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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say she has brought this on herself?

299 replies

GreenHairDontCare · 23/04/2017 21:52

Dd is 13. A couple of months ago at great expense I let her have the bottom half of her hair bleached blonde. It looked lovely.

Last week she phoned me from her friend's and said she was putting a wash out green dye on it. I told her not to as it would stain the blonde.

She did it anyway. She has spent the last week washing it with dandruff shampoo, baby shampoo, washing up liquid and today as a last try we did a vitamin c powder twice.

Somewhat predictably she still has bright green hair.

She goes back to school tomorrow. They are VERY strict. Natural hair colours only. She will likely be sent home. She is now (at nearly ten pm) having a screaming fit about it. I've told her that if they send her home I'll be marching her straight to the hairdressers to get it cut short. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to her apparently.

I'm leaving dh to deal with her. As far as I'm concerned this is her problem to sort out, I told her not to do it and told her it wouldn't wash out.

AIBU?

And does anyone have any suggestions, other than bleach which I'm trying to avoid?

OP posts:
GreenFruitGum · 23/04/2017 23:07

You will need clarifying shampoo. Do NOT skimp on the brand. Redkin is best. I know it's 20 euro but not sure in UK.

I've been in her shoes. I love to colour my hair, luckily I worked in a hairdressers. She has hair that absorbs colour and keeps it (like me, my colour grows out faster than it fades), best thing is to neutralize the green. Unfortunately blue is the WORST colour to get out of hair. And ofc, what is green? Blue + Yellow.

Good luck.

faithinthesound · 23/04/2017 23:09

I agree with a PP: OP specifically told her not to do it, and even gave her a reason why (so it wasn't just "because I said so", which I understand often inspires more rebellion than it quashes). The child defied her mother's instructions, then instead of saying "Mom, I messed up, please help me" or similar, threw a screaming tantrum.

Let this be a lesson to the child that mothers aren't always just talking to hear the sound of their own voices.

Yes, we've all screwed around as kids, and yes, we've all messed up, but the thing about messing up is that you have to LEARN something from the mistake. If OP bends over backwards to remove any and all consequences for her DD, then she will learn nothing and this whole episode really will have been an exercise in futility.

OP, go to bed, go to sleep. You would be BU if you'd encouraged her to do it, but you told her not to and she defied you. Your daughter made her bed, and now it's time to lie in it.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 23/04/2017 23:09

Voseen is supposed tonstrip colour.

french roll will hide the gfeen.

WinBigly · 23/04/2017 23:14

I don't know why people are getting riled about £80 for what sounds like a very good and professional dip-dye. That's seriously cheap where I live, you pay £70 just for a cut & dry by a decent stylist. The fact she's 13 doesn't mean she should get a cheap job that would potentially ruin her hair Confused

gillybeanz · 23/04/2017 23:14

faith
in other words the child was displaying normal teen behaviour.
I don't think the 13 year old should be learning from mistakes they haven't the maturity to try to sort out themselves.
Yes, they make mistakes but parents aren't blameless when they allow/ encourage their dc to do things they clearly aren't ready for.

SuperBeagle · 23/04/2017 23:17

Give her an ultimatum: either she gets the hair cut, or she gets the hair dyed brown.

And no more paying for her to dye her hair from now on. I was only allowed to dye my hair when I could afford to do it myself, and I think that's the way to do it otherwise it'll become a very expensive habit.

e1y1 · 23/04/2017 23:18

gillybeanz

The parent is helping her sort it - either dyeing it back brown of taking to hairdressers for a cut.

What the OP isn't doing is forking out again for it to be corrected and dyed back to blond - and I don't blame her.

SuperBeagle · 23/04/2017 23:19

I don't think the 13 year old should be learning from mistakes they haven't the maturity to try to sort out themselves.

This is absurd. 13 is a perfectly acceptable age to expect them to start taking responsibility for their own choices. If not then, when? When they're 18, just five years away and when they're technically an adult?

e1y1 · 23/04/2017 23:19

*or

Waddlelikeapenguin · 23/04/2017 23:19

I would help her out as much as you can; hair is very personal for some people.

I'm depressed that a 13 yr old doesn't have the bodily autonomy to do what she wants with her hair!

SuperBeagle · 23/04/2017 23:21

I'm depressed that a 13 yr old doesn't have the bodily autonomy to do what she wants with her hair!

She does have autonomy, but that also means that if she wants the blonde back, she'll have to find a way to pay for it herself. Autonomy doesn't preclude financial responsibility. The OP shouldn't have to fork out for her daughter's choice of hair colour constantly.

