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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To kill a man and dump his body in the chiller section

159 replies

debska · 25/04/2017 14:11

Lots and lots of major shit in my life at the moment and the stress is showing in my face. Today has been horrific especially. Popped to supermarket. A delightful man decided to tell me to cheer up as it might never happen. Shouted ' you don't know what is going on my life , he told me to shut up as he walked away. He was obviously thinking his kind work as a Samaritan had done the trick. I told ( shouted) him to shut up too. Had to vent so told a lovely lady who worked there. There was nothing she could do but I did have a fantasy of him being hauled out by security lol. So would I have been unreasonable to have throttled him and shoved him in with the other frozen pork products .

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 25/04/2017 16:23

Maybe the best response would be "It already did, 15 minutes ago. Fuck you very much!".

Aeroflotgirl · 25/04/2017 16:24

I am sorry for what is going on in your life, but wouldn't a nod be ok, or just to ignore him, instead of giving him verbal!

amusedbush · 25/04/2017 16:28

Aeroflotgirl

But by keeping quiet about this shit, it's reinforcing that it's acceptable for him to do that.

debska · 25/04/2017 16:33

No sorry aero. I have put up with this shit since I was 11 so today I had enough. I am sooooo sorry that this kindly innocent man was subject to my terrible words.
But I clearly don't look well . I am walking at half speed and im a bit shaky So I don't think a nice man would have done this

OP posts:
lizzieoak · 25/04/2017 16:34

Aeroflot, it does not have to be accepted with a nod. When it used to happen to me all the time o got fed up and told someone that they did not know what's was going on in my life & that it was not okay to say that to strangers. If they can tell me how to compose my features, I can tell them to cut it out.

BodyformForYou · 25/04/2017 16:35

Hmmm

You all agree between yourselves that a man telling a woman to 'cheer up' is horrendous because he does not know what is going on in her life. Well, you guys do not know what is going on in my life, but quite a lot of you have hurled insults and patronized me (for the crime of showing a different opinion) and you seem to think that is OK.

You do not know, I could have terminal illness, have typed my responses from the chemo lounge, or have buried a parent last week...but the fact that I do not agree with you, makes me fair game for a right good slagging off - on the exact point that you attempt to make....

Some of you are really should think about the double standards BS you are typing

melj1213 · 25/04/2017 16:35

"Bloody hell, cheer up love - might never happen"

"Actually it just has, my grandfather died this morning"

"Jeez, no need to be like that!"

"Like what, responding to your unsolicited and unwanted "suggestion" with a fact as to why it's wrong?"

"I just meant that you should smile"

"Why? Because you say so?"

"Jesus I wish I'd never bothered, fucking bitch"

"At least there's something we both agree on, now fuck off and stop telling people what to do with their bodies."

Actual conversation I had with a guy once when he decided that my face should look a certain way because of his whims.

If he had geniune concern for why I didn't look happy he had two more acceptable options - keep his opinions to himself or ask if I was alright out of genuine concern, The unacceptable action is to police someone else's expression because he felt like he had the authority to and then get upset because he got called on it.

Anyone defending the guy for his "harmless comment" needs to consider what message this sends out that a man feels he is so entitled to tell a woman what to do that he will speak to a stranger because he doesn't like her expression.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/04/2017 16:36

He was trying to be nice in his own clumsy way, and got a tirade. How do you know he is not a nice man Hmm. I have had it done to myself by ladies and men a few times, and I managed not to bite their heads off. Just ignored them, or if I was ok, said fine thanks.

Birdsgottaf1y · 25/04/2017 16:36

""I am sorry for what is going on in your life, but wouldn't a nod be ok, or just to ignore him, instead of giving him verbal!""

No, these arseholes need telling. Or if you want fairness, they need the error of their ways pointing out, so they don't embarrass themselves, or upset anyone.

I've had it often said to me, when i was younger and that's the puzzlement, why does this die out when you reach 50, surely us old one's needs the help of a gentleman, more?

