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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be sat here doing most of my 9yr old ds's homework?

147 replies

Ihatecrafting · 21/04/2017 18:33

He goes back to school next week, he has had 3 weeks off, mostly at soccer / rugby camps and doing fun stuff. He has a shit tonne load of homework to do which has caused major sulk fests. I've tried to break it into doable chunks but with no joy. To save huge arguments and because he is 9 ffs I have started doing it with him - but mainly for him. I will go through it all with him before he goes back to school and quiz him etc. Am I being a soft touch?

OP posts:
befuddledgardener · 22/04/2017 11:34

Trifle - what you want is kids to be little robots and unquestioningly tow the line. For teachers to say jump and the kids/parents to ask how high.

The reality is that parents support their kids to do a wide range of educational things, fun things and life skills (travel, cook, build dens in scrubland, cycle rides, visit free galleries, build Lego models, reading books, reading the time, gardening, playing team games, imaginative play). Apart from reading, I don't believe that primary school aged children should be doing school work in the holidays. The holidays are a chance to devote quality time to something wider then a narrowly set unimaginative curriculum.

Non of my primary school children did holiday homework (except for free reading). They all made the transition to secondary homework with no issue at all.

keeplooking · 22/04/2017 11:34

He has a shit tonne load of homework to do

A 9 year old should not have a 'shit tonne load of homework' in the Easter holidays. That's bad management on the part of the school.

YANBU

Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 11:40

befuddledgardene:

Do I shite. What I want is for them to be properly educated, as is their right.

MaisyPops · 22/04/2017 11:51

I don't think Trifle wants kids to be robots at all!
They're just saying that homework should be completed. If there's an issue parents should raise it in private with the teacher and not give the impression that if timmy doesn't like something they'll tell the teacher he doesn't have to do it.

But this is MN where a proportion of people feel that rules (attendance, homework, uniform, detentions) apply to other kids all the time and their child some of the time.

So many threads on MN where people are all too quick to complain about a teacher, tell their kid they don't have to attend detention etc.

keeplooking · 22/04/2017 11:54

What I want is for them to be properly educated,

Agreed, but for generations, primary school children were properly educated without having loads of homework in the school holidays. If the schools are not able to manage to cover the curriculum adequately without setting massive amounts of homework, then there is something wrong with the system, imo.

There is more to education (and life) than slaving over homework at age 9.

Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 12:05

keeplooking:

I agree - I don't set holiday homework.

Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 12:06

And I would add, setting homework and expecting it to be done is part of my job. If I was selective about which parts of my job I carried out, parents would rightly object.

keeplooking · 22/04/2017 12:11

And when I say 'the system', I mean the ever-increasing number of hoops through which schools are now expected to get their children to jump.

Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 12:19

travel, cook, build dens in scrubland, cycle rides, visit free galleries, build Lego models, reading books, reading the time, gardening, playing team games, imaginative play).

And I would also add, that whilst these valuable activities are part of a broader 'education', and I don't object in any way to the idea that children should have time to be children, this list is (in my opinion) an example of how some parents (on MN it is particularly in evidence) seem to have adopted a quite strident stance of anti-intellectualism. They seem to hold the view that if a child is rolling around in the daffodils, they will, by some mystical process, the mechanics of which prove stubbornly elusive to me, almost certainly be 'learning' about how the body works, Wordsworth, the history of the British Isles and the parts of plants at the same time. They won't. Learning does actually require the acquisition of knowledge and the practise and embedding of skill. That is why we have these places called schools, and why those schools set this thing called homework.

Original poster
Ihatecrafting · 22/04/2017 13:06

Surely at primary school age it has to be a balance of both Trifle?

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 22/04/2017 13:22

OP. Trifle has already said they don't set holiday homework.

Why is it so odd that Trifle is suggesting people do homework that's set by staff. Only on MN.

HopeClearwater · 22/04/2017 13:23

You pay for private school, you get loads of homework. That's what private schools think parents want. Homework, expensive uniform in an obviously non-state school colour and style (see LV Ascot) and entry to Oxbridge / Russell Group universities. Suck it up...

