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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell off another child at soft play?

261 replies

Embarrassedatsoftplay · 23/04/2017 13:39

I saw a 5/6 year old repeatedly slapping my DD who's 2 years in the 0-3 area of soft play. I ran over immediately saying 'hey!' As she kept slapping her. I picked up dd who had been pummelled to the floor by other child and had red on one cheek and scratch marks, turned around, couldn't see parent and said 'you don't hit another child like' that in a shocked/raised (not shouting voice). I realise my panic transferred into the voice and I feel awful I didn't deal with it in calm and collected way, and just pick her up and find member of staff to deal with parent (who was in corner with headphones on, on phone facing away from soft play). This is first time I've seen DD be hit like this and I can see scratch marks on neck and arm but face has returned to normal colour. I know you're not meant to tell other people's kids of and I'm shaking/feeling awful.

OP posts:
fourteenlittleducks · 23/04/2017 14:03

I would have yelled at her! That's nasty, bullying behaviour and a 5 year old should know better.

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2017 14:04

Rivers there's no right way to play. It's polite to let others take a turn. How they want to spend their turn is up to them

He's going to learn a hard lesson in the playground I fear.

I've lost count of the amount of times I've seen kids knocked off the slide like a skittle, while trying to climb up it the wrong way.

JustAKitten · 23/04/2017 14:04

Worra kids playing is fine, older kids should know to be careful, but children not letting a toddler take a turn on the slide is ridiculous

5moreminutes · 23/04/2017 14:06

You are absolutely right to have said what you said - you didn't tell the child she was horrible or anything, just very directly addressed the situation and her behaviour which is totally correct.

However

people are always getting taller children's ages wrong - I hate posts where everyone jumps on the apparent age of the other child, because as often as not the other child is not vastly older at all.

One of my kids was/ is a "gentle giant" who other parents were always trying to kick out of under 3s play areas when he was under 3, or especially under 6s play areas when he was only 5 and in there helping his then 2 year old brother. He has never hurt another child, and in fact at age 8 put himself between a group of boys and the one boy (older than him) they were trying to beat up and got himself thumped, without lashing out in return, as well as when he was just 4 a smaller (but same age) boy gave him a black eye and he neither hit back nor told the teachers (initially - we got it sorted in the end) out of a misplaced belief he had to be kind to anyone smaller than him - he would be the first to defend a smaller child. It was very difficult not to get cross with self righteous parents who could only see his height and misinterpret it as him being a naughty older boy in the little kids area without looking at how he was behaving and see him as a threat to their precious (the worst were the photo op parents who considered soft play a Kodak moment and presumably resented the big kid mucking up the background of their cute ball pool pictures...)

The other child's behaviour is what matters - and you were totally right in addressing it as you did.

Monkeydust · 23/04/2017 14:07

JustAKitten

Iv got a two year old and a 10 month old wouldnt let either do it. Teach your kids to use equipment properly

khajiit13 · 23/04/2017 14:07

I have no issue with kids climbing up when the park is empty. But you are being incredibly entitled to allow your 20 month old child to behave like that. Stairs up, slide down, or kids get hurt.

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2017 14:07

Worra kids playing is fine, older kids should know to be careful, but children not letting a toddler take a turn on the slide is ridiculous

I still fear he's going to get hurt if he's not using the equipment properly

Especially if you're relying on older kids being careful.

Joolsy · 23/04/2017 14:08

Just - of course kids need to learn to take turns but allowing your child to climb UP a slide is utterly ridiculous, not to mention very dangerous. I've asked many a child to stop doing that so children can use it properly and said child doesn't get hurt or hurt others when they come down. I can't believe people think it's ok to climb UP it!!!!

JustAKitten · 23/04/2017 14:08

Monkey There's no way to play "properly". Play is imaginative and about exploration.

newdaddie · 23/04/2017 14:08

YWNBU

ChorusLine69 · 23/04/2017 14:08

Yanbu op, I would have done this( probably more angrily than you did, sounds like you were calm and composed) I have told other children off for hitting/pushing in soft play as
some parents don't even vaguely watch their children

Devorak · 23/04/2017 14:08

I know you're not meant to tell other people's kids off

Well, that's where you're wrong. Smile "Your kids, your rules" ur kidz ur rulz can get to fuck. If I see another child hurting another like that, or even misbehaving then if I judge it appropriate / necessary I'll step in. Decades as a teacher mean I can't help it although do have an idea of when it's just play and children being children and when an adult beeds to get involved.