KarmaKit · 23/04/2017 23:26

Off topic, but I want to know what blue dyes everyone uses that won't shift, I've tried directions Atlantic blue and a schwarzkopf live one and both washed out in about three washes, wouldn't stick at all!

greylove · 23/04/2017 23:27

Use a toner on it and it will remove green

tabulahrasa · 23/04/2017 23:30

"Off topic, but I want to know what blue dyes everyone uses that won't shift, I've tried directions Atlantic blue and a schwarzkopf live one and both washed out in about three washes, wouldn't stick at all!"

The Schwarzkopf live one lasted 2 years on bleached hair...we could dye over it eventually but it always faded back to blue.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 23/04/2017 23:38

She does have autonomy, but that also means that if she wants the blonde back, she'll have to find a way to pay for it herself. Autonomy doesn't preclude financial responsibility. The OP shouldn't have to fork out for her daughter's choice of hair colour constantly

I meant the school rules that don't allow her hair to be green.

BigGrannyPants · 23/04/2017 23:47

@tabulahrasa I once dyed my hair blue accidentally, it was green (also by accident) and I put blonde hair dye with lightener in and it came out this colour Grin took me months to shift!

To say she has brought this on herself?
ColdFeetAndHotCakes · 23/04/2017 23:51

As somebody who has done the whole semi-permanent different rainbow hair colour every month thing, a blonde box dye isn't going to do anything, believe me I've tried it. There is no amount of washing or ketchup in the world that is going to get the green tinge out of her hair. After several months of washing she will still end up with pastel green ends. You need a minimum of 40vol peroxide hair bleach, and it's going to be on there for a much longer time than it would be to lighten her natural hair colour.To get the green out the ends will have to come up to almost a white colour. It really really damages your hair. After several bleaches like that your hair comes out in clumps. I've been growing my hair out now for about 6 months and slowly trimming the bottom coloured part off, she's lucky she only thought to do the ends. Your only real choices are cut or bleach unfortunately, there is no 3rd option.

tabulahrasa · 23/04/2017 23:51

"took me months to shift!"

Months is good going, lol.

It was DD's hair (no school rules about hair here) and on purpose, but when she wanted to change it, it just wouldn't shift, we tried dye remover, bleaching it, all the home remedy type colour removers...nope.

We discovered purple manic panic covered it if she slept with it on.

But it went back to that original blue every time it faded.

salbobalbo · 23/04/2017 23:53

Get some Bleach London Rosé shampoo, you can buy it from Boots. It got blue out of my bleached blonde hair before, it will tint it slightly pink but it's very light and will wash out in a day or two.

WinBigly · 23/04/2017 23:53

This is absurd. 13 is a perfectly acceptable age to expect them to start taking responsibility for their own choices. If not then, when? When they're 18, just five years away and when they're technically an adult?

So if they chose to have sex at 13 because it's "a perfectly acceptable age to expect them to start taking responsibility for their own choices" you'd be okay with that?

"just five years" is a HUGE timescale when you are a child and your brain is still developing. It's a pretty huge timescale for older children/adults too. Were you the same at 16 as you were at 21?

Ladybirdbookworm · 23/04/2017 23:56

I haven't RTFT has anyone recommended tomato ketchup ??? It really does work

FairytalesAreBullshit · 23/04/2017 23:57

I would cut it yourself over going to the hairdressers.

DalaHorse · 23/04/2017 23:58

To be honest op, you enabled and encouraged her to dye her hair aged 13 and I think you have done responsibility to enable her to get it back to where it should be. Yes she's meddled with it but she's 13. I would help her out if this pickle.

I would offer her the option if cutting it out, dyeing brown, or having it turned back to the dip dye professionally in a salon, you to pay for it initially but her to contribute in terms of extra chores around the house defined, not wooly) or (even better) extra study, or practice if she is learning an instrument, or similar.

I think you should help her this time but on the strict understanding if she messes with it again against your advice and on top of expensive salon work, she will have to live with it or cut it off.

I wouldn't just leave her to lie in her hen bed. My mum did this school of tough love too early and as a pp said, I learnt not to rely on her for anything. It was a shame as I learnt to hide most things from her.

Finally it's only hair. She hasn't got a tattoo, hair can be changed. I would ring or send a note in explaining the situation and advising them you are sorting it out asap.

DalaHorse · 24/04/2017 00:01

Ladyburd, ketchup works over bleached hair turned green tinge, not actual green dye. It might take the edge off the green at best but leave it a slightly muddier green, what colour would you expect to get putting weak red food colourant over a green hair dye?? It won't be brown, or blonde!

DalaHorse · 24/04/2017 00:01

*ladybird

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