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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked if the lady had children with her in parent and child space?

220 replies

CoffeeCoffeeCoffeeCat · 23/04/2017 11:05

So I know I probably was being unreasonable (pregnant, hormonal, toddler playing up royally that day!) but I just wondered how long I needed to feel mortified for.
Waiting to pull into a parent and child space but due to layout of car park other car got there first. Lady got out, locked car, started walking away. I couldn't see any child or car seat in the car from my view, so pressumed she was doing my massive bug bear of using P&C space with no child. So I wound down my window to call her out on it.
Coffe "Excuse me, how many children do you have with you to park in that space?!"
Lady "What?"
Coffee "It's a parent and child parking space for people with children!"
Lady"Of course I've got a child with me"
Coffe (hands shooting up to mouth in dismay) "have you? Oh I'm so sorry."
Lady (extremely cross) "don't you judge me, how dare you"
Coffee "I am sorry, you must hate it when people park in these spaces without kids too tho? I didn't realise"
Lady-storms off sending me evils.

I wasn't judging her and unsure how she thought I was, just when she locked the car and went to walk off without getting a child out, it looks like you dont have a kid with you surely! She was going to get a trolley which was obviously fine, and I won't be questioning anyone about their accompanying child status again, but it was a fair enough assumption no?? And I wasn't agressive about it at all!
Had to do my shop in Sainsbury's instead of Aldi as that's where she headed, and I was too miserable/embarrassed to bump into her.
Small local area and now living in fear of bumping into her Confused
How unreasonable was I?!

OP posts:
faithinthesound · 23/04/2017 11:58

For the umpteenth time, Parent and Child parking is a privilege, not a right, and is not enforceable by law. Anyone can park there if they bloody well want to and there's not a damn thing you can do about it - except pout and stomp your foot a bit.

So yes, YWBVU to have her up about "how many children does she have that she's parking there" like it's any of your business (it isn't). Self-appointed parking wardens really grind my gears.

IndiaGrace · 23/04/2017 11:59

Our local supermarket has signs up that say misuse of the spaces will result in a fine. Probably just a deterrent, but am I correct in assuming that such a fine would not be enforceable?

NurseButtercup · 23/04/2017 11:59

You reacted in a manner that felt right to you in that moment. Was you unreasonable? not really.

Even though the spaces are clearly labelled and marked either disabled or parent & child, I understand it's an optional, not mandatory courtesy for people to not use the space if they don't fall into either of the two groups.

I have a friend with young children who parks in the parent and child space even when she's left the kids at home Hmm

My stupid idiot ex-bf had a blue badge to take his mom out and about. He used to use it when she wasn't with him & park in the disabled bay's. I remember we went to late night cinema, carpark was empty and he pulled up in the disabled bay. I refused to get out until he moved to a different space.

TheFairyCaravan · 23/04/2017 12:00

YWBU.

It's best not to act like the parking police because you end up looking like a bit of a tit.

faithinthesound · 23/04/2017 12:03

I said they're not enforceable by LAW. Presumably the parking areas of a supermarket, while open to the public, are still privately owned (as opposed to government land/property) and therefore the owners can choose to enforce this ridiculousness by pursuing fines through civil court if that's how they want to waste their time and money (because court fees).

But that's their choice. Not OP's.

Trifleorbust · 23/04/2017 12:15

Don't forget that on MN, P&C spaces are an unthinkable luxury. Just 'pop them in a sling' and carry them across the car park, WTF is wrong with you?

Grin
faithinthesound · 23/04/2017 12:16

Oh and that only counts for the Parent and Child parking - disabled parking IS enforceable by law and permit-regulated by the government and so it should be - or else all the prats moaning about not being able to park in the parent parking would zoom into the blue-badge spots without a second thought.

(for the record, I do not think that parent automatically equals prat. I think that "parent who insists on special treatment and polices everyone else's behavior but their own" equals prat. The people kicking off the biggest stink about these spots are invariably oddly silent while little Tarquin smears cake into another adult's carpet).

