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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell off another child at soft play?

261 replies

Embarrassedatsoftplay · 23/04/2017 13:39

I saw a 5/6 year old repeatedly slapping my DD who's 2 years in the 0-3 area of soft play. I ran over immediately saying 'hey!' As she kept slapping her. I picked up dd who had been pummelled to the floor by other child and had red on one cheek and scratch marks, turned around, couldn't see parent and said 'you don't hit another child like' that in a shocked/raised (not shouting voice). I realise my panic transferred into the voice and I feel awful I didn't deal with it in calm and collected way, and just pick her up and find member of staff to deal with parent (who was in corner with headphones on, on phone facing away from soft play). This is first time I've seen DD be hit like this and I can see scratch marks on neck and arm but face has returned to normal colour. I know you're not meant to tell other people's kids of and I'm shaking/feeling awful.

OP posts:
CheepAndOrm · 23/04/2017 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lemonnaise · 23/04/2017 16:17

Yanbu OP

Kitten YABU

Mothervulva · 23/04/2017 16:18

Things have escalated here. Getting the impression Kitten is a piss merchant.

Original poster
Embarrassedatsoftplay · 23/04/2017 16:23

Shall I request delete thread as it's served its purpose?

OP posts:
CheepAndOrm · 23/04/2017 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsPinkCock · 23/04/2017 16:26

Kitten my younger brother broke his nose when he was 4 because he moronically decided to run off to go up the slide despite being told not to.

He didn't do it again.

Your entitled, precious snowflake attitude is appalling and your kid will be a spoilt brat.

OP - your post reminded me why I am so glad my kids are now too old for soft play Grin

DuncanDonut · 23/04/2017 16:35

It's been along time since I've read anything as ridiculous as kitten insisting she's right when she's SO obviously wrong.

If there are children playing at going down the slide, then snowflake doesn't get a turn, unless he wants to queue and go down the slide like everyone else. How that's not completely blindingly obvious I have
No idea.

Italiangreyhound · 23/04/2017 16:36

Embarrassedatsoftplay

"Shall I request delete thread as it's served its purpose?"

You can ask but they generally don' like to do it!

You can ask for it to go to chat and then it will disappear after 30 days.

Glad it has served it's purpose for you. Thanks

PunkrockerGirl · 23/04/2017 16:36

Free spirited parents and their unruly offspring can fuck right off, imo.

WateryTart · 23/04/2017 16:41

Don't delete it, OP, I have a feeling I may want to advance search Kitten one day and this thread will answer a lot of questions I may have.

CheepAndOrm · 23/04/2017 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrazedZombie · 23/04/2017 17:12

It's fine to tell off another child if the parent hasnt seen the child misbehave/won't tell them off. Your child needs to see you model how to deal with such situations (verbally) and stick up for them.

WateryTart · 23/04/2017 17:13
Grin
babybythesea · 23/04/2017 17:21

Am I the only one who is going to be glaring at the next 'free spirited' parent I come across at soft play, asking them "Do you happen to have any kittens at home?" as I all-too-obviously strike up not so random conversations.

babybythesea · 23/04/2017 17:31

Been trying to work out why I get so riled by threads like this. And I think it's because I've met people like this. I've sat watching my child at the top of the slide, waiting for her turn, while some other kid goes up the slide and down and up and down and .... I have intervened and told the other child to let other children have a turn now, and as yet have yet to meet anyone who has objected. But the frustration at the thread is real because the situation has been real.

In the spirit of the original question, I have given 2 kids aged about 10 a telling off for chasing my 5 year old and my friends 4 year old round. Soft play until the two little ones were so scared they didn't want to go back in and play. The older ones knew they were being off, because as soon as I went in they started avoiding me, hiding round corners etc. they eventually went into the ball pool which was a mistake as there's only one way in and out. So I went in after them and told them, in my best teacher voice, that I wasn't interested in any excuses, but that they knew enough not to terrify two small children and it was going to stop. Now. (I did also tell my two that if they'd done anything to antagonise the older ones, like pulling faces, it needed to stop, in the interests of being fair). They left the ball pool and a Dad I hadn't seen buried under the balls sat up and said "I don't know what I've done but I won't do it again, promise".

