To kill a man and dump his body in the chiller section

[debska]

Lots and lots of major shit in my life at the moment and the stress is showing in my face. Today has been horrific especially. Popped to supermarket. A delightful man decided to tell me to cheer up as it might never happen. Shouted ' you don't know what is going on my life , he told me to shut up as he walked away. He was obviously thinking his kind work as a Samaritan had done the trick. I told ( shouted) him to shut up too. Had to vent so told a lovely lady who worked there. There was nothing she could do but I did have a fantasy of him being hauled out by security lol. So would I have been unreasonable to have throttled him and shoved him in with the other frozen pork products .

I'm male but I've been on the receiving end of the same comment a few times, from strangers of both sexes.

It is a shit thing to say to people though and I've never detected any hint of genuine concern.

YANBE I fecking HATE that. For all he knows someone close to you may have died. It's unbelievably patronising and stupid.

I got told this too...in a packed lift at a hospital dedicated to oncology..on the way down from being told my 23 year old husband's illness was terminal.

Oh baled that takes a special level of stupidity

debska Yanbu. Anyone making unsolicited personal comments to a complete stranger deserves a salty response.

Btw, don't feel too put out by the naysayers. On any thread like this, and I've seen many in my time on here, at least one poster will pop up to point out how terribly rude and oversensitive you are, they were just being v friendly, pc gorn mad, what's the world coming to etc etc ad nauseum. The amusing thing is, they always present themselves as some brave crusader daring to say the unsayable, whereas that people have been coming out with this unoriginal guff since time immemorial.

Honestly, it's pretty easy in this kind of situation to tell if someone is well intentioned, and I'm sure OP knows better than someone who wasn't there.

That said, it's cheering that the majority of posters are in agreement!

I used to get this (notably stopped as I became middle aged); interestingly enough, DH still does. His usual response is "Fuck off."

No idea whether he is a rarity, but he doesn't see why anyone has the right to tell him what to do with his face/mood.

Only on mumsnet could a bloke telling a women to cheer up when she knows nothing, and then telling her to shut up would be described as a gentleman.

On the other hand, if one takes gentleman to mean a member of the landed gentry, then I suppose it only makes sense that such a man would be extra entitled and annoying, moreso than lower class men.

Some female said this to me in a supermarket queue, I had spent the past 72 hours caring for a friend as she died and trying to support her DH and three young children. After laying out her body I had gone to buy food for the family.
I couldn't be bothered to reply - she called after me 'You look like a miserable cow'. That says it all about her really.

P1nk what a horrible woman .

Maybe he didn't see it as patronizing?
In that case he received a valuable life lesson that he should engage his brain before putting his mouth into motion.

He may have just seen a woman that looked upset, and felt concern
As PPs have said, in that case surely he would've said "You look sad, are you OK?"

There are some gentlemen around still. He may have been that old school type
Again, a valuable life lesson in needing to evolve to current social expectations.

It is a shit thing to say to people though and I've never detected any hint of genuine concern
I get the impression their thought processes are more "jeez, look at the grumpy face on that!" rather then "oh no, she looks sad, I hope she's OK".

My response would be mind your own fucking business.

Who the fuck walks around on their own smiling anyway?

I believe that a Gentleman, in the sense of someone with impeccable manners, not an inflated sence of their own importance would never comment on a lady's appearance...

I believe that a Gentleman, in the sense of someone with impeccable manners, not an inflated sence of their own importance would never comment on a lady's appearance...

And a Gentleman would certainly not shout at the lady to shut up after she objected to his unsolicited comments.

Gentleman my arse.

He thought it was his god given right to expect women to conform to what he considers 'a pleasant outlook' for his benefit. I.E. smiling just for his benefit and obviously glad to be in the same space as all those wonderful men.

Feck the feck off. DO not presume to think just cos you have got a penis you can tell me how to look. Maybe spend some of the time you waste looking for women to 'cheer up' on your own lack of insight, empathy and reducing your overinflated ego?

Ah nice what a great guy, spreading his joy where ever he goes no doubt! He's lucky to still be alive but not quite as lucky at the man who told me last week I'd still be quite hot if I shifted a few pounds!

Got to get back to sharpening my axe!

I know this an issue as there is even a t shirt

If anyone tries it again, I am happy to be your alibi.

@Willow2017 is spot on. This man did not care about why the OP was not smiling - he was not concerned that she might be unhappy for some reason - he just wanted to see a smile on her face because that would please him. He was not bothered about whether his intervention made her feel happier, he just wanted her to look happier. It's all about women being there to decorate his world.

God it boils my piss when people say this. It's fucking patronising. You aren't performing a public service going round telling people to "cheer up". Mind your own fucking business you nosy fucking cunt.

It's reducing now I'm getting older. The last time was about a year ago - and as it happens I'd just found out that a former colleague had died very suddenly and under awful circumstances. The arrogant twat on the customer service counter who told me to "crack a smile and stop looking so miserable" looked like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him, when I gave him the thousand yard stare and told him that a friend had just died.

If you truly have nothing better to occupy your time than to police the emotions of complete strangers then it says more about you than me. Funnily enough I have never had this from another woman though - always men. God forbid that we don't look friendly and perky and appealing for the menz 24/7

I've had this said to me by a woman, in fact more so than from a man. I wouldn't say only men do it.

Ugh I absolutely hate this phrase. A man once said it me literally as I was walking down the road in a blur, having just found out my boyfriend at the time (of 6 years) had met someone else and was leaving me.
So he said "cheer up love it might never happen", and I said "too late, it just did" and burst out crying. Well that shut him up anyway

Obviously not a popular opinion, but I think YABU. Nobody says that just to be a dick. It might be annoying hearing it, but you absolutely overreacted and I think he was right to tell you to shut up shouting at him.

YANBU, at all. Anybody who says that is a twat and needs to reassess why they think it's ok to interfere with another person going about their business to make an uninformed personal comment.

If this charmer of a man was genuinely concerned and trying to be nice somehow, then he would have realised by the OPs response that she was not ok. Deciding to tell her to shut up, rather than apologising for bothering her, shows how unconcerned he actually was.