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Original poster

I have 50 minutes exactly to get this guy to ask me on a date

310 replies

Hopelessromantic1988 · 25/04/2017 15:24

What do I do?

He's been here a week in supply work. Instantly thought he fancied me as he always chose to sit by me. He would wear headphones when on his own but when I sat down immediately took them off and sat next to me. But he never ever spoke to me.

We both spent every lunch hour sat in silence, blushing the entire time and awkwardly avoiding eye contact. I'm the most extrovert person you can find but I can't even speak to him. He makes me too nervous.

I'm not completely sure he fancies me but I think he does.

He leaves work in 50 mins. I don't work in his department so not really appropriate for me to say goodbye as I've not even spoken to him.

What the hell do I do? . I promise I'm not 13!!! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Hopelessromantic1988 · 25/04/2017 16:45

I wanted advice on how to get him to ask me out.

I don't think I could ask a guy out directly.

OP posts:
PeachMelba78 · 25/04/2017 16:46

You can't get advice to get anyone to ask you out unless you are prepared to initiate a conversation.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 25/04/2017 16:47

Shyness sucks. It can be crippling and prevent you from having the life you'd like. But it can be overcome. Of he'd said no, it might have stung temporarily but not forever. I once read a great quote that said 'Change only happens when you step outside your comfort zone'. First step: get his number/email. That's enough bravery for today. Tomorrow, contact him. Even if it's a 'no', at some point in the none too distant future, you'll get a buzz from the fact you did something you were afraid of. And realise you can do it again. And again. Smile (I think the Vase line thing is significant - he must have been looking at/thinking about your lips - and he said it was lovely working with you, even though you technically didn't work together. Men can be shy too)

Krimbler · 25/04/2017 16:48

The OP said she's a huge extrovert.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 25/04/2017 16:48

Look at him, smile, and ask him
For a drink after work.

LarkDescending · 25/04/2017 16:49

You didn't have to ask him on a date (or get him to ask you on a date). You just needed to make human contact and establish some sort of rapport.

At any time over the last week you could have offered to get him a coffee when you were going to the machine, or bonded over your shared penchant for Vaseline, or asked him what he liked to listen to on those headphones. None of those would have risked any meaningful rejection.

Perhaps deep down you prefer the fantasy to the reality of relationships?

upperlimit · 25/04/2017 16:49

Is it just with men that you are so passive? Or does it extend to other parts of your life too?

neonrainbow · 25/04/2017 16:50

You need to work on your self confidence.

Dozer · 25/04/2017 16:51

Woman up! chat to the man and give him your email address, make up a pretext if that helps, eg "get in touch if you'd like any info about jobs here"

PerspicaciaTick · 25/04/2017 16:53

You don't have to say "Oooh, you are soooo hot, wanna a date".
You can say "What a shame it's your last day, would you like to stay in touch? Maybe meet up for a drink?"

BarryKwipkee · 25/04/2017 16:54

It is so hard to ask a man out. Id be the same OP
:-/

BarryKwipkee · 25/04/2017 16:55

All of those postrrs giving op a tough time, have you all really just asked a good looking man out?!

ItsOut · 25/04/2017 16:55

How frustrating ... I wish you had at least tried to ask him out. Even if he wasn't interested in sure he wouldn't have minded.
Life's to short to make these things so complicated - people need to be more straightforward with things and not leave everyone guessing as to what they want.

Being embarrassed isn't the end of the world 🤷🏻‍♀️

aintnothinbutagstring · 25/04/2017 16:57

Can you find out his name/email from another colleague? Seems a shame if you felt there was a connection there. Be bold OP, even if no fb, he might be on LinkedIn or something! Be bold OP, yolo (my young friends hate me saying that!)!

hollyisalovelyname · 25/04/2017 16:57

You sat together every day at lunch but never spoke???
If so, you are both odd or rude.
Smile

upperlimit · 25/04/2017 16:58

Of course Barry.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 25/04/2017 16:59

Well I'm so glad I read through all that.

BasicBetty · 25/04/2017 16:59

Ah bless you OP. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I reckon you'd definitely find some trace of him online. Very few people have no Internet footprint. Assuming you find a way of contacting him, drop him an email. And absolutely no risk of face to face embarrassment.

Go on, we can help with the email.... .Good luck

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 25/04/2017 16:59

I missed the extrovert bit. I am quite shy, so in order to push myself a bit, I ask myself what would be the worst case scenario if I actually did what I wanted to. So, in the OP's case, she asks him out, he blanches, vomits into the wastepaper bin and tells her he's moving to Timbuktoo, before telling everyone about the incident, who all laugh and mock as one. Which is kind of unlikely.

Lessthanaballpark · 25/04/2017 17:03

Oh OP now the deed is done (or not) just console yourself by imagining that in a parallel universe you married him, had two very badly behaved children together, he turned out to be a right chauvinist and eventually left you for another woman.

Therefore you dodged a bullet Grin

RortyCrankle · 25/04/2017 17:04

Oh OP maybe he will come back again and you will feel braver.

This takes me back to when I was young. Auditors moved into the office for a week or so and my friend and I instantly had a crush on one of them. It was a bonus if we passed them in the corridor and actually exchanged smiles. We even had a name for him - the MST ( the Many Splendored Thing) from the 1955 film. Neither of us were brave enough to ask him out (rarely happened in those days if ever) and he disappeared at the end of the week with a wave of his hand, sob Grin

Empireoftheclouds · 25/04/2017 17:04

Track him down. This could be your one.

I let someone go rather than ask them out, I occasionally bump into him in town (2/3 times a year) we are both long since married with children but whatever it was why was there 20 years ago is still there now. I don't regret my life in anyway and am happy in my marriage, but it just shows that something's are just 'there'

You have that with this guy; you should pursue

mydietstartsmonday · 25/04/2017 17:06

Write your number and name on a bit of paper and say if you fancy a drink or coffee call me? Give it to him as he leaves.

Birdsgottaf1y · 25/04/2017 17:06

If he really liked you, he would have started chatting to you, or at least asked a few questions.

The mirroring body language is commonly known and some would use it as a wind-up.

If he regrets not making a move, he'll engineer it to come back in,or be around the area at finishing time.

I don't have a problem making the first move, but you get a definite signal.

I think that you maintained professional behavior.

mydietstartsmonday · 25/04/2017 17:07

Oops too late.