LyndaLaHughes · 23/04/2017 18:00

Wow Kitten you have to be pretty arrogant to think literally every other person on this thread is wrong and you are right. Notice you have conveniently ignored the poster above who was the manager of a soft play! Or any of the posters who have pointed out the actual rules of soft play. So the rules are wrong and you are right? Er ok then.

ohcraptoday · 23/04/2017 18:12

Fuck it. The parents should be watching their kids!. Hope DD is ok

Nairsmellsbad · 23/04/2017 18:15

I'm expecting Sadface Kitten in the Daily Mail someday soon complaining about horrid soft play rules and mean parents.
But OP you were absolutely NBU.

RiversrunWoodville · 23/04/2017 18:29

Bloody hell go out for a couple of hours (not to soft play thankfully) and it's gone bananas

bigmouthstrikesagain · 23/04/2017 18:31

The funny thing is that kids are the ones who seem to appreciate rules and fairness the most. I am all for being free spirits not letting "the man" tell us what to do. But my kids? They want structure, fairness, turns and boundaries, at least so far. I have three children so we have a timetable for computer time and if someone goes over their allotted slot... Outrage and arguments. If one child prevents another from having a turn on the trampoline... Ditto. If I try and mix it up and be lax about these things they get shitty with me and each other!

At the park they are very patient with younger children (they are between 8 and 12), but I have had to intervene in occasion to keep things civil, most recently when a free spirited group of 3-6 yo's decided to go all lord of the flies and start beating ds (age 12) up! Their choice of activity was fun for them but damaging to ds, but he didn't know how to stop them without hurting them!

I am not all that impressed by the notion that a group of children using a slide should wait patiently for a toddler to clamber up it seems a bit self centred to me. That sort of action is only ok when the slide is not already being used, a toddler already thinks they are the centre of the universe they don't need to be treated like they are all the time.

ThreeLeggedHaggis · 23/04/2017 18:46

Kitten my younger brother broke his nose when he was 4 because he moronically decided to run off to go up the slide despite being told not to.

My little cousin broke her arm! I was only a child at the time and the sight of the accident stayed with me for many, many years.

I'm so glad Kitten's son - if he exists - is going to school rather than being home educated. He has a chance to grow up without a massive sense of entitlement.

babybythesea · 23/04/2017 18:48

Bigmouth, I once saw a good episode of Supernanny where she explained it like this:
Imagine you start a new job. The manager doesn't tell you any of the requirement,ps, or restrictions. Instead, you seem free to do whatever you like. How do you feel? Unsettled? Probably, because generally people like to know what is expected of them. Ow one day something changes - maybe you are asked to go to a new office for a day. And suddenly you are yelled at for not following a rule you didn't even know existed, or for not doing something you didn't know you had to do. Now how do you feel?
That way of looking at it kind of made sense to me.

twoforthepriceofone22 · 23/04/2017 18:49

This thread has given me the best laugh I've had all day!!
Op absolutely fine, kids get overexcited in soft play and are not always supervised, as long as you don't yell at or scare the other kid it shouldn't be a problem:

I can't wait to read the threads in three years time when free spirited mini kitten is having problems at school because they are boring follow the rule types and are violating his personal autonomy GrinGrin

bigmouthstrikesagain · 23/04/2017 18:56

baby Supernanny wisdom? "Unnasseptable"Wink

I know what you are saying. To be fair for my older children being very rule abiding and hating any perceived injustice is not surprising as they have both been diagnosed with aspergers - learning social rules is hard enough without having to deal with other children breaking them, apparently at random.

Wellthen · 23/04/2017 19:08

The 'no kids were using the slide at first' isa MASSIVE drip feed!!

The picture you painted is that children were busily using the slide, you wait with ds for his turn. You then ask all the children using the slide properly to stop because it's his turn, despite the fact he wasn't in the queue. You interpret their proper use of the slide as 'not letting' him have his go.

NOW you say ds approached and empty slide and started to clamber up. When other children then wanted to slide down you asked them to wait a little longer so he could have a chance to climb up. I don't think this is entirely unreasonable as long as you only let him do it when the slide is free and you only take a minute maximum.

What is massively unreasonable is your constant nonsense.
There is no right way to play....but you must take turns or you're a douche.
All children should be supervised so that mine can do as they like.
To teach my child not to be risk adverse I will allow them to get s bloody nose, their front teeth knocked out and completely traumatised.

Play is often a social thing (although not usually at 20 months I grant you) so unfortunately yes there is a right way to play actually. You play in a way that allows everyone enjoyment. Even children's imaginative role play games have unwritten rules do all this free spirited crap is just bollocks.