The one time that i'll never forget is when i was leaving the hospital.
Arsehole, "cheer up, it may never happen"
Me, "it already is my husbands dying, upstairs"
Arsehole, "well i wasn't to know"
Me "well we are in a hospital, stupid thing to say don't you think?"
Arsehole, "you should be grateful that i chose you to speak to!"
Me, "gobshite"

It's like (young) women have got to owe a smile and pleasant chatter, just to be able to be out and about on their own.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/04/2017 16:37

Or just ignore him fgs!

melj1213 · 25/04/2017 16:39

You do not know, I could have terminal illness, have typed my responses from the chemo lounge, or have buried a parent last week...but the fact that I do not agree with you, makes me fair game for a right good slagging off - on the exact point that you attempt to make....

But how many posters have told you to cheer up about it, love because it might never happen?

You are entitled to feel however you like about unsolicited "advice" from strangers, but that doesn't mean that other people aren't allowed to be pissed off that strangers feel entitled to tell them how to look and act when neither of those things are in any way impacting on the random stranger.

BodyformForYou · 25/04/2017 16:42

You are entitled to feel however you like about unsolicited "advice" from strangers, but that doesn't mean that other people aren't allowed to be pissed off that strangers feel entitled to tell them how to look and act when neither of those things are in any way impacting on the random stranger

Of course, I haven't told anyone that they ARE wrong for their feelings and views. I haven't told anyone they aren't allowed to feel how they feel.
What was your point, again?

melj1213 · 25/04/2017 16:43

How do you know he is not a nice man?

Nice people don't tell strangers what to do with their own bodies unless it's a safety issue or the stranger is doing something inappropriate.

It is not inappropriate to not smile when out in public and I will not be told how I "should" look by anyone, and will tell them so.

Stormtreader · 25/04/2017 16:47

Bodyform If you are so oblivious as to have no idea why other posters might have taken offence at your tone on this thread, its totally unsurprising to me that you have also never noticed any tone beyond the literal facevalue of "cheer up love".

Still, cheer up love, eh? It might never happen! Now lets see that cheery happy face!

Lolly49 · 25/04/2017 16:52

According to DH my resting face is the face of thunder .I like to think I look like Thor and no one is going to bother me😀

BodyformForYou · 25/04/2017 16:53

why other posters might have taken offence at your tone on this thread

Hmm, it doesn't really take a lot, does it?

An attempt at a reasoned conversation? Trying to talk to other members like adults? Refusing to get drawn in to name calling? Not joining the crowd?

Yes I can see why other posters would be offended.

What delicate flowers

PickAChew · 25/04/2017 16:56

Completely justified, so long as you don't make a mess of the ice cream.

I'm so glad I don't get this any more.

PinkGlitter17 · 25/04/2017 16:58

This Ronald Dahl short story is absolutely fabulous!
classicshorts.com/stories/lamb.html

Oswin · 25/04/2017 17:00

Bullshit is it out of concern. If you saw someone visibly upset you don't say that you would ask them if they are OK maybe.

It's the attitude that men can tell women what to do and women are just meant to take it. Fuck that shit.

Nicketynac · 25/04/2017 17:13

Bus driver said similar to MIL the day after her husband died.

Butteredparsnip1ps · 25/04/2017 17:19

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

I was going to post exactly that! It's my favourite episode. Just eat the murder weapon.

OP I lost my shit in an airline check in queue once. 'Cos It's a really great idea to tell a distressed looking women with 2 small children in an airline queue to cheer up Hmm

Flowers
Stormtreader · 25/04/2017 17:20

Bodyform yes thats right dear, only YOU have seen through the crowd of sheeple to the Real Truth Beneath. Well done.

squeak10 · 25/04/2017 17:49

Boarded the same plane as a stag group and was sitting next to one when he said " cheer up, you are going on holiday not to a funeral" I then burst into tears and told him" I was actually going home to my Mums funeral" he was in the window seat and didn't know what to do with himself. His mate in front of us gave me some tissues and told him " what a arsewipe thing to say" they did buy me a drink mid flight and gave me a hug when we got off with a huge apology.

squeak10 · 25/04/2017 17:50

Bet he never said it againSmile

AvaCrowder2 · 25/04/2017 17:57

YANBU.

I consider it to be along the same lines as, 'nice tits', 'keep off the biscuits', 'eat a pie love' 'have you heard of clearasil'.

Unsolicited criticism of somebody else's appearance.

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