AIBU to be sat here doing most of my 9yr old ds's homework?

[Ihatecrafting]

He goes back to school next week, he has had 3 weeks off, mostly at soccer / rugby camps and doing fun stuff. He has a shit tonne load of homework to do which has caused major sulk fests. I've tried to break it into doable chunks but with no joy. To save huge arguments and because he is 9 ffs I have started doing it with him - but mainly for him. I will go through it all with him before he goes back to school and quiz him etc. Am I being a soft touch?

My DD is at a prep. She gets nowhere near the level of homework the OP's child gets.

I think its really important though that children do their own homework - what is the point of letting teachers mark your work? Pointless all around and a waste of the teacher's time

Trifleorbust
Exactly. But then it'll all be school's fault anyway Trifle obviously. Always is with people who pick and choose.

Before Easter a Y11 was really moody with me because they're only on a 4. I pointed out that their parents have paid for tutoring for 18 months. I've been doing revision for the last year. They attended but coasted. They rarely do homework on time or to a reasonable standard. They were moody with me because they're not getting a 5 at the moment! (Rest of the class doing really well so the student thinks it's "unfair")
Me and home and lead the horse to water but we can't make it drink.

Home have been great during GCSE years but even they said on parents Eve of y10 we wished we'd been a bit tougher on him further down the school when he'd rush/miss homework and coast in class. They never excused it the way some posters are on here but they can see the effect of poor habits now.

Regular homework is a non issue for him, all kids do their homework at school before coming home each day, they finish at 5.15pm every day. He keeps on top of what needs doing.
Perhaps this is why holiday homework of this quantity is such a shock to us, and he doesn't yet have his head around doing schoolwork at home.
He is 9, and not doing GCSE's
I never complain to his teachers about where he is at academically, he is fine and I am not pushing for him to be hugely academic but would much rather he was socially and emotionally well balanced at this age. The school he goes to has been very much selected for that reason.

He is 9, and not doing GCSE's hmm

Yes, NOW he is 9 and not doing GCSEs. But the lessons you are teaching him by doing his homework for him will remain with him.

He does his own homework everyday termtime. Completely 100% on his own!

Good. But I still think you are teaching him the wrong lesson. If you disagree so much with the amount of homework, speak to the teacher and ask him or her to set less. Tell him how long he has to do the homework and leave him to it.

I still help him brush his teeth sometimes too, does that mean when he's 22 he will expect me to do that too?
Does maturity not bring along some responsibility and independence in a fairly natural way?

Can't you just send a note in and say he didn't have time during the holiday and will have it complete by xyz date? Plenty of people go on holiday over Easter and I'm sure wouldn't be taking homework with them

Second what Trifle says.
It's about instilling habits. And if he's sulking and then you help him do it then what's stopping him trying it next time he has a busy weekend in term time.

Personally, I think the amount he has been set is too much for the holidays (more than I've set my GCSE students).

But, he needs to do it on his own (with encouragement) or he doesn't do it and he gets told off.

What I would do is privately (and totally independent of what he does for his homework) is arrange a quiet chat with the teacher about the amount of homework seem but that's between you and the teacher only.

I have a lot of students who did drama productions locally. They mentioned it to me in advance and instead of setting homework Thursday to Tuesday, I set it Wednesday TO Wednesday for a month or so to help them. We're pretty reasonable when supported.

Good. But I still think you are teaching him the wrong lesson. If you disagree so much with the amount of homework, speak to the teacher and ask him or her to set less. Tell him how long he has to do the homework and leave him to it

Our school very much work on this basis. They're very clear that each piece should take no more than 25 minutes. And once you get to 25 minutes stop.

I am really lucky in that DD (a) likes homework and (b) finds it easy so she only needs to spend 10 mins max on each piece.

The only homework i assist her with is crafty stuff where she might need an extra pair of hands.

You do not do a child's homework for him, OP. What a stupid question to ask.

Yes, thank you. I have said earlier that is exactly what I will do. This thread has helped me understand that the amount he was set was probably too much and that it's ok to say he can't do it all. I will make sure we are in a better place for our next school holiday so my input can be less.

He doesn't bring homework home in term time, he only has holiday work so we don't have issues with that.

Still it's not like you will be wasting any of the teachers' time as they are marking your work and not that of your DS

You say you chose the school as a school that was not academic but was good for his social and emotional welfare. I would say a school that set 42 hours of homework for a 3 week period for a 9 year old is not doing well on that front.

The point that people were making about GCSEs were that good habits formed young will assist in his preparation for working towards public exams as he gets older.

You have said that he does his homework at school at some sort of prep period/homework club. This is still teacher supervised and as he goes forward he will need to learn to study independently and at home.

Never do a child's homework whatever the age. If they are truly stuck then help them find the answer. If they need help with revising then testing and talking about subjects but never do it for them. It is actually worse than them not doing it all.

his holiday work never seems to get marked to be honest

Oh well that's okay then - the teacher obviously just sets it for lols

The point of students doing work isn't for the teacher to mark it. It is because they need to do the work.

Perhaps it's set for those kids sat around all day bored? My ds is not one of those kids!

I agree trifle but this was too much

Add me to the list of those who are curious as to what type of school this is? State "prep-wannabe" academy? Or actual private school. Seems like either choice I would indicate that, yes, they may give more homework than is considered the norm. And if you're actually paying for a school like this, you're certainly not getting your money's worth by doing the work for him.

^Regular homework is a non issue for him, all kids do their homework at school before coming home each day, they finish at 5.15pm every day.

If the teacher was setting homework for kids who are bored, wouldn't it be made clear that the work was optional?

I never set holiday work myself. I think kids need a rest from school. Reading is as much as I expect even at KS3.

It's an independent school, predominantly boarding but ds is a day pupil. It seems very geared towards boarding hence the homework done in school, which is encouraged right up to 18.

Ah it's one of those threads:

OP: AIBU?

Replies: Yes

OP: But it shouldn't apply to my family

Replies: Well it does

OP; Well I'm right

Not at all!
Have you not read any of my replies?
The general consensus has been he has had too much homework set. He will do what he can and I will speak to his teacher about it next week.