(Trigger Warning!!!) To think labour pain is not respected by healthcare professionals?

[Goldfishshoals]

Warning: you probably don't want to read this if pregnant/about to give birth!

Three weeks ago I gave birth. I had back labour - truly agonising. The pains started on Friday, but because they were about five-six minutes apart they were arbitrarily considered 'pre-labour' rather than actual labour (despite hurting as much as 'real' labour pains). They continued like that for four days, in which time I obviously got no sleep. I called the midwife for help several times and was fobbed off with 'take paracetamol', which unsurprisingly did bugger all for the intense stabbing sensation in my back every contraction. After one call in which I cried they let me come in (30 mins car ride there and back in pain!) and have a single dose of coedine (barely took the edge off) before sending me home.

On Tuesday my waters broke so I was finally allowed in the hospital for monitoring - I pretty much immediately begged for pain relief. 'of course you can have some!' said the midwife breezily before buggering off for fifteen minutes leaving me in pain. Then she came back and said she just had to ask a few questions then 'we'd see' about getting me some pain relief... I did eventually get given some gas and air.

My contractions never became more frequent on their own and eventually I ended up being induced with epidural - which wore off just in time for me to be fully dialated. First they said they'd get me more - then they said it was too late and gave me gas and air - which they took off me again when it was time for pushing. I begged for pain relief (for anything!) and was ignored. I struggled to push but the pain was overwhelming and stopped me being able to push fully. Baby eventually delivered with forceps, and episiotomy which I could barely feel in contrast to the agony I had been in.

I had third degree tear which needed stitching, and suddenly everything changed. I had an anaesthesitist numb me fully, and keep checking my pain levels for the theatre, I had a few days in hospital with three types of pain relief thrown at me, and I was sent home with boxes of unnecessary coedine etc, for the incredibly minor soreness of the stitches.

When I compare other hospital visits (for being run over by a car as a teen, and a more recent dvt) it's a similar story. My pain was taken a lot more seriously and I was given better pain relief much more quickly, despite them not being nearly as painful as my back labour.

I realise not everyone has back labour, and some people have much less painful births (lucky cows) but surely having high levels of pain isn't that unique? So why wasn't it treated seriously? The only thing I can think of is that labour pain just isn't respected. Aibu to think this?

Yanbu. I got a paracetamol and gas and air during my labour. At one point I was lying on the floor in agony with contractions in the waiting room. It felt really humiliating. I hate thinking about giving birth.

This is common in anything that affects women only

I have had births which echo the terrible practices already detailed on this thread but will share another gynae horror story

I had to have my labia biopsied for cancer last year. I had to have anaesthetic injected into the tissue just below my clitoris (yes, imagine that) and though I told them I could still feel the knife they said it was impossible and cut away tissue anyway. When I screamed, as you might do when the most sensitive part of your body is sliced with a scalpel I was told off for making a fuss and wasn't I ashamed that people in the waiting room could hear me?

I fucking wasn't. Those empathy free hags were chagrined that I refused to allow them to stitch the wound site- I told them I'd rather free bleed and scab up in the absence of any functioning anaesthetic.

No one gives a shit. You are an ambulatory uterus/cunt whose insistence on personhood is an annoyance. Oh why can't we women just behave and cooperate like good girls

I'll say this- my best labour was when I was abandoned to my own devices because, even though none of the midwives believed I was labouring (it was my second time at that rodeo, so yeah, I kind of knew what was happening ) and I got fuckall pain relief I also didn't have to put up with patronising HCP whose job seemed to be going out of their way to be unkind, unhelpful and insulting like during dc1's birth

I might as well have made a nest in a closet and given birth on it like a cat ffs

Mine had me in tears at lots of points. No one said it was my fault, but it was implied. Notes were an absolute joke too. And the best part is I had DD abroad, so I got to pay for the privilege.

Uncontrolled - that reminds me of my mum telling me they wouldn't give her anaesthetic for her episiotomy stitches as there was "no point" as the injection would (apparently) hurt more.

My second labour I was left alone (midwife sat outside the room with a magazine and DH sat in the corner reading his kindle) and I loved getting on with it on my own. Would definitely choose that if I did it again.

