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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked if the lady had children with her in parent and child space?

220 replies

CoffeeCoffeeCoffeeCat · 23/04/2017 11:05

So I know I probably was being unreasonable (pregnant, hormonal, toddler playing up royally that day!) but I just wondered how long I needed to feel mortified for.
Waiting to pull into a parent and child space but due to layout of car park other car got there first. Lady got out, locked car, started walking away. I couldn't see any child or car seat in the car from my view, so pressumed she was doing my massive bug bear of using P&C space with no child. So I wound down my window to call her out on it.
Coffe "Excuse me, how many children do you have with you to park in that space?!"
Lady "What?"
Coffee "It's a parent and child parking space for people with children!"
Lady"Of course I've got a child with me"
Coffe (hands shooting up to mouth in dismay) "have you? Oh I'm so sorry."
Lady (extremely cross) "don't you judge me, how dare you"
Coffee "I am sorry, you must hate it when people park in these spaces without kids too tho? I didn't realise"
Lady-storms off sending me evils.

I wasn't judging her and unsure how she thought I was, just when she locked the car and went to walk off without getting a child out, it looks like you dont have a kid with you surely! She was going to get a trolley which was obviously fine, and I won't be questioning anyone about their accompanying child status again, but it was a fair enough assumption no?? And I wasn't agressive about it at all!
Had to do my shop in Sainsbury's instead of Aldi as that's where she headed, and I was too miserable/embarrassed to bump into her.
Small local area and now living in fear of bumping into her Confused
How unreasonable was I?!

OP posts:
TeaQuiero · 23/04/2017 12:51

Do just keep it shut.

Accosting people in the street and accusing them of being liars frankly makes you the bad guy. You wouldn't have chased someone walking upright out of a disabled space would you?

Maybe the baby and father had already gone on ahead.

Maybe she was in the middle of a miscarriage and wanted pads, and frankly she felt like she deserved the space and it's none of your business.

They're not legally protected. Just walk on.

And no, plenty of people really don't care who parks in them. I've never really understood why having given birth means I need a space nearer the door, my children have legs.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 23/04/2017 12:52

I very nearly asked someone years ago when i parked at a leisure centre just pipped to the post by another car

A man got out with no children anywhere in the car and went into the centre

I followed behind debating whether it was a big deal enough to say anything

Thank god i didnt as he and his partner were obviously doing a child swap!!! I walked in just in time to see the hand over Blush

Youve learnt a lesson OP, dont beat yourself up about it

IntheBenefitTrap · 23/04/2017 13:04

I do wish people would stop doing this. I've been screamed at for parking in a P&C space when there were no disabled spaces left and I had DS with me! I've lost count of the amount of times I've been shouted at for parking in a disabled space. I have a blue badge. I've been accused of being too young to be disabled, lying, being a benefit fraud (Oh the irony, I don't have any benefits) and someone even snatched my badge off me, shouting that I must have stolen it. It's stopped me going shopping because I've developed severe anxiety and I'm terrified of what people are going to say to me next.

ADishBestEatenCold · 23/04/2017 13:05

"I wasn't judging her and unsure how she thought I was"

Really? Hmm

"(pregnant, hormonal, toddler playing up royally that day!)"

Always amazes me that these three are regularly trotted out as an excuse for unreasonableness. Wink

" but it was a fair enough assumption no??"

No! Grin

"And I wasn't agressive about it at all!"

Passive aggressive then??? - - > "Excuse me, how many children do you have with you to park in that space?!"

"How unreasonable was I?!"

Well, you were unreasonable, but on the richter scale of life I think there are probably bigger things to worry about. I certainly wouldn't be changing shops over it. Smile

RachelRagged · 23/04/2017 13:14

Not being funny OP but round here you would likely have got more than a shitty reply

YABU . Get over yourself ,, for your sake . Never know who you say it to next time may respond.

witsender · 23/04/2017 13:16

You weren't unreasonable, but I wouldn't have done it. I've mentioned a lack of blue badge to people before, but that's different. You get a whole other category of arsehole parking in a disabled bay without a badge though so you have to judge it carefully.

UppityHumpty · 23/04/2017 13:21

Yabu. I use P&C spaces without a child when my ibd flares up. I would have just ignored you then complained to you with the store management for aggressive behaviour. P&C spaces are not legally protected.

JaneEyre70 · 23/04/2017 13:23

There is a Lidl near us that has a genius way of P & C parking - they're in the quieter corner of the car park away from the store entrance, and have a trolley park next to it. They are huge spaces, and used by those who should be using them instead of those who just want to park closest to the door. It's so simples.

checkin · 23/04/2017 13:24

I struggle to get annoyed over this.

When I was pregnant, had small toddlers, if there were no p&c spaces, I simply parked further away to allow for space.

If there are walking issues due to pregnancy etc there is always online shopping.

