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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell off another child at soft play?

261 replies

Embarrassedatsoftplay · 23/04/2017 13:39

I saw a 5/6 year old repeatedly slapping my DD who's 2 years in the 0-3 area of soft play. I ran over immediately saying 'hey!' As she kept slapping her. I picked up dd who had been pummelled to the floor by other child and had red on one cheek and scratch marks, turned around, couldn't see parent and said 'you don't hit another child like' that in a shocked/raised (not shouting voice). I realise my panic transferred into the voice and I feel awful I didn't deal with it in calm and collected way, and just pick her up and find member of staff to deal with parent (who was in corner with headphones on, on phone facing away from soft play). This is first time I've seen DD be hit like this and I can see scratch marks on neck and arm but face has returned to normal colour. I know you're not meant to tell other people's kids of and I'm shaking/feeling awful.

OP posts:
5moreminutes · 23/04/2017 14:44

JustAKitten you seem to want to make this about you and your child being free spirits and other people being uptight about rules, but it really isn't.

Its about fairness and safety.

Believe me I let my kids do things a lot of parents might not - they play out from age 5 with me just checking through the window (we are very rural, no busy road, green space, little village playground, mini football pitch and a copse not on the street) including tree climbing and building a tree house and dens etc. They walk to school in groups of kids from age 6 (we're abroad, its standard here). I'm not safety obsessed but teaching a child its just fine and dandy to go up a slide where other children are playing is stupid - he absolutely will get kicked in the face the first time he does it when your attention isn't on him for a second, and he may injure somebody else whom he collides with, or make a slightly older child terribly upset about having inadvertently hurt a toddler (tbh the risk to other children is the part that it isn't up to you to decide is an acceptable risk).

Some rules are a social contract to make social interactions work - I don't believe in rules "for the sake of it" but rules about using the slide when other children are playing too are for the common good - just like the rule about not running up the down escalator. Knock yourself out literally if nobody else is about but when others are there you revert to the rules for the common good.

SpreadYourHappiness · 23/04/2017 14:48

JustAKitten Fine, we'd have an issue. I'd still do it, each and every time you allowed it to happen. Don't want it to happen? Don't misuse the equipment.

JustAKitten · 23/04/2017 14:49

5 Perhaps their parents should supervise then? Otherwise, I'll decide what I'm comfortable with my son doing.

I understand your point, but I don't agree with it. I don't think it's that much if a difficulty for the others to wait slightly and let everyone have a go. It's also not bad to observe people do things differently

5moreminutes · 23/04/2017 14:50

insancerre that's all very well if there are no other children there - I'm not above averagely risk averse when it comes to children's play at all; but do you really think risky play is a good idea when it puts others at risk or inconveniences them without their consent too? What about when the wish to engage in risky play conflicts with learning to play with or around others?

Italiangreyhound · 23/04/2017 14:50

Kitten "I'm not precious about DS getting hurt."

But other people's kids could also get hurt. If the slide is in your garden, your rules; soft play place (I am sure) has an expectation, if not a rule of how to use a slide!

Just as you would be very angry if someone touched you child I'd be very angry if you child climbing up the slide caused mine to have an accident. I'm also not mad about my child kicking another in the face by accident because it's not a nice thing to do, even by accident.

It's not doing your child any favours allowing him to go against the grain in this. Lots of other chances for him to self-express.

Please don;t make play harder for your son.

CactusFred · 23/04/2017 14:51

I don't understand the 'don't tell off other people's kids' thing. If they're behaving like that towards my kid or a kid I'm with, I'm telling them off. Parent can suck it up if they don't like it.

I'd fully expect my child to be reprimanded if he'd been the one attacking another! And I'd be mortified at his behaviour.

JustAKitten · 23/04/2017 14:52

Spread I'd simply contact the authorities about someone touching my child without my consent and making us feel threatened and harassed. Trust me I'm not afraid of confrontation.

JustAKitten · 23/04/2017 14:54

Italian that's just a risk of kids playing together?

5moreminutes · 23/04/2017 14:54

JustaKitten - "perhaps their parents should supervise then?"

Do you think parents should hover over their children while they play? That doesn't really chime with the "free spirit" and "exploring" ethos though... With a 20 month old yes, of course, hovering a bit is still very reasonable especially if he's non verbal at the moment, but what about a 3 year old? 4? 5? When does "supervising" become "helicoptering" and preventing the child from exploring both physically and socially by managing their own interactions with other children?

