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Original poster

To be batshit cross that my dc has had to sign a contract saying he will play with a child at school?

503 replies

GibbonMinstrel · 25/04/2017 16:00

There's a long history.

My ds is shy, geeky. Knows what he likes -very academic/not great socially There's a bulldozer child who is his opposite. Alpha mum, jazz hands, sporty, darling-darling who is related to a staff member.

This other child has worked his way through his class bullying kids, controlling stuff and really wrecking friendships. My ds just doesn't get on with this kind of person. He reads during a lot of breaks (TA is a friend and has told me) and the other child has been taking,kicking and removing his books. It all came to a head last Friday when my DS reacted and screamed and the child to leave him alone and walked away.

The other kid went into meltdown- involved the headteacher (yes really) and between them they decided the best solution would be to contractually oblige my kid(nobody else's) to play for three set days with him.

Dh drafted up a contract yesterday for the HT to come to every single weekend BBQ over the summer and asked her to sign it and he was told not to be so ridiculous (hmm really)

The contract was enforced today and I've just collected DS from school in bits saying he doesn't want to go back.

Is this completely batshit or have I entered a twilight zone.

Sorry to be so ranty. I'm so cross!

OP posts:
FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 15:42

They made a child sign a contract? Without parental consent? Expect the child to comply?
Good lord. Yes, definitely straight to the governors.
Plus, ofsted...

And I agree, I don't think he should go to school until this is sorted.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 15:47

*a contract..

Well, something.

FaithAgain · 26/04/2017 15:49

Just...wow. This is horrifying. As someone who was bullied at primary school and despite telling my parents nothing was ever done about it I just wanted to applaud you Gibbon for standing up for your DS. I hope you get the situation resolved quickly.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 15:49

Anyhow, years ago a friend of mine was pursued by a boy. She wasn't interested in any way and he got a bit stroppy. She didn't like him... The teacher told her to give him a chance, play with him, paired them up during group stuff.

So, I guess I'm unfortunately not really surprised... I hope this gets sorted.

(btw, what is a Jazz hands mum?)

AmeliaLion · 26/04/2017 15:50

Your DS can tell other children he doesn't want to play with them. What they mean is "we really don't want him to because the other child becomes a pain in the backside for the adults to deal with."

Reading at break is perfectly healthy. What they mean is "it isn't the same as the other children. He must conform to societal norms."

By "inclusive" they mean "no minimum standards of behaviour and/or no medium or long term consequences for poor behaviour".

A "no shouting ever, regardless of provocation" rule is just stupid.

Janey50 · 26/04/2017 15:58

If this was my child,I would seriously be considering removing them.

HashiAsLarry · 26/04/2017 15:59

The headteacher is on something a lot stronger than glue Confused

Ceto · 26/04/2017 16:05

School is an academy.

Why does that not surprise me? It always seems to be academies who come up with the most batshit rules. Essentially they tend to want an easy life, and if it makes life easier for them to force the victims to play with kids who are bullying them, then that is what they will do.

Expect the next move to be "If you don't like the way we run things, feel free to move your child to another school."

Andro · 26/04/2017 16:05

he cannot tell another child they cannot play with him.

Did your ds tell this boy he couldn't sit/stand with him and read? If he didn't, he didn't refuse to play he refused to change his activity - big difference.

They also don't think it's "healthy" for him to read during break.

I thought schools encouraged reading?

They also have a "no shouting" school policy.

A primary school without shouting? How do the children make themselves heard across the pitch during football etc (or are they one of those schools where anything more than a brisk walk is prohibited?).

MycatsaPirate · 26/04/2017 16:07

I am appalled. Utterly appalled. I cannot comprehend that the school think it's ok to force your ds to play with a child who has been bullying him.

And he isn't allowed to say he doesn't want to play with this boy? So in effect this policy of theirs give bullies free rein to pick on whoever they want and then just go whining to the teacher if said child says they want to be left alone?

And reading is not good for him? God, in what world would this be normal coming from a teacher!!

My DD is allowed to stay in and read or draw either playtime or lunchtime every day because she gets overwhelmed easily. It's her time to wind down and regroup. Also they have put her into a playmakers group which has boosted her self esteem massively and it helps that the other kids doing it were all very like her, introverted and not sure of their standing in their peer group. She's 11.

I will be following your progress with interest.

metalmum15 · 26/04/2017 16:10

How awful! I sometimes feel that children of teachers or people working in a school shouldn't attend that particular school, I've heard of many instances where teacher's children have been given preferential treatment over others.

