?

[GibbonMinstrel]

There's a long history.

My ds is shy, geeky. Knows what he likes -very academic/not great socially There's a bulldozer child who is his opposite. Alpha mum, jazz hands, sporty, darling-darling who is related to a staff member.

This other child has worked his way through his class bullying kids, controlling stuff and really wrecking friendships. My ds just doesn't get on with this kind of person. He reads during a lot of breaks (TA is a friend and has told me) and the other child has been taking,kicking and removing his books. It all came to a head last Friday when my DS reacted and screamed and the child to leave him alone and walked away.

The other kid went into meltdown- involved the headteacher (yes really) and between them they decided the best solution would be to contractually oblige my kid(nobody else's) to play for three set days with him.

Dh drafted up a contract yesterday for the HT to come to every single weekend BBQ over the summer and asked her to sign it and he was told not to be so ridiculous (hmm really)

The contract was enforced today and I've just collected DS from school in bits saying he doesn't want to go back.

Is this completely batshit or have I entered a twilight zone.

Sorry to be so ranty. I'm so cross!

confuugled1's advice is really good.

With these situations, it's really important to get everything in writing. Everything. Then they can't wriggle out of it and say they didn't understand or they don't remember or you didn't really say that.

What an absurd thing to do. I'm assuming this is a primary school. I've been a TA and previously a teacher for many years and I, nor any colleague I've had, would suggest making two children play together who clearly don't get along. I might look at strategies to help them deal with each other but force them to play together? No way.
I'm guessing the other child had no friends (because of the bullying) and is manipulating the school and his parents to feel sorry for him. He's convinced them the Op's child would make a nice new bff for him.
Ignore this stupid contract and tell your child he doesn't have to play with anyone he doesn't want to.

Your poor son - that is horribly unfair.

When I went on a week long residential field trip from primary school (this was a looong time ago) I was made to share a room with the one girl nobody liked or got on with very well because I was "the quiet one" and didn't have any obvious friends.

It was horrible.

Nothing useful to add, but I hope you get it sorted quickly.

I have never heard of anything like this ever, anywhere I have worked. It just seems unbelievable.

Thanks Barbie that actually makes me feel better because yesterday it felt like I was the mad one.

Ds didn't sleep. Not a wink I was telling his hair and talking about 1980s Foreign football strikers to try to get him to chill, did the trick for about 30 minutes at a time. We're both shattered.

I've told them that unless they can provide me with a detailed plan of action that my Child will not attend school as I'm concerned for his mental and physical wellbeing. I await a message from the local welfare officer.

And yes I was able to add specific dates and times of stuff the other child has hurt mine.

Head of the Governors has been emailed too.

Let me get this straight.

Child harasses other child. Apparently unimpeded, no adult appears to notice or address this with either child.

Harassed child finally explodes and tells - TELLS, verbally, screaming it since no other attempt to communicate has worked - the other child to back off.

The child doing the harassing - which is bullying - has a meltdown that his behaviour actually has a consequence and how dare someone scream at him upsettingly for relentlessly bullying another child to the point of them exploding?

Head teacher rushes to the rescue of the bullying child because they're upset, and not only affirms his right to bully away without the other child being allowed to resist him - being resisted or challenged is clearly far too upsetting for a poor bully to have to face - but that the bullied child must sign a commitment to expose himself to the bully and do as bully says for three days without right to refuse. In fact bullied child is punished for resisting bullying and adults enforce co operation with being bullied nicely.

What the actual fuck kind of behaviour management is this? What messages does this involve? My suspicion is "quiet and easy to manage kids, please don't upset our difficult to manage and challenging kids, they're hard work for us when they're upset and we can't be buggered to teach social skills and actually manage behaviour and stuff. Give them whatever they want and please keep your misery to yourself, there'll be penalties if you don't."