YANBU
I was left in absolute agony by a nurse/midwife who would not believe I was in labour on the pre birth ward after being induced.

It was great, labouring away being gawped at by other patients and their visitors. This was pre mobile phones and when DH rang he was told I had minor backache.

When DH finally arrived, he found me in agony and begging him to take me to A & E at another hospital - he went to get a doctor - the nurse tried to physically block the doctors path down the ward, saying he had to see another patient. Turned out it was back to back labour and I was 7 cm dilated. Had epidural, contractions stopped and ended up with forceps.

DD ended up on anti biotics, had jaundice and refused to BF. Screamed all her waking hours with colic for the first 4 months of her life.

I had an elective C section with second (and last child) at a different hospital. It seems crazy now to elect for surgery, but no one could reassure me that I would not again be left in agony.

On a brief admission to hospital with a gall bladder problem, the nurses were falling over themselves to offer pain killers, anti sickness drugs etc. What a difference!

I ended up having DD before the ambulance made it. People are always at that part, but I'm a lot less upset about that part than I am about the treatment I had at the hospital after. Bastards, the lot of them. I accept there are some good ones, my lovely sister is a nurse. But there are also some awful ones.

Years and years ago I remember watching an undercover program where the reporter had signed up to be non-qualified bank staff (cleaner? Some kind of unqualified HCP? Can't remember) and was sent to various wards. They wore a hidden camera.

The maternity ward bit was horrific. Women buzzing for a midwife and the midwives laughing and saying ooooh not her, she's such a whinger. Young girl coming in and lots of oh I expect she won't cope, tell her off and tell her to get on with it. Obviously they couldn't film the patients so it was all behind the scenes, what midwives and doctors were saying grouped at the desk or in the staff room.

There was a real culture of stupid bloody women should stop moaning. I remember it caused a mild stink at the time but seems nothing has actually changed.

For some reason I spent years believing that anyone in the caring profession, were caring.

Turns out not. You can get bastards in any profession.

But it's a complete shock to the system when you're in agony, in the most vulnerable state, the most dangerous condition too (for mum and baby) and no one help you, and even deny you pain relief.

And I'm not talking about a late epidural that the 'medical profession' must advise us mother's on, I mean the simple asking for gas and air, and being told 'we'll see'

as far as I am awear there is no study that compares recovery from a section to recoverey from specifically a long back to back vaginal labour

Anecdotally my recovery from an ELCS was a walk in the park at all levels compared with my VB (forceps and tear but nothing compared to the horrors on this thread). With CS I had less pain, less medication (needed less pain relief, no lactulose or preemptive antibiotics), a quicker discharge, fewer hours on the catheter, fewer professional folloup appointments (checkig that perineum was still there), baby fed much better, I was able to walk / get up / sit down / lift and carry baby without problems in 2 days instead of the 2 weeks it took me with VB (months to walk normally). All the ballsups during the VB were airbrushed from my notes, too.

I have to agree with pp that this must be down to misogyny. Why do people choose to torture their fellow human being (deny pain relief) and maim them (vulva, vagina, perineum and sphincters are seen as cannon fodder) all in the name of an ideology? You see example after example on Mumsnet where a HCP had a choice and chose to treat a perinatal mother like dirt. Why? This question hasn't been answered.

*For some reason I spent years believing that anyone in the caring profession, were caring.

Turns out not. You can get bastards in any profession.*

Agree 100% I work in care, it's not just midwifery. I have had to argue the toss with senior HCP's for pain relief for palliative clients before.

OhtoblazeswithElvira - I don't know the answer that question. I am sad it is even has to be a question.

DD2 was born at 7.15pm, I tore rather badly from inside out and was told they would attempt to stitch up but if I couldn't handle the pain I'd have to go to theatre. They told me it might be a short wait for the staff required to do the stitching to be free and would I like to shower first (I was still in the labour room which had a shower). DH was told to leave at about 8.30pm. I naively assumed the wait wouldn't be long so cheerfully said I may as well wait (didn't fancy my innards falling out in the shower tbh!).