Original poster
CoffeeCoffeeCoffeeCat · 23/04/2017 12:17

As I said, I am aware I was unreasonable as she DID have a child. I reacted that way as from how it appeared, she didn't seem to. I did apologise straight away, I wasn't nasty or shouty like some other peoples confronters have been, but yes, I did feel I should call her out on it when it looked like she had no kids with her.
That's fine that some people seem to have no regard for these spaces, that's your perogative. However I don't think it makes you a particularly fab person if you take one without kids, which is my prerogative.
And just as an add on, there are absolutely loads of disabled bays in the car park which is good, but negates the argumeant of 'she might have been disabled'. And despite these often being mostly empty, I'd still never park in one. It's not about being legally enforceable or 'parking police' just common decency in my view.
I did wonder if I'd appear in a thread from her about the entitled cow in the car park!

OP posts:
Spikeyball · 23/04/2017 12:19

You can be disabled but not have a bb.

ZilphasHatpin · 23/04/2017 12:19

I did feel I should call her out on it when it looked like she had no kids with her.

Why?

IndiaGrace · 23/04/2017 12:21

Yeah you're right, it is your prerogative to be the parking police if you want.

But you can't really complain when you are over zealous and make yourself look a twat in the process.

faithinthesound · 23/04/2017 12:21

Because she's appointed herself the parking police, obviously. Hmm

dementedma · 23/04/2017 12:22

YABU
If it's a space reserved for a blue badge holder then fine. Otherwise,she, and everyone else can park where they damn well like in supermarket spaces. What gives you the right to demand a special space? I park in P&C spaces when I have my elderly mother with me as she is unsteady on her feet. I am dying for someone to call me on it.....

faithinthesound · 23/04/2017 12:25

You know what else is common decency, OP? Minding your own business.

(In cases that don't involve life or death or some sort of actual crime in progress, I hasten to add).

You were BU to call her out.
You were BU to think it was any of your business
You were BU to think you were going to get pats on the back and hip-hurrahs in AIBU with this story (or any other, really - AIBUers are notorious for lack of kid gloves!! Grin
You are still BU now with every self righteous "but it's common decency" post you type.

I don't mean to be awful, but this was a non-issue that you made into an issue and seem to have got very worked up about.

I got worked up too, I will admit, but that is largely because I can never quite reconcile how staggeringly stupid I think parent and child parking is, both as a concept and in execution (but that is a Me problem, not a You problem, and I will sort that out myself).

Take a breath and do something to take your mind off it for a bit.

faithinthesound · 23/04/2017 12:26

dementedma
I do similar with my mother, who recently had both knees replaced.

Where is the problem? She is still my parent, and I am still her child, am I not? Grin

TheFairyCaravan · 23/04/2017 12:28

I did feel I should call her out on it when it looked like she had no kids with her.

Keep doing that and you're going to spend a lot of time feeling too miserable and embarrassed incase you bump into the person, not to mention spending extra money because you refuse to go into Aldi if they're heading that way.

It's a bloody ridiculous way to go on.

FrancisCrawford · 23/04/2017 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stitchglitched · 23/04/2017 12:28

'Negates the argument of 'she might have been disabled'

Not really. It is entirely possible to be disabled and not be granted a blue badge.

KoalaDownUnder · 23/04/2017 12:31

The parent and parking spaces here are no wider, they are just closer to the entrance.

I will never park in one without a child if there are other spaces free.

If there are no other spaces free, I will absolutely park in one before I will a) keep circling the car park, or b) go home.

I frankly could not care less if you had a go at me for doing so. In fact, I would invite you to report my car to centre management. Because they will do precisely nothing.

FrancisCrawford · 23/04/2017 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZilphasHatpin · 23/04/2017 12:32

Do you call all drivers you see leaving cars in P&C spaces without children? Or just the ones who take the space you were aiming for?

reuset · 23/04/2017 12:38

Ooh it never ends well, members of the public attempting to police the parent and child parking spaces, OP! There always seems to be an altercation, resulting in the many threads here on the subject Grin

reuset · 23/04/2017 12:43

You made a mistake and apologised, OP. Don't worry about it. I've seen worse threads about p and c parking, including one where the OP called the other woman fat!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 23/04/2017 12:43

Common decency also involves not going round challenging random people about things that have nothing to do with you.

And you know people can be temporarily disabled without having a blue badge?

And you weren't unreasonable because she had a child with her, you were unreasonable for challenging her in the first place.

If I had been her I would have been worrying about it all day because I have anxiety - pregnancy hormones aren't an excuse.

It's none of your business - if you have an issue with it, speak to a teacher supermarket worker. Otherwise in future get on with your day, let others get on with theirs and things will be fine Smile

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 23/04/2017 12:45

There are also people in my area who would have been very aggressive if they had been challenged in that situation unfortunately