I'm a teacher and I'd go nuts if this child was in my class. If it was my own child then I'd take my child out of that school until the contract is destroyed in front of both kids involved with clear explanations as to why, and go straight to the governors and make serious warnings about this going to Ofsted if people don't actually engage their brains and address this properly. I would also seriously consider changing schools. That's unbelievably weak leadership, irresponsibility and poor practice coming right from the top, and there's a limit to how fixable that is.

Cross post, sorry.

Very well done OP.

Gibbon - you are definitely not going mad - I am fuming on your behalf! How dare they! Your poor Ds. I bet he's so pleased and reassured that you are sticking up for him - well done

Terrible! Hope you get it sorted.

I'm so glad you've involved the Governors as it doesn't sound like you're going to get very far with a Head who is so ridiculous

Hope your DS is as ok as he can be

My top tip is take your DS to the GP ideally a nice friendly one. This is a mental health issue. My GP made time for my DD to see her for quite a long chat when she was having issues with school. It will strengthen your case.

And communicate with the school in writing - emails are fine but make sure there is a paper trail. Email to confirm the details of any "chats" or phone calls. And I'd also start keeping a diary.
Is your DS in year 5 or 6? If he is off to secondary soon, I would probably contact their SENCO or person responsible for transition.

Watching this with great interest and concern. Poor boy - you must both be shattered after not sleeping, on top of it all. I hope you get some peace and enjoyment from being at home - are you having to take time off work or are you a SAHM?
for how you're handling it. Please let us know what's going on! Huge support from me!

Hope you hear back from the school with some positive news soon.

Your poor son :(

Hi Sabbatical- I'm feeling so lucky that I work from home !

He's currently helping me with a project for which he will get wages for. He's delighted and spreadsheets aren't my thing -he's having a very good day
I plan to take him somewhere nice tomorrow.

No word from the school. I might get collared at collection time though.

They will respond, I am sure. Keeping him home should take care of that as it will rent their precious attendance figures for Ofsted. In addition to that, your correspondence with them so far will be creating a paper trail that will show, to anyone with an ounce of common sense, that this is in fact the school's own fault for having such a ridiculous policy and spectacularly failing to keep your DS safe.

I have to say though, the headteacher does seem to be rather lacking in the common sense department. I wonder if she somehow views this bullshit policy as "innovative", which it certainly isn't.

Dent, not rent. Stupid autocorrect!

Sorry if you've answered and I've missed this but is this a state school in England? I've never heard of such madness, have you tried to speak directly to the HT today?

Has the head teacher actually accepted that this other boy is bullying your son or does she see it as 6 of 1 half a dozen of the other? The contract thing is madness regardless as if they don't get along they van just keep away from each other. But surely her explanation wasn't that she was going to force your ds to play with his bully as she'd know there would be no way she could justify that.

Gibbon so glad you're having a good time together. It will help heal his little heart. Wretched school!

Realpoo

We're not a vocal family our heads are firmly under the parapet

This child, no exaggeration has taken a number of years to get to us. Ds is an avid rule abider- this stupid contract idea, well they didn't think it would get back to me did they- it was the idea of the bully. Yes. It's gets better the more I hear.

School is in the U.K.

School is an academy.

Wow that is a gobsmackingly shit response to a child bullying another! What is that HT thinking fgs! Your poor son. Obviously most children would take this seriously and not go against something that a teacher tells them to do. My DS can be argumentative and stubborn at home but in school, if a teacher tells him to do something, it's quick, head down, do it now. A lot of children will be like this a basically bullying a child to sign something is disgraceful.

This was suggested by the bully and the school went "oh yes Bully, what a brilliant idea, let's do that" ffs. How wet are they.

@GibbonMinstrel - you are a total star for backing up your son so clearly and firmly. He will always remember how younhad his back, and it will probably make it easier for him to heal from this.

I am appalled at how the school has dealt with this - it is wholly inappropriate, and an abdication of every single responsibility they have towards your son.