You were very reasonable.

milliemolliemou · 23/04/2017 14:09

Kitten - if the slide isn't being used then clearly your DC can do what he wants. But if the slide is busy, and your son at 20 months will take some time going up it, then it's blocking it for all the kids wanting to use the slide for what it's intended for. Like someone wanting to go up a down escalator. In the rush hour.

Monkeydust · 23/04/2017 14:09

JustAKitten

There isnt a way to play properly but there is a way to use equipment properly and safely

JustAKitten · 23/04/2017 14:09

But they have to take turns regardless of how he uses it. What difference does it make to them?

MaisieDotes · 23/04/2017 14:09

God no, you were fully in the right OP and pretty retrained, as PPs have said.

I will intervene if I see any hitting etc either to my own DC or, if necessary, another child if their own parent is not around and they need help.

I don't shout or anything. Just "now let's not push each other" type of thing.

khajiit13 · 23/04/2017 14:09

You tell yourself that when your child gets kicked in the face and there only one to blame will be you. Feel free to play how you like when the park is empty.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 23/04/2017 14:09

Justakitten why should all the other kids have to wait while you dc misused the equipment? Besides, climbing up is dangerous for little kids. One slip and he'll fall on his face.

JustAKitten · 23/04/2017 14:11

Oh because it's his turn. He didn't take ages, I was with him and helping him.

DS is tough as nails, always running, climbing and jumping. He laughs when he falls over. And the slide was literally a tiny baby one.

MaisieDotes · 23/04/2017 14:11

It's up the ladder and down the slide.

Unless it's your own slide in your own garden. Maybe.

TessTube · 23/04/2017 14:12

You did nothing wrong OP but generally people don't supervise older children to that extent in softplay, I don't actually think there is anything wrong with that. The larger ones are designed for children to play in without adult intervention surely.

If my 6 yo did that I'd be mortified and apologise and take him home but in a snap shot in time I might have been on the phone buying a coffee or talking to someone.

I check on him but I won't be sat there staring at him the whole time.

Telling kids to stop sliding down slides is ridiculous. People take turns on slides by queuing at the top and sliding down them.

5moreminutes · 23/04/2017 14:13

JustaKitten children can only play with the equipment in a way which causes danger in a group setting when not in a group setting.

One of mine loved going up slides between about 10 and 18 months, but of course you only let the child do that when you have the slide to yourself.

By 18 months kids can very well understand with guidance that when there are other kids there you go up the stairs and down the slide.

If there are lots of children there they can all have lots of goes down the slide one after the other, but if one child has to be allowed to go up the slide their "go" is far more disruptive and takes far longer because it totally messes up the conveyor belt of kids all going in the same direction.

It is also a "law of the jungle" it is in children's best interests to learn, and part of learning to co-exist peacefully with others.

You are totally wrong thinking you are entitled to make all the children using the slide the accepted way clear it to let your child use it the wrong way, and also setting your child up for upset and injury as he gets older.

He can injure other kids in a collision too - if another even littler one (including a petite 2 year old) came down the slide (which it is very normal to expect to be the way the slide is being used) and crashed into him they could both get hurt.

teaandbiscuitsforme · 23/04/2017 14:13

Kitten Play can't always be about exploring and doing what you want. In group situations, safety has to come first. YABVU.

IrregularCommentary · 23/04/2017 14:14

OP, glad your dd is ok. You sound like you handled it brilliantly.

kitten sliding down a slide (clue is in the name) is a lot quicker than trying to climb up it. I wouldn't expect the children using it correctly to wait as it wouldnt be a normal length turn.

Monkeydust · 23/04/2017 14:14

JustAKitten

Yes they should take turns but they should also use the equipment properly.
Its as ridiculous as saying theres no right way to play so I can let my child smack
Or theres no right way to play so ill let them eat shoe polish.

I wouldnt let my children disrupt everyone else playing simply because they want to use equipment wrong.

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