I certainly wouldn't it ruin my day.

Sparklingbrook · 23/04/2017 13:24

There does seem to be a trend for the stroppy parkers posting in AIBU about P&C parking being pregnant and having unruly toddlers. Grin

Bluntness100 · 23/04/2017 13:25

I had a stupid woman do this to me too, parked and was gong to collect my daughter from nursery, she came shooting over shouting about how this was a parent and child space and I couldn't park there, all shouty and angry. I just looked at her like she was deranged as she clearly was and told her I was going to get my daughter from nursery. At which point she just said oh, looked confused and shot off. Total twat. No apology or anything.

Honestly playing parking warden is just twattish in my view, and more twattish than parking in one of those spaces. Two wrongs don't make a right. When you're driving round public car parks randomly calling out people on if they've parked in the correct spot you're being a total twat in my view.

Mehfruittea · 23/04/2017 13:27

As PP have said, I use P&C spaces when all disabled spaces a are full. Or if some designer cunt put the P&C spaces closer to the door.

I use a wheelchair but can walk and will do so if I feel I can. This helps to keep muscle tone. I have been verbally abused on numerous occasions. Don't judge. By asking the question, you judged your need as greater than theirs.

RockyBird · 23/04/2017 13:29

I happily park in p&c places when I don't have the ankle biters with me. I'd laugh at anyone who thought it was ok to shout at me for it.

feathermucker · 23/04/2017 13:32

The OP has stated the other person went to get a trolley! Not an ignorant bitch at all! I'd have probably had the same reaction to being asked how many children I had with me tbh!

OP, what's done is done......dont beat yourself up now over it Flowers

MidnightAura · 23/04/2017 13:33

I can't believe people actually confront each other over this. If I were using a P and C parking space if I had a child with me and someone called me out on it, I can't say I would react nicely either.

Orlantina · 23/04/2017 13:37

Confesses to using P &C space at 9pm when there were loads of spare spaces next to supermarket. Because most children are in bed at that time.

Runs away.

Ollivander84 · 23/04/2017 13:38

I'm using p&c spaces at the minute. I wouldn't ever use a disabled space but if there is no end of row space, I can't get out the car without my door being wide open. It's a temporary thing and I try my best to park on the end of a row but I can't walk far without support of a trolley either

theothersideoftheworld · 23/04/2017 13:40

How do you know her child wasn't already in the shop with her partner and she was meeting them there?
This happened to me, I parked in a P&C and went into the shop to meet my parents and 18 month old. When we came out someone had put a note on my car saying 'no child in this car'. I was furious, who the hell is anyone else to go round questioning and judging anyone else? If I knew who had written it, they would have got a right earful.

Potatobake · 23/04/2017 13:40

FGS. Just use them if you have small children/babies with you who can't walk far. If you have a toddler, then they can toddle to the trolley. If kids can walk, then walk them. It's so easy. I can't see why it causes so much aggro. Hmm Oh yes, and "So I wound down my window to call her out on it." You were up for a fight either way.

cansu · 23/04/2017 13:41

I really really wish people would not feel the need to police everyone else's behaviour. Op you were being officious and needed to wind your neck in. You were caught out here as clearly you were happy to give a total stranger a telling off. I had someone give me a judgemental look when I parked in one with my 12 year old dd. She isn't a toddler but has the behaviour and awareness of one given that she is quite severely autistic. I therefore have my reasons for using a space close to the shop. From the outside it might look like I am taking the piss and this is why you need to refrain from putting me in my place! I might not want to explain my dd special needs to you in order to prove why I need to use the space.

Many threads on here are about others ticking off other people who are just trying to get through their day.

Orlantina · 23/04/2017 13:44

I wonder what the op would have said if the woman had said that there was no child in there? Or if it had been a man who had parked there?

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 23/04/2017 13:46

Christ on a bike OP. When you next feel like being judgemental in public, do the rest of us a favour and don't try using the pregnanthormoney thing as an excuse.
It isn't.
You behave like an idiot, own it.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 23/04/2017 13:47

Do you mean she left the child in the car whilst she went to get a trolley and you just assumed she didn't have a child with her OP? If so I'd have been arsey with someone who'd self appointed themselves as the parking police too!

Then again I'd have probably just ignored any randomer asking where my child is and carried on about my business.
This is why I prefer online shopping. None of this checking to see you've got your offspring with you before you dare to use a space.

LumelaMme · 23/04/2017 13:48

OP, YANBU.
I did the same thing once, politely, and was told off rudely by the driver who was meeting her mum and DC at the store.

If she'd told me off politely I'd have been really mortified. But she was rude, so I was only slightly mortified.

There are some epic piss-takers out there, and if no one ever says anything, they can kid themselves that their behaviour is okay and no one cares.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 23/04/2017 13:50

Why are they pisstakers exactly? Hmm