I ended up still in my labour bed, complete with blood/labour related bodily fluids/DD2s meconium poo (which she helpfully did ON me!) until about 4.30am!) I think I was out of sight out of mind, I couldn't move, had the baby on me and had no way to contact anyone, short of screaming! No apologies when they finally turned up (although they were perfectly lovely whilst doing the stitching etc which hurt more than the labour!!!).

They then left again and an orderly showed up to change my sheets and actually had to help me from the bed (I was completely starkers save for my multicolour all-natural body paint!). My whole body was shaking and I felt so vulnerable as I took those hesitating first steps with said bodily fluids following the laws of gravity

One step in the shower and promptly cut my toe on an errant shard of glass!?! Cue three people huddled round my foot with swabs/tweezers while I awkwardly perched on the toilet (still naked and leaking). In hindsight I could have taken the glass thing further but to be honest I just wanted to get out! I felt forgotten and a nuisance! Even down to the orderly eye rolling me when I needed a hand to get down from the bed!!

as far as I am awear there is no study that compares recovery from a section to recoverey from specifically a long back to back vaginal labour. So those were typical risk factors for section vs vaginal.

Yes I wasn't aware of any either thatsnot. Which is why it was inappropriate for you to be claiming women in that position who have CS at the start of labour will have longer recoveries. You simply don't know whether that's true or not.

I quite agree that women need to be appropriately counselled about the risks of CS, but they also need to be appropriately counselled about the risks of VB. The latter is not happening enough, but there are risks to both. And you admit yourself that B2B is more likely to be a lengthy one. It's not some wild stab in the dark, crystal ball territory. We know this to be true.

Of course you can't tell as soon as a woman comes in how long her labour is definitely going to be, but we do know some of the risk factors.

Two weeks after my first csection i was driving and taking ds1 to playschool and clubs

With ds1 i didnt leave the house along for a month...part of that was probably the bloody shock of a baby

It's sickening that women are not given adequate pain relief in labour. Yet we are offered local anaesthetic for dental work?

I wonder if age and apparent status affects this. I did voluntary work on a maternity ward and the young, teenage mums were often spoken down to and the 30 something professionals (some of them nurses, doctors etc) seemed to be treated with more respect. I noted some of the staff referring to some ladies as "precious" and rolling their eyes.

This thread has made me think more about my first birth, the induced/epidural 22 hour one.

After I was told to get the the bath. My then DH had to support me walking down the corridor as I could barely stand. The nurse didn't assist, only on her hands and knees mopping up the trail of blood off the floor as I went. He helped me in the bath whereby the water turned red. I was bleeding heavily. He sat there with me and started to worry and said "your lips have turned blue?" I was shaking like a leaf.

3 days later (pre-eclampsia so I wasn't allowed home yet) I passed a clot the size of my fist whilst peeing into a bed pan. I took it to a midwife and she said "ugh!" I'll get that looked at. Turned out nothing to worry about.

I always told that story like it was normal. Maybe not then!

By the way DH had to clean out the bath.

Rufus this isn't a competition. And the discussion is about pain during childbirth.

I think risks of VB (and pregnancy in general!) should be taught as part of high school biology. Might lower teenage pregnancy if young kids were thinking of innards falling out rather than cute babies...?

I presumed she was posting her experiences to refute the idea that sections automatically mean a more complex and lengthy recovery than VBs.

I was trying to say that i found my recovary from the csection much easier than the 'natural' birth

Replying to Which is why it was inappropriate for you to be claiming women in that position who have CS at the start of labour will have longer recoveries. You simply don't know whether that's true or not.

Thank you elis just saw your post

And yes thats what i was doing

In fairness to Rufus I think that she was responding to the claim by another poster that CS recovery is longer than VB recovery.

I had an induced back to back labour ending in Keillands forceps, baby with scarred face, horrible post-natal treatment, broken down episiotomy, miscalculated blood loss. Recovery was awful. Horrendously painful for weeks/months after (epi wound still partly open and bleeding at 8 week check), no bladder sensation and some faecal incontinence.

Fought for and got ELCS second time round. Everything about it was easier; calm, pain free delivery. Recovery was much quicker and less painful.

Thank you here

Happy to agree that taken out of the context of my other posts that it didnt make sense

But very hurt that i have been accused of making it in to a competition

Anyway as a wise person once told me its only words on a screen