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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be sat here doing most of my 9yr old ds's homework?

147 replies

Ihatecrafting · 21/04/2017 18:33

He goes back to school next week, he has had 3 weeks off, mostly at soccer / rugby camps and doing fun stuff. He has a shit tonne load of homework to do which has caused major sulk fests. I've tried to break it into doable chunks but with no joy. To save huge arguments and because he is 9 ffs I have started doing it with him - but mainly for him. I will go through it all with him before he goes back to school and quiz him etc. Am I being a soft touch?

OP posts:

OffRoader · 21/04/2017 20:27

It's just a box ticking exercise for showing you promote a good 'home-school partnership'.

There's nothing that a primary teacher needs homework for.

JigglyTuff · 21/04/2017 20:29

I don't know mumzypops but I'm fairly certain.

ToffeeCaramel · 21/04/2017 20:37

Dd's primary no longer does holiday homework. I assume it's come in with the new head. The previous head instigated loads of homework being given although it lessened when parents were saying at parents' eve that it was too much.

Original poster

Ihatecrafting · 21/04/2017 21:32

He's never had this volume of homework before. His teacher is really reasonable so I'm hoping it wasn't her intention to overwhelm him. I will let her know how much I helped etc next week. I am worried that if I don't help then he will be behind on research for next terms topic (which we have done together tonight - but I actually put the info on a web page thingie for him) and also he would miss breaks until he caught up - which is not good for a kid with ADHD - he would just end up in a cycle of issues due to pent up energy. I totally get it that it is pointless for me to do it though and if this is how things will be in the future, I need to find a way to get him to crack on with it. He has agreed to do two book reviews tomorrow morning, I said he can spend a max of 20 mins on each one and just do as much as he can, he seems happy with that.

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 08:12

For every parent who wants to abolish homework because it's too much there is a parent complaining that their child gets too little. Schools can't please everyone.

AlexanderHamilton · 22/04/2017 08:22

Lol Trifle - I'm both of those parents. Ds gets far too much & dd doesn't get enough (years 8 & 10)

I personally think 2 pieces per night approx 45 mins is ample going up to an hour by GCSE's.

Ds year 8 gets between 2-4 pieces every night (approx 60mins - 2hours). Dd gets maybe 30-45 mins per night or sometimes none at all.

Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 08:30

AlexanderHamilton:

Seriously, though, 1,000 students in my school - that's' 2,000 potential parental opinions!

AlexanderHamilton · 22/04/2017 08:32

My children's school has far far less students at least (& dh teaches at ds's school so I just moan to him!)

NapQueen · 22/04/2017 08:33

How long do the book reviews have to be? Surely he could just say "my favourite character was...." the best part was....." "I would/wouldnt recommend this to my friends" three sentances done.

The flyer could be 20 mins of research one day, 20 mins of drafting up the flyer another day and 20 mins making it on another day.

AlexanderHamilton · 22/04/2017 08:34

I did read somewhere though (in my defence) that some study somewhere had proved 1 hour to be the optimal amount in secondary & more was just counter productive.

In ds's case he simply can't cope with the amount, he gets overloaded & shuts down.

AlexanderHamilton · 22/04/2017 08:35

Dh teaches at dd's school (auto correct doesn't like dd)

bookwormnerd · 22/04/2017 08:36

They do get to much homework. I would support. I do 5 year olds homework with her ( yes in yr 1 my 5 year old gets maths, english, spelling, reading and now phonics homework every week) the teacher knows she doesnt do on own but knows im supporting her as daughter doesnt always understand stuff in class so we go through together where I teach her. I reinforce the learning at home so she can do stuff at school as I can give her one on one so she can understand without having a whole class to support

bookwormnerd · 22/04/2017 08:42

I do think poor primary school children get to much, its much more than I had when I was at school.

thegreylady · 22/04/2017 08:42

That is a huge amount! My 10 year old dgs had two Maths tests(online) some Spellathon exercises and one book review of a book read at school. The family was away camping for most of the holidays and he completed his work himself quite easily. I'd query the amount if I were you.

ittakes2 · 22/04/2017 08:46

He's 9 - he didn't book himself into and drive himself to all those fun activities! It was your responsibility to teach him how to balance the fun with doing bits of homework along the way so it doesn't build up. He's 9 - if you don't teach him this homework skill who will? As for doing his homework - are you in part doing it because you realise you should have got him to do it along the way?

AlexanderHamilton · 22/04/2017 08:54

Most of us have to put our children into these camps for childcare reasons or we might you know even actually go on holiday for a week or two.

This year dd & dh got different Easter holidays to dh (just 1 week overlap)

ittakes2 · 22/04/2017 09:01

Sorry I missed your second post saying you had booked him into those fun activities because you had to work - I thought you were saying he wanted to do the fun activities and now has run out of time to do his homework. If the homework is too much - just a note to the teacher will do. Teachers don't deliberately overwhelm children - maybe all those things were set for parents who wanted extra homework for their kids over the break and doing it all is optional.

Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 09:14

three sentances done

Well, that just about says it all

BusyBeez99 · 22/04/2017 09:21

I've always helped with holiday homework as I am against it. Supposedly teachers say the kids need a break but then set all this homework they never mark. They are primary kids. From someone whose child is now in year 6, take it from me that it won't matter if you help !

Parker231 · 22/04/2017 09:28

Just tell the school as it was the holiday. No school work is done. I don't believe in holiday homework. They need a break from school stuff. My DC's never did any of the holiday homework set by their schools.

MaisyPops · 22/04/2017 09:36

Nine year olds shouldn't have homework.YANBU.
Whether you think 9 year olds should/shouldn't have it, it's been set. By doing it for the child you send a message that you can get out of stuff you don't want to do.

It's like when I set work for a gcse class and they need it for Tuesdays lesson. Tuesday rolls round and little timmy hands me a note from his mam saying "we were busy at the weekend and timmy didn't have time to do his homework" tough.
Now timmy can't participate in the lesson because that work is the focus of the lesson, I now scramble to find a different task for timmy.

Fine if timmy hadn't managed his own time, I'd scramble around and sanction him for no doing it. But when there's a note from home excusing them from doing homework 90% of the time it's a non reason. Now instead of just sending a detention letter home I have to ring home and explain Timmy STILL has a detention because he hasn't done his homework and if Timmy wants to do all these extra things he needs to manage his time better.

When reports come out and Timmy isn't where he should be, you can bet Mr and Mrs Timmy want to know what extra I'm doing to help their child get his grades. My response, BEFORE Timmy gets anything extra Timmy needs to be completing his homework to a decent standard all the time. Would you like him booking into homework club?

MaisyPops · 22/04/2017 09:39

I should add. I've only set 1 class homework over easter that should take 45 mins.
Gcse and A level I've just told them to revise.

I'm not some kind of death by homework teacher. But what I do set I expect doing

sheepskinshrug · 22/04/2017 09:39

Ds used to lie about the book so he'd read because although he really enjoyed reading, he loathed having to do so many book reports - way to put a kid off reading!

Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 10:21

All these parents colliding with their kids to get them out of doing their homework - this will bite you on the arse down the line. You are teaching them to disrespect their own learning and their teacher's authority. You are teaching them that it is okay to make excuses and flat out refuse to do things you have been asked to do by someone in a position of responsibility for them.

I hope you don't start moaning to their teachers that they need extra help and 'intervention sessions' in secondary.

Trifleorbust · 22/04/2017 10:26

*colluding

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