To think MIL crossed the line

[CatherineHate]

This happened a few weeks ago, but seeing MIL again after a bit of holiday this week. I need help deciding how to go forward.

So DF is dead. He died when I was a young child in awful circumstances (was murdered by my aunt's abusive husband) and was the catalyst for a fucking shit decade for my family.

So understandably, I don't talk about it.

Anyway, MIL decided to pry into my father's death and was asking a million questions- as if I'd lie about something like this and kept pushing to the point that I had to tell her I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

That night, I heard her asking DP (who obviously knows the full story) for more information. Luckily he knows what a nosey twat she can be and told her to shut up and that if I didn't tell her myself she isn't to know.

Roll around last Saturday. I had to catch a train pretty early and saw she was on her laptop my phone was being dodgy and wasn't getting the ticket from my email so I needed to resend it.
MIL let's me use hers, I type in my email's website and see the suggestions of "CatherineHate surname murder year of death" "Year of dad's death murder in town I grew up in" about twenty fucking Google searches of my dad's full name, Gov.UK for his death record, my DAunt and searches to see "how quickly you can die if you the murder weapon that was used on my dad"

I KNOW I am not being unreasonable and that MIL is fucking unhinged but I am living with her until March 2018. How can I live with her without wanting to tell her how mentally ill she is and that I never want to see her again

P.S. Being murdered isn't genetic

Or contagious.

Casting the OP as a carrier of some sort is a bit much.

I agree with what TaraCarter said. You are not in some way tainted or unworthy or whatever strange things have been implied. You are are you Catherine, which is a very good thing and worthy of as much happiness as is possible in the world.

There's another possibility on this, If you e.g. Live in the same town or grew up close to each other, is it possible that there was a lot of talk about the murder at the time which MIL had sort of heard on the grapevine, and then when you met her DP she realised that it was your family who had been involved and felt compelled to ask/and then google?

We've probably all grown up somewhere where something awful/odd/curious happened and when you think back you think "wow, I remember in my town x ran off with y or someone was killed and there was a lot of talk at the time but very little detail," and then as an adult or later in life wonder what actually happened.

In the town I grew up in someone was murdered by a fifteen year old. For some reason he was never convicted but stayed away for a couple of years and then returned as some kind of hero. It was all incredibly odd, and I only remember it now because my mum asked me if I remembered the other day. So I went googling but didn't find anything. But googling was a natural curiosity based on sketchy information I remembered back then. Had the family of the victim moved into my town and become acquainted with my family I would likely have googled much sooner.

And to be fair it's her laptop. Unless she brought up the details she had found afterwards she can google whatever she wants on her own laptop... as hard as that is.

NavyandWhite I would definitely not google! I think that is an awful thing to do. Don't presume to speak for me.

Navy I've already posted that I wouldn't google, and why. Sadly, I've already had an opportunity to see how I would react to a situation in RL, and no I did not go googling for detailed information. I knew the bare details (who was murdered and their relationship to the murderer and the relationship to the person I knew) and that is still all I know.

I wouldn't do the googling either. I've experienced trauma in my own family. I don't talk about it very much precisely, except with people I trust, because of the reactions OP has had on here.

Some curiosity is natural. We all have that. It's nose-poking around in someone's personal trauma when they have expressly asked you not which is incredibly insensitive and not ok.

Sorry, it's early, and I haven't had coffee!

I don't talk about it much.... precisely because.

The problem for the OP is that her MIL has been 'pushing' for details in the face of both her and her DH being explicit about the OP wanting privacy around it.

So her nosiness comes over more strongly than her empathy and support. This is her DIL. Someone you are supposed to care about.

I am sure she does care abut her, but has been tactless and a bit crass. Questioning her DS, etc.

BertrandR , would you really not have enough trust / confidence in your adult son to accept his assertion? You would feel you had to find out the things he knew so that YOU could decide whether your adult son needed your 'protection'?

Something made me very uncomfortable about what your MIL had done but I couldn't exactly define it. However, reading this thread the missing ingredient seems to be a very peculiar form of victim blaming. In some sense others trying to figure out what it is about the OP that meant this murder happened.

I'm gobsmacked to be honest.