CheepAndOrm · 23/04/2017 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsPringles · 23/04/2017 14:55

When there's 99 people doing things one way and the 1 person doing something differently surely the 1 person choosing to do something differently is the one that has the potential to likely cause problems?

I stand by, heavily populated public place, stick to the rules for the safety of your own child and everybody else's.
Your own house/empty field/woods, do what you like

Mrsfrumble · 23/04/2017 14:55

Some rules are a social contract to make social interactions work

Yes, this is the reason I gave my children (in toddler-friendly terms of course) as to why they couldn't climb slides when the park is busy. Nothing to do with being rigid, safety-conciliatory or conformist, just teaching them to be considerate to others.

It's also the reason I got really annoyed yesterday at the park, when a child who was around 3/4 deliberately stomped all over the elaborate creation my DS and some other children were building in the sand pit while her parents looked on, smiling indulgently.

5moreminutes · 23/04/2017 14:57

JustaKitten although actually given your conversation here with Spread its probably best for you that other parents aren't supervising as closely (physically at least) as you, otherwise you might have got yourself into the first of many confrontations with the presumably multiple parents of the other children using the slide the accepted way!

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/04/2017 14:57

JustAKitten

The point you seem to be missing is that you are trying to create adult rules in a child centric setting. You sound like daddy pig in the episode at the park, where he doesn't think the little children should queue for the slide. Your arguments are just about as silly as his.

SpreadYourHappiness · 23/04/2017 14:58

JustAKitten LOL So you're happy with him getting kicked in the face by misusing the slide, but you're not happy with a responsible adult gently moving him out the way so he doesn't get hurt?

Okay then. I see where your priorities lie.

JustAKitten · 23/04/2017 14:59

5 when you're comfortable with the risk. I'm comfortable with a level of rough housing and so once DS can speak and is slightly older, I have no problem.

But I also wouldn't moan if another child fell on him. If that bothers you, then you need to supervise.

CheepOrm it's actually those who can't see different ways of doing things that are likely to bully people who don't fit their idea Hmm

Binkybix · 23/04/2017 15:00

Perhaps their parents should supervise then?

I don't know if the 20 month old is your first one but, honestly, it's ridiculous to suggest that children of all ages are supervised (which actually does stifle play btw) just so your 20 month year old can climb up a slide when it's busy. I would not be supervising my older one - it would be on you if your one got kicked. And I would not be telling mine to give way.

JustAKitten · 23/04/2017 15:00

Spread I'm happy for my child to be a child. I'm not happy for someone to violate his personal autonomy without my permission and consent.

TaliDiNozzo · 23/04/2017 15:01

Wow Justakitten - I rather suspect you're on the wind up here, I don't think anyone can really be this blinkered.

Your DS's right to play freely does not trump his right to be safe and uninjured. You are not teaching him well and this apparent freedom you are allowing him is doing him a disservice. When you take him to play in a public area, there is an unspoken acceptance that you accept the (sometimes also unspoken) safety rules of wherever you go. In this case, it's that the equipment needs to be used correctly and a slide is used for sliding not climbing. It's not difficult.

JustAKitten · 23/04/2017 15:01

Binky

I'm not precious about him getting kicked though. I accept it as part of play.

WateryTart · 23/04/2017 15:02

I'll concede I'm very free spirited so perhaps it's me but I'm more interested in encouraging my son to explore

Dear God, one of "those" parents.

Kitten, if my DC decided to use the equipment properly and booted your child out of the way on his way down that would be your fault.

JustAKitten · 23/04/2017 15:02

I'm not winding anyone up. My DS can use his turn how he sees fit.

I'm surprised so many people are offended that a child is playing in a way they think is "wrong". It's a non issue

JustAKitten · 23/04/2017 15:03

watery it's his turn. Your children are required to take turns.

CheepAndOrm · 23/04/2017 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Monkeydust · 23/04/2017 15:05

JustAKitten

Your attitude is ridiculous id probably of let my kid down the slide anyway again and again regardless if you asked them to wait.

Not letting some self entitled woman tell my kids how to play.

Theres no right way to play unless you say so. Like taking turns? But theres no right way to play apparently

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