HopeClearwater · 22/04/2017 13:24

Surely at primary school age it has to be a balance of both

Your job to sort that.

Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 13:38

Of course it has to be a balance.

Original poster
Ihatecrafting · 22/04/2017 13:46

Hopeclearwater
I pay for private school because our local school has 41 kids per class
His school has 12 per class
This is important to me
His uniform is very basic and is no importance whatsoever.
Trifle implied that learning only happens in school which is obviously a load of crap for primary age kids
This is the first time he has had so much homework and this thread has highlighted that for a 9 yr old it was too much, I will discuss this with the school and ensure his next holiday homework doesn't overwhelm him quite like it has done this time.
Trifle I manage the fun stuff adequately and he does have a great balance between school and home. He actually really enjoys school too which helps loads.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 13:48

Trifle implied that learning only happens in school which is obviously a load of crap for primary age kids

I did not!

Original poster
Ihatecrafting · 22/04/2017 13:49

knowledge and the practise and embedding of skill. That is why we have these places called schools,
Hmm

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 13:51

You have decontextualised my comment, which relates to the sum of formal and informal modes of learning, and my view that some people undervalue formal learning, which does, overwhelmingly, take place in schools or is facilitated by schools.

grasspigeons · 22/04/2017 14:08

I have taken the leave them to it tactic with homework. I help if asked and suggest good times to do it but of they want to get told off and have detentions it's up to them. I do sit and read what they have bern asked to do so I can sneak similar activities in without them noticing too much though

UppityHumpty · 22/04/2017 14:18

My dd goes to private school too. Doing homework is part of the core standards at her school - if she just doesn't she could get expelled (other kids have). She understands this in a way most 8 year olds do - if she wants to stay in the school with her other friends, she must abide by their standards. It means no bullying, doing homework, and being helpful and friendly.

ScarlettFreestone · 22/04/2017 14:53

I have nine year olds.

They get about 90 mins homework a night, sometimes more if there's a project to be done.

I think it's too much but that's irrelevant.

It's been set by the teacher, everyone else in their classes have the same work, it needs to be done.

Your real issue with this homework is that you aren't used to helping him manage it daily (because it's usually done in school).

Coming home tired after clubs is when most kids do their homework everyday. It's not really a good excuse for leaving it all to the last minute I'm afraid.

Original poster
Ihatecrafting · 22/04/2017 15:00

I would never have him at a school that has 90 mins per night of homework aged 9. Wouldn't happen. I fundamentally disagree with that and wouldn't put him through it if had to be done when he got home tired after clubs.
Yes, it is true I am not well practiced with homework.
Although it has not been left to the last minute, the online maths and reading was all done early on. Yesterday I was struggling to get him to do the webpage and today writing up the book reviews has been like pulling teeth I they have been done (badly).

OP posts:
Evelight · 22/04/2017 15:00

Not having read through the thread- just curious as to how you are doing the homework for a 9-yr old? My kids' homework at that age was usually written book reports/a couple of pages of maths they have to fill in etc. Point is, it had to be done in their handwriting- if I did it for them (and god knows there were times I was tempted)- it would have immediately stood out since forging is not one the mommy skills I have honed, and I could forge their handwriting.

I have sat beside them to encourage them to complete stuff.

And once I built DD's "simple machine" project after she was an exhausted mass of frustrated tears. It was fun :)- a lego machine which watered lego flowers from the top window of a lego house :)

Aeroflotgirl · 22/04/2017 15:02

Thing is op, he did not need to do soccer camps or fun stuff during the holidays until his homework had been done first. Really you should have planned this better.

Vegansnake · 22/04/2017 15:06

I've a child in year 2.. wayyy to much homework is set..we do spellings ,reading and maths,a few times a week...I have to sit with him to do it..it's like pulling teeth..I don't think they should have any..I wouldn't be doing it for my dc aged 9.