OP, presumably this boy is around the same age as your son so should soon be heading off to secondary school? Assuming no family members work at that one, he may find he takes on more than he can chew when he attempts to start bullying someone there.

Original poster
GibbonMinstrel · 26/04/2017 16:12

Metal
This is exactly the conversations I've been having with my son. The child in question is incredibly charming but his current set up is setting him up to fail massively in his next school. He's in for such a shock.

I cannot move him- waiting lists are as long as your arm. I'd consider HE.

OP posts:
metalmum15 · 26/04/2017 16:15

Gibbon

He's in for such a shock - Well, let's hope so eh? I hope you get things sorted. Is your son year 5 or 6? Hopefully in the next school he will have more chance to stay away from the boy. He sounds a horror.

StarUtopia · 26/04/2017 16:19

I was made to sit next to a sexual pervert (he actually was, ended up in prison for it!) and help him to see the error of his ways.

Little shit.

But that was in 1984.

I would be beyond fuming at this. FFS. You cannot force a child to do something. They should be delighted he loves reading!

HT - meeting. Governors if no joy. Ofsted if no joy.

Complain but be friendly and 'nice' Do not be fuming with the school (if that makes sense) you can say you're fuming but do not go in on the bounce!

EweAreHere · 26/04/2017 16:45

I can't believe you haven't heard from the school yet!

Your email may well have rattled somebody as they try to figure out how to respond.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/04/2017 16:48

Not healthy to read at break time? A school discouraging reading? I am speechless.

The only thing I can think that they are saying - albeit clumsily - is that he may not be getting enough exercise if he spends every break reading - but if he is an introvert, he probably needs that quiet time more than he needs to run around and play football.

Nanny0gg · 26/04/2017 16:48

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/complaints-to-academy-schools/

Complaints to academies don't work quite the same way as State schools.

Oblomov17 · 26/04/2017 16:52

Good god, this is crazy. I can't believe a school tried to get away with this.

MinniesAndMickeysNeedCounting · 26/04/2017 17:05

I don't know the inner working of schools but it wouldn't be enough for me if the school now tore up the contract, this needs taking higher, governors and Ofsted.

Not healthy for a child to read at break wtf

Don't allow shouting but will evidently allow bullying

Forcing children who are not friends to play together

Is the HT or the deputy head the relative?

IloveBanff · 26/04/2017 17:10

Don't governors automatically back up headteachers?

Ev1lEdna · 26/04/2017 17:20

I can't believe this. I was bullied at school and reading at break was a bout the only thing that made break bearable for me - I still read when I need a mental break.

Some people need a different kind of down time and as long as your child isn't actually harming another there is no reason he shouldn't be left alone to read and clear his head. As for being forced to play with someone - that simply isn't on. Three days a week? Ridiculous and grossly unfair on your son.

I'd be tempted to go over the head and complain to someone higher up.

a1poshpaws · 26/04/2017 17:23

No way that can be legal! And your son might benefit from being home schooled? Anyway get yourself up to the school and raise up a storm.

EllenMP · 26/04/2017 17:29

It sounds like they are taking the "let them work it out themselves" approach, which is the lazy-ass cop-out of lazy-ass people, and amounts to a license to bully at will. Bullying is not a friendship problem between two children. It is a problem for one child created by another child. Fobbing the bullied child off with "sort it out yourself" is a dereliction of the teacher's (or headteacher's) duty of care towards your child. And making them sign things is cruel and stupid. I would refuse to send your child back into this situation until the school agrees to deal with this more sensibly. Write to the chair of the board of governors and the head and explain you are keeping your child off school until they come up with a decent strategy to protect him from bullying.

2rebecca · 26/04/2017 17:30

This is bizarre. If you suggested to the teacher that you should choose who she socialised or "played" with and force her to socialise with people who were horrible to you she'd say you were unreasonable.
I think children especially age 8+ should have similar social interaction rules to adults.
If you're a large group you aren't mean and don't exclude people provided they'll abide by the group rules (ie don't want to just order everyone else around), but individuals can choose who they socialise with. Bullying isn't tolerated, assaults are reported to the police.

Summer888 · 26/04/2017 17:32

Go see the head straight away and give them your son's viewpoint. Good Luck. I am fuming on your behalf. Your poor son! He is being bullied by both the other child and the head teacher from the sounds of things. School have a moral and legal duty to make your son feel safe at school and this is not right unless he is happy with it